


Chasing Dreams

by JadeLotus (Lotusflower85)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: New Jedi Order Era - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-12-10
Packaged: 2018-02-13 00:08:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 51,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2129619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lotusflower85/pseuds/JadeLotus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Vong war, the Skywalkers are yet again plagued with turmoil – this time from the ghosts of the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was first written in 2005, just prior to the publication of the Dark Nest trilogy, and at that time was canon compliant. Later books may have made some of these events AU, so if there are any discrepancies with later "Legends" canon that is the reason.
> 
> Cover art:  
> [](http://s707.photobucket.com/user/lotus_athene/media/chasingdreams2.jpg.html)

 

* * *

_They still had so many dreams to chase – Kathy Tyers, Balance Point, p.40._

* * *

**Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant, 32 Years after the Battle of Yavin**

Something was different, and it had stirred Mara from the haven of a dreamless sleep into the cold, awaiting arms of semi-consciousness. Too irritated to surrender just yet, she stubbornly clamped her eyes shut and attempted to fling herself back into that previous state of contentment. Instead, Mara dangled precariously in half-awareness, unable to calm her mind and drift back to sleep. Annoyed, she stretched out her senses to locate the source of her wakening. And make it pay, she smiled to herself.

The cool Coruscant breeze drifted in from the balcony. It was sweeter than Mara had ever remembered it, free from the heat the city-dwellers had created before the Vong reshaping. And quiet. Coruscant had never been so still, so cautious, almost as if the entire city rested on its haunches, waiting for an attack. The rebuilding had begun, of course, and after two years of peace, had been vastly restored to its former glory. However, it had lost the brilliant nightlife the planet had been so famous for. The bright lights, colours and sounds that had made Coruscant the centre of both Republics. Mara thought it ludicrous, but the city itself had lost its confidence, and it seemed to be, like herself, stirring warily from a long sleep.

But that wasn't what had woken her. They had been in this apartment for a month now, and she had reconciled the Coruscant she now lived in to the one in her memory. It hadn't been Ben – a quick force probe confirmed he was safely asleep in the next room. And dreaming of star dragons.

Mara shivered as the breeze touched her lightly with chilled fingertips. It was then she realised the strangeness that had woken her. Stretching out with deft fingers and the Force, Mara realised she was alone in the bed.

Marriage had, in more ways than one, been an uncomfortable jolt for Mara. It might have seemed like a small adjustment, but sharing her bed with another person had proved unbelievably difficult. His mere presence had bothered her the first few months. Mara had not slept in the most comfortable places over the years, but she had always been more or less alone. After her marriage she felt stifled. She did not like to be held. It wasn't through any lack of love for Luke, far from it, it was simply that she was used to being able to stretch out, to turn during the night without crashing into a lump of sleeping Skywalker.

Eventually, though, she was able to condition herself, to slowly close the space between them, extending her comfort zone to include him. It was almost ironic that now she would be woken by the very absence of his arms around her. It was one of those uncharacteristically sentimental thoughts that she had always teased Luke for having. But she allowed them, now, deep in her heart.

Mara pried open her eyes to peer through the darkness. Her husband stood silhouetted against the partially rebuilt cityscape. Carefully, she shielded herself, so not to alert him of her wakened state. She wouldn't have Luke notice her just yet, not when she could indulge herself by merely watching him. There had not been many moments in the past few years when she had been able to bask in his mere presence.

There had been the horrible effects of her illness where she had barely allowed herself anything but to retreat inside her own body, chasing her elusive destructors. And there had been the war, so long and painful, where death stalked them at every corner of the galaxy, where fear for her son clouded her judgment and thoughts. And even before that, when they had been newlyweds, they had been apart more often than together. Luke had been needed at the Academy and Mara had reconciled herself to jaunting across the galaxy with Mirax. A small amount of regret lingered about for those days, where she had journeyed to Yavin IV as little as possible. Perhaps if Mara had known what was to come, she would have acted differently. Perhaps not.

But relief flooded her that those days were behind them, at least for the moment. The war had ravaged many families, many lives, but there was peace now. At least, as close to peace as the galaxy ever seemed to get.

Luke, however, did not seem to be in harmony with Mara's mood. He stood utterly still, leaning slightly against the railing of their balcony, contemplating the skyline. But she felt his tumultuous emotions brewing just below the surface. Deftly, Mara crawled out of bed and moved over to him, the breeze chilling her skin further.

"I thought you were asleep," he said quietly as she approached, still gazing off into the distance.

"I was." She slipped her arms around his waist, her fingers locking themselves across his stomach. Her hands were cold, but so was his skin. "You're thinking too loudly."

"I'm sorry," he muttered distractingly, but relaxing almost unconsciously against her.

"It's alright," she answered softly. "After ten years I should be used to it." He didn't answer, but then, Mara hadn't expected him to. She had learned long ago to recognise the subtle changes in Luke's mood, to understand the times when her teasing would not be appropriate. He gave her no less in return.

Mara rested her cheek softly against his back, between his shoulder blades. "What are you thinking?" she asked finally, when it became clear he wasn't about to instigate conversation.

There was silence for several moments. Anyone else would have thought the Jedi Master was ignoring them, but Mara knew he was simply considering his answer. "I was thinking about the city," he said finally, softly.

"So was I," she said, not really all that surprised. It wasn't uncommon for their thoughts to connect like that. Mara felt, rather than saw, his smile.

"I know," he responded.

She snorted in an unbecoming fashion. So he _had_ known she'd been awake. And he'd waiting for her to come to him, the Sith. Mara released her light grip around him and slipped around to his left side, until she was standing next to him at the railing.

"I was thinking how this was never really my home," he continued, undeterred by her movements. "Home was Tatooine, or Yavin, even in my X-wing. Or more recently," he snuck a glance at her, "On the _Shadow_." He sighed. "I just…habitated here, occasionally. But now…"

Mara knew what he meant. Coruscant had never really been her home either. It was difficult coming to terms with building one here. "We've still got the _Shadow_ ," she reminded him.

"Yeah," his mouth twitched in the beginnings of a grin. "But you don't really have the best track record in that area, do you?"

A playful, yet quite forceful swipe at his head was her answer. He ducked it easily and showed her two sets of teeth. "It least it's not falling apart, like that overgrown escape pod of yours," she snapped.

"Nothing wrong with sticking to a classic," he grinned.

"Yeah, classic pain in the bantha hide," she mumbled. But she ran her fingers affectionately up his arm and rested her head gently on his shoulder. "Now what were you really thinking about?" Mara knew better than anyone when someone was trying to deflect a question.

Luke sighed, bringing his other hand to rest on the railing. "Do you think I did the right thing, transplanting the Academy here?"

Mara considered his question. They had begun to make preparations for a new Jedi Academy, and the fledging Coruscant seemed to be the most obvious choice. But she knew Luke agonised over the decision. Distance from the centre of the galaxy and all of his politicians, temptations and distractions was why he had chosen Yavin IV in the first place. But things were different now.

"I trust your judgment Luke," she answered cautiously. "Maybe access to a bit of the real galaxy will give the new students a bit of perspective. And this is where the Council is."

"And every other political body out to exploit them."

Mara sighed. "I thought I was the pessimist in this relationship?"

"Come on, Mara," he began to smile again. "What do you always tell Ben about sharing?"

She felt a slight tugging on the edge of her lips. "Yes but I'm his mother. _'Do what I say, not what I do'_."

"I hope that's not the same philosophy you apply to your Jedi teaching," he said in mock seriousness.

"Well, I did learn from the _Master_ ," she allowed her characteristic sarcasm to creep into her voice. "Seriously though, Luke," she said before he could come up with an appropriate retort. "The last thing you want is an order of monks, locked away in their ivory towers. Learning to deal with temptation early on can only help them when they become true Jedi."

"Ah, and _guardians of peace and justice_ ," he added, drawing his gaze back to the city. The look in his eye told her he was, once again, looking to the past.

"Yes, that too." Mara gently turned him back to face her. Sinuously, she reached up to slide her arms around his neck, placing a soft kiss to the cleft in his chin. "All you can give is your best, Luke."

His own arms tightened around her. "I know," he replied softly. "I try." Mara didn't bother to remind him of Yoda's old adage, she knew it was already on his mind. Instead, she held him as the minutes drifted by as he contemplated, and Mara allowed herself to drink in and indulge herself in his presence. For the moment at least, there was complete peace.

"Now," he said finally, breaking out of his reverie as he pulled her backwards into the apartment. "I better come back with you to bed. I wouldn't want you to be lonely and unable to sleep." His eyes twinkled mischievously.

_The blasted eavesdropper_ , Mara fumed inwardly. "You'll be lucky if I ever sleep with you again, Skywalker," she growled.

His answering laugh was the most comforting thing she'd heard in a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY.**_  
  
  
Few things frustrated Mara Jade Skywalker like the morning antics of her son. Unfortunately, Ben had not inherited her sense of personal discipline, having little to no concept of the phrase _on time_. In fact, Mara rather thought he enjoyed dragging out every possible moment and creating every possible problem for her in the morning rush. Mara herself had never really grown out of the routine she employed while in the service of the Emperor. She had every moment planned to the second, ensuring she made it to her destination exactly on time. Too early or too late had always been unacceptable.  
  
The trouble was, Ben was a variable that could not be tamed.  
  
Her five-year old son sat on the couch, grinning adorably at her while he attempted to tie the laces on his small boots. A quick check to her chrono confirmed that they had no hope of making it to the Jedi Temple in time for their appointment with Tionne. Not that the gentle-hearted Jedi would mind the delay, it was simply that punctuality was something Mara asked from those around her and demanded no less of from herself.  
  
Mara’s fingers twitched and she moved purposefully towards her son.  
  
“No, Mama,” Ben cried indignantly. “Can do it myself. Uncle Han showed me.”  
  
Mara mentally cursed that blasted Corellian and the patented Skywalker stubbornness in one thought. Gently lowering herself to her knees, she faced her son at eye-level.  
  
“We’re late, Ben,” she said as calmly as she could. She would not let her voice betray her frustration. That was what he wanted. Like his father, Ben seemed to revel in seeing her on edge.  
  
“Can do it myself,” he repeated, refocusing his attention on his small feet.  
  
Mara sighed and leaned back on her haunches. She felt loathe to give in to him so easily, but arguing would simply take more time she didn’t have.  
  
She sat and waited, struggling not to wince at the mess Ben seemed to be creating. Han, unfortunately, had taught him the Corellian method for tying his laces, which, of course, made the action ten times more complicated than it needed to be. Mara promised herself to thank Han in her own special way for that later.  
  
The seconds ticked by and Mara found herself fidgeting with the twin beaded necklaces that laced around her neck to keep her fingers occupied. She had never been one for jewellery - any accessories, really. They weren’t conducive to espionage, and could be a real hindrance in hand-to-hand combat, where an opponent could easily rip at an earring to injure ones earlobe, or use a necklace as a garotte.  
  
No, her blaster and lightsaber was all Mara had ever needed. But she had taken to wearing the beaded necklaces for sentimental, rather than aesthetic value. They had been a gift from Luke, early in the Vong invasion. In that time of indecision and uncertainty, he had found it therapeutic to work with his hands again and had carved the small, individual beads himself from the purplish-brown wood of the Massassi trees on Yavin IV. It was comforting, he had told her, to feel something corporeal, to feel the bark and knife in his hands, to take his mind off the answers that were not so easily grasped.  
  
She had also guessed, that, in part, the gesture had been a consolation for the loss of his first gift, the _Jade Sabre_ , although he had never said so. Mara knew the destruction of the ship he had personally designed had wounded him as much as it had her. And then Yavin had fallen to the Vong, the reshaping resulting in the extinction of the Massassi trees meaning her necklaces were the last tangible link to the planet that had meant so much to Luke.  
  
Since the war had ended, she had worn the beads religiously. It had, however, promoted the awkward habit of fidgeting, something she never would have allowed in her younger days. It was just one of the small allowances she had made in her life. Like indulging her son and his bizarre internal chrono, like allowing Luke to sleep with his arms around her.   
  
“Done!” came the exclamation from Ben, as he beamed proudly at her. Mara took in the tangled mess of laces that adorned Ben’s boots. They were tied…more or less.  
  
Too often, more or less was all she could afford to settle for.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
“When can I fly, Mama?” Ben crawled energetically out of the passenger seat of Mara’s speeder and leapt to the ground below. Mara herself made a more dignified exit.  
  
“When I’m too old to,” she replied in a tone that didn’t warrant argument. The thought of her son speeding recklessly through the Coruscant traffic was not one she wished to entertain anytime soon. Brushing her fingers hastily through her hair, Mara quickly did the same for Ben, pushing his windswept locks back from his face. It was then that she noticed a small, suspicious looking blue patch on the shoulder on his nylar tunic.  
  
“Ben, what is this?” She grabbed the offending fabric between her fingers.  
  
“Breakfast?” His face was the holo of innocence.  
  
“Well, how did it get there?” She clutched the fabric tighter, as if the stain would disappear by her sheer will and force.  
  
Ben shrugged. “I just drank my milk like you told me, Mama.”  
  
Mara fought the urge to roll her eyes. “I meant how did it get all the way…never mind.” She abandoned her line of questioning, knowing she would yield no answers from the boy. “Maybe I can find a change of clothes in the Temple,” she murmured. One thing Mara could not seem to shed was her fastidiousness. The small, almost indistinguishable stain made Ben seem altogether dishevelled.  
  
“No one’ll know. You can’t see it.” Ben pouted.  
  
“ _I’ll_ know, Ben.” Mara sighed. “Alright, come on,” she conceded, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the ziggurat base of the temple. The new Jedi base was largely inspired by the temple plans of the Old Jedi Order, which had been uncovered by historians in the years before the Vong war. Building a similar structure for the New Order had been the idea of Chief of State Omas, one which both Mara and Luke had reservations about. Luke especially had disliked the five spires jutting out from the base, thinking it too ostentatious and perhaps sending a negative symbol of Jedi supremacy to the general populace. Mara had been inclined to agree.  
  
Cal Omas, however, had garnered public support for a symbolic link to the Old Republic and its Knights, a throwback, as Omas spun it, to history and a promise for future posterity. He was, after all, a politician at his core, and he knew exactly how to sway the Council to his way of thinking. That was fine, in Mara’s opinion, as long as his influence stopped at the design stage and went no further into the affairs of Jedi training.  
  
Of course, one of the other downsides to the new Jedi Temple was the three hundred-odd stairs that lead to the entrance. Of course there were turbolifts for other people wishing to enter, but Mara couldn’t allow such a dent in her pride as to be seen taking the easy way out. The climb itself was not difficult for a Jedi, but having a child in tow complicated the matter greatly.  
  
As soon as they reached the base of the stairs, Ben’s arms shot up in a silent demand to be carried. But Mara simply gave a gentle tug on the hand still clenched beneath her fingers.  
  
“You’re old enough to climb yourself now, Ben,” she told him firmly, taking the first step. There was a rush of elation when he dutifully followed.  
  
Their pace was slow, the steps too wide for Ben to take in one stride, and Mara more than once felt the urge to sweep him into her arms and make the job easier on both of them. But if there was one thing Leia had taught her about child-rearing, it was to stand firm.  
  
It wasn't long, however, before Ben started puffing heavily beside her. “Mama, I’m ti-red,” he whined, turning what appeared to be a tear-filled gaze towards her. Mara reminded herself to have a talk with the younger Solos about teaching Ben bad habits. She just _knew_ the twins had let her son in on all of their persuasive parent-bending techniques.  
  
“Just a little longer, Ben,” she soothed him. As tempted as she was to show him how to use to Force to assist in the climb, she firmly believed that he needed to be a person first, and then a Jedi. Ben had to learn his limitations, without using the Force as a crutch.  
  
Unfortunately, Ben didn’t see it that way, if his pouting lower lip was anything to go by. Mara was relieved when they finally reached the entrance, only to find a harried-looking Tionne hurrying towards them. Ben ran towards her and fastened himself around her calves, giggling with delight. Tionne’s movement constricted by this action, she bent down as best she could to regard the small boy.  
  
“Hello, Ben,” she cooed. “Did you climb up here all by yourself?”   
  
“Yep!” Ben grinned at her. “Easy as bantha pie.”  
  
“I’m sure,” Tionne regarded him solemnly. “Hello, Mara,” she said, straightening herself.  
  
“Sorry about the time, Tionne.” Mara shook her head. “It’s been one of those mornings, and with Luke off Force knows where…”  
  
“That’s alright,” the Jedi smiled gently at her. “I tried you on the comm, but there was no answer, so I assumed you were already on your way. And,” she added as Ben untangled himself from her legs. “I remember what this one is like. You haven’t been causing trouble for your mother, have you Ben?” She raised a fine, white eyebrow.  
  
“Nuh uh,” Ben replied, returning to Mara and curling a hand around her knee. “Auntie Leia says I’m an angel.”  
  
“She doesn’t have to live with you,” Mara muttered under her breathe, so that Ben wouldn’t hear.  
  
Tionne smiled and gestured towards the Temple entrance. “I thought we’d just go to my office,” she said.  
  
Mara consented. She had her own office, of course, adjourning Luke’s, but she had yet to set foot in it. She unfastened Ben’s hand from the vice grip on her knee and followed Tionne into the Temple. Her office, she knew, was on a higher level and she felt Ben wince when they came to another set of stairs.  
  
“Mama.” He tugged on her tunic.  
  
“Alright, Ben, I’ll carry you,” she conceded. He had, after all, handled the main steps with little complaint.  
  
“You promised we’d go see the water.” He turned his grey eyes towards her. She had always considered Ben’s eyes to be the carbon-copy blue of Luke’s but she had found that when he was distressed or angry, the shade darkened to a misty grey. In Mara’s experience, it was not a good sign.  
  
“The water?” Tionne questioned, coming to a stop.  
  
Mara sighed. “The Room of a Thousand Fountains,” she explained. It was indeed a fascinating sight, located underground just beneath the Temple itself. A living jungle, complete with flowers, plants, animals and the most magnificent waterfalls she had ever seen. She had, unwisely it seemed, captivated Ben by descriptions of it. “I said I’d show it to him.”  
  
“You _promised_ , Mama,” he said, crossing his arms stubbornly. And – oh Force, out came that bottom lip again.  
  
“Sweetie, I’ll take you after I talk with Tionne. We have very important things to discuss.” They didn’t really, but Ben had distracted her long enough that morning.  
  
The lip quivered and his eyes filled with tears – real, this time. She should have expected that. For some reason, close contact with so many Force-sensitives always made Ben more emotional. She would have to talk to Luke on how to control that.  
  
“Maybe one of the students can take him,” offered Tionne, seeing the child’s distress.  
  
“I don’t think that’s a good…Ben!” she cried as his small hand was yanked from hers. Whirling around, Mara saw that Ben had already disappeared.  
  
“Is he still doing that?” Tionne asked, searching the large foyer for him with her keen eye.  
  
“He hasn’t done it before with me,” Mara shot back, a little too harshly.  
  
The Administrator sighed. “He used to do this in the Maw. When he got upset, he would run off and hide. Kam and I assumed he didn’t want to share his hurt with anybody.” Mara didn’t miss the surreptitious glance. She knew what Tionne was thinking. Ben was her son, alright. “It was usually after you and Luke left,” she added quietly.  
  
“Well I don’t plan on leaving him alone to sulk in this place.” Closing her eyes, Mara reached out for Ben’s familiar presence. “He’s heading down through the left wing. Probably trying to find the gardens.”  
  
“That is the most direct route,” Tionne agreed. “Would you like me to accompany you?”  
  
“No.” Mara pinpointed the small figure in her mind, racing down the stairs. Sith, he was fast. “I’ll meet you in your office.”  
  
“I will be there all day, Mara.” Tionne placed a delicate hand on her arm. “Take all the time you need.” Mara understood the unsaid implication. _Take the time to be with your son._  
  
The guilt stabbed her quietly as Mara made her way down towards the Room of a Thousand Fountains, following Ben closely. She had missed out on so much of Ben’s childhood, so many of his early years. She hadn’t realised that her absence had hurt Ben so much. But then, like his mother, he was very good as keeping his feelings to himself. How many times had she run away, hiding inside herself, trying to become numb to the pain?  
  
Ben often had serious mood swings, from ecstatically happy to solemn and introverted. He vacillated between the two extremes, and it was often difficult to pinpoint exactly what was going to set him off.  
  
Mara didn’t know if it was his genetics that were to blame. After all, she was known to have abrupt changes in mood herself. Not to mention Luke’s often precarious swinging from the Jedi Master to the Farmboy. On the other hand, none of them had been untouched by the Vong war an Ben was no exception. He spent years with only fleeting moments with his parents and had felt multiple deaths through the Force, not to mention growing up in the aftermath of a war-ravaged galaxy.  
  
Whatever it was, Mara vowed to spend as much time as possible with her son, with her family. Love, as she had discovered many years before, could cure almost anything.  
  
Sweet, humid air assaulted Mara’s nostrils as she entered the Room of a Thousand Fountains. The wild jungle and heat almost reminded her of Yavin IV. Unwittingly, Mara touched the beads around her neck. Almost.  
  
But taking in the beauty of the cavern was not what she was there for. Mara ran hurriedly through the set path, brushing past the foliage that blocked her way. Ben was close now…but she could feel that he was alone, and not in danger. Curiosity and wonder emanated from him. Still, she would feel better when she had him in her arms.  
  
Mara pushed a strain of Splinter Fern out of her way. There he was, sitting quite happily on a smooth rock, next to a comfortable-looking patch of Naboo swamp moss. But Mara felt her heart constrict as she saw the woman kneeling in the grass beside him.  
  
Shock paralysed her for a few moments, unwilling or unable to believe her own eyes. Mara took in the woman’s long, malt hair that fell in soft waves over her shoulders. The elegance with which she held herself, her long legs crossed under her slim body, her back perfectly straight and poised. The severe curve of her high cheekbones, covered in pale, smooth skin. And finally, the stormy grey eyes. Mara reached out with the Force, and felt nothing…no, less than nothing. She felt an absence in the Force which confirmed Mara’s darkest suspicions.  
  
Sitting quietly chatting to her son, was Callista Ming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beaded necklaces are inspired by the depictions of Mara on the cover art for "Rebirth":  
> [](http://s707.photobucket.com/user/lotus_athene/media/Rebirth1.jpg.html)[](http://s707.photobucket.com/user/lotus_athene/media/Rebirth.jpg.html)


	3. Chapter 3

**_Hunter's Luck, Deep Space. 12 ABY_ **

 

The stars roiled by, an amalgamation of suns and planets and lives, spinning past her into oblivion. Mara would never admit it to anyone, but she enjoyed watching the blur of hyperspace, the swirling blue light dancing around the viewing window of her cockpit. And she needed the comfort at the moment. She had felt awkward in the med bay, while Leia tended to Luke's injuries and questioned him mercilessly about the woman they'd found in the escape pod. It had bothered her to see Luke so affectionate to the woman in Cray’s body, staring into her grey eyes, his fingers lightly tracing her new face.

Mara had felt overwhelmed when he had kissed the woman. It had been soft, almost chaste, but there was no doubt that it had been a lover's kiss. It had been unbearable, and Mara had escaped to the cockpit, mumbling an excuse about checking their flight pattern. She was not going to allow herself to be uncomfortable on her own ship.

But what bothered her so much was the fact that she even cared. Perhaps it was just seeing Skywalker in such a different light. In the few years she had known him, he had never seen him have more than a platonic friendship with anyone. But what was it about this woman that made her gut twist so horribly?

Mara heard the hatch slide open, but didn't bother to turn around. She knew who it was.

"You should be resting Skywalker," she called over her shoulder, unable to put the usual bite into her words. "Wait, don't tell me, you're fine," she continued, before he could speak.

"I am." Luke carefully made his way into the co-pilot's seat.

Mara raised an eyebrow at him. "Is that so?" Before he could register her movement her fingers reached out and pushed into his injured leg. She was rewarded with his yelp of pain.

"Alright," he smiled good-naturedly. "I'm fine so long as ex-assassins aren't putting the moves on me."

She grunted and turned away. "I would say that job has already been covered," she muttered to herself.

Mara felt his intense gaze, and knew his keen ears had picked up her reference to the woman currently residing in her med bunk. Force, she hated when he did that. That look of his compelled her so strongly, calling her eyes to his like a magnet. It made her feel uncomfortable, and out of control. Resolutely, she continued to stare at the blue swirl of the stars rushing by.

"What do you think of her, Mara?" he asked finally, his voice soft.

"Of who? The woman back there who's currently wearing Mingla's body?" Her voice had regained its sharp edge. "I don't know, Skywalker, what am I supposed to think?" Her lips twitched bitterly. "I didn't exactly expect to be carrying the extra cargo," she added snidely.

She heard Luke's deep sigh, the one that meant he was disappointed. "One thing I'll never understand about you Jade," he leaned back wearily into his seat. "Is how you find it so difficult to see the humanity in people. To you they're cargo, objects... complications."

Mara stiffened at his harsh words. His tone was soft and sincere, but there was an undercurrent of brutality to his words. She responded the only way she knew how - dismissively.

"Need I remind you whose ship you are on, Skywalker?" Her voice was cold. "Perhaps I should throw you both out of the airlock, since I'm so heartless."

"Oh, Mara..." he shook his head slightly and reached out to touch her hand. "I never said you were heartless."

"Just inhuman." She snatched her hand away.

"No." He sighed again, the sound grating on her nerves. "I know you care about people. You wouldn't be here if you didn't." She felt his piercing gaze on her again. "I'd be dead if you didn't," he added, almost inaudibly.

"Make up your mind, Skywalker," she said impatiently. "Either I care or I don't." Through the Force, she felt a whisper of - _something_ \- from the man next to her. Like grief, or melancholy, or perhaps a wistfulness.

"I used to think like that," Luke continued, his gaze shifting from her face to the cockpit window where her own eyes rested. "In absolutes. Good and Evil, Right and Wrong."

Mara noted the change in his voice. "And now?"

He smiled. "Now I know better."

They sat in silence for several minutes, watching the stars rush by. It was peaceful, Mara conceded, sitting in another's presence. She felt a kind of harmony that was unknown to her. It felt strange, yet... she was at peace. Being with Luke was not as abrasive as it had once been; gone was the hostility and uneasiness she had once felt around him. Now in his presence, there was acceptance. From both of them.

Unfortunately, it did not last.

"I think you'll like her," he said, shattering the silence and, along with it, Mara's comfort. "Callista, I mean."

"Is that her name?" Mara felt her acrimony returning.

There was a chuckle from the seat beside her. Blast him, what did her always find so amusing? Mara crossed her arms and clenched her jaw. Gone was the peace, he was back to his usual, infuriating self.

"Not like you to forget details so easily," Luke said, a slight taunt in his voice. Mara grimaced, for she hadn't forgotten the woman's name. And Luke knew it.

"She's wonderful, Mara," he continued, his eyes glazing over in happiness. "Brave and intelligent - one of the kindest people I've ever met. And a Jedi, too," he added as an afterthought.

Shock overwhelmed Mara as she felt bright tendrils of Luke's feelings hit her. "You... you're in love with her," she managed to stutter out.

Luke gave her a quizzical look. "Well... yes." He had obviously thought his feelings had been clear.

Mara clamped down her shields, so not to alert him to her tumultuous emotions. She had known that they had shared an intense experience on the Eye of Palpatine, but love? It had been obvious to everyone that Luke wished to pursue a relationship with Callista, but the revelation he was already in love with her upset Mara more than she cared to admit.

Calming herself down, Mara had to admit to herself that it was keeping in with Skywalker's character. One flimsy Force-dream and he was irrevocably in love. Mara had never heard anything so ridiculous. Force help her if she was to ever fall victim to such foolishness.

"Mara?" She heard Luke's voice permeate her reeling mind and refocussed her attention. "Mara?" he repeated as she - finally - turned to face him. "What's so wrong with my being in love with her?"

Mara recollected her emotions. "Nothing," she spat out, a little too eagerly. "I just wasn't expecting you to reveal it like that."

"You think it's too soon," Luke nodded sagely. "That's what Han said."

"Well, Solo isn't always so far off the mark." Her voice had returned to a normal level.

"I can't really explain it, Jade. But what we share... it's incredible."

Mara rolled her eyes as she caught that faraway look in his gaze again. "I'm sure."

"I really want you to accept her, Mara," he tried for her hand again, and this time she didn't pull away. "Your opinion is very important to me."

His clear blue eyes pleaded with her. Mara felt herself drawn to them - she had never really noticed how deep they were before. His words rattled through her mind. He wanted - no, _needed_ , her acceptance, her support. The question was whether she was prepared to give it to him.

"She'll just have to prove herself to me." The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could think them through. It was an automatic response, although she wasn't sure if it was a truthful one.

Luke's eyes betrayed his hurt, and he slowly pulled his hand away, nodding resolutely. It was then that Mara realised the fundamental difference between them. While she needed time to judge people, to weigh their worthiness of her trust and support, Luke always accepted without question. Unlike his unending faith, her friendship was conditional.

Understanding and perhaps, Mara realised, a little saddened by it, Luke hoisted himself to his feet. "Thanks for the rescue, Jade," he acknowledged coldly, before making his way towards to hatch. He winced in slight pain as he twisted his leg at the wrong angle. Mara ignored it.

She heard the release mechanism of the door, and something twisted inside of her.

"Skywalker," he called to him, her voice stripped of all emotion. It sounded pitifully tinny in the cockpit, echoing off the walls. "What you said, about... humanity... "

He didn't answer, but she felt his full attention. She swallowed forcefully, loathe to say anything at all. But something within her forced the words out. "In most of the people I've known..." She looked sadly out to the stars. "It hasn't existed at all."

The silence was palpable, and Mara was unable to gauge his reaction. Understanding flowed through from him, but no words. She hadn't really wanted any. His presence shifted, and then grew fainter.

The door whipped closed behind him, and she was left alone in the cockpit, contemplating the stars.

 

           


	4. Chapter 4

**_Jedi Temple, Coruscant. 32 ABY._ **

 

Despite the stifling humidity of the artificial jungle, Mara felt decidedly cold. Her blood seemed to freeze in her veins, locking her joints and preventing any movement. Her mind roiled as the reality of the situation hit her.

Callista Ming, next to her son, chatting amiably away. It might as well have been a Sith Lord sitting in the grass with him. Although Mara couldn't exactly rule that out. A white-hot anger burned within her - something she had not felt in many years. It spurned her into movement, and Mara lunged towards Ben, crossing the distance and sweeping her arms around him protectively. Studiously, she ignored Callista. She wasn't sure what would happen if she allowed her anger to take hold.

So she focused on her son, twisting him in her arms to face her. "Don't you ever do that again," she said firmly, holding tightly onto his shoulders. "You can't run away like that Ben, it's dangerous, you understand?"

Ben's face became solemn and his eyes filled with moisture. Mara was not often that forceful with him, nor did he usually see her so upset. No doubt he could feel her anguish through the Force, as well.

"I'm sorry," he sniffed, bringing the sleeve of his tunic to wipe his nose.

"It's okay, Ben." Mara hugged him again, sending him her comfort through their bond. "You have to remember to stay where I can see you." She placed a loving kiss to his puffy cheek.

As abruptly as it always did, Ben's mood changed to from contrition to excitement as a grin formed on his face. "I found a friend, Mama," he cried jubilantly, wriggling out of her embrace.

Mara turned her attention to the woman kneeling close to them, reconciling the Callista of her memory to the image before her. There was no trace of Cray Mingla left - her features consumed completely by Callista's sharp angles and rigid expression. Her malt hair, free of grey, had grown out of the cropped style she had sported when Mara had known her, the slight waves framing her face and neck. The grey eyes seemed deeper, the angles of her face more severe and uncompromising, and yes - there were even hints of wrinkles around her eyes and mouth.

But she had aged well, Mara thought with resentment.

She felt an equal heavy scrutiny from Callista's stormy gaze. Her eyes narrowed slightly as the woman began to work things over in her mind, glancing from Mara to Ben and then back again. Mara felt a smug satisfaction come over her as she realised it was possible Callista was unaware of her marriage to Luke. Chad was pretty far out in the Rim, she recalled... if that was where she had been all this time. It was enjoyable, to watch Callista begin to shrink within herself as she connected the pieces. The fact that Ben had called her 'Mama'... that he looked so much like Luke.

She gloried in her companion's discomfort as Callista bit her lower lip and prepared to speak.

"Mara Jade," Callista said finally, her voice remarkably steady. "It took me a moment to recognise you."

Mara once again felt her slippery gaze wander over her, and she tugged Ben's hand, urging him to sit back into her lap. Where he would be safe, she thought, not to kindly. "Well, a few things have changed since you left, Callista." Her voice was cold, dismissive. It was like slipping back into a familiar glove.

"So I see," Callista replied, glancing quickly at Ben.

Mara hugged him protectively, as the small boy turned his inquisitive gaze upwards. "Do you know 'Lista, Mama?"

"I'm an old... friend of your father's, Ben," Callista cut in before Mara could say anything, for which she received a venomous glare. A fact Ben did not fail to notice.

"But not yours?" he asked Mara, his small lower lip stuck out in confusion.

Callista's eyes widened at Ben's intuitiveness, but Mara simply sighed. She released her son and patted him lightly on his back. "Why don't you go play over near the Flandorian flowers, Ben," she suggested lightly. "Just don't go near the lake." He happily ran towards the sweet blooming flower bed, the discomfort between the two women forgotten.

"He's very beautiful," Callista murmured, her gaze, too, following the small Skywalker.

Mara sighed heavily. With her son gone, she dropped all pretense of civility. "Cut the bantha crap, Callista. Why are you here?" The hard edge lingered dangerously in her tone.

A soft, artificial breeze drifted by them and Callista closed her eyes, breathing in deeply. "It's so peaceful, here. It almost reminds me of Yavin."

"You know what I meant. I don't really care why you decided to take a stroll through the woods. Why are you here, on Coruscant." Mara's hackles raised as Callista continued to ignore her.

"This was always my favourite part of the Jedi Temple. I'm glad they rebuilt it." Her eyes opened as she took in her surroundings. "The wildlife is a bit different from what I remember."

Mara fought the urge to pull out her blaster. Kiff, she thought those days were long behind her. Struggling to regain her composure, Mara decided to play along. She would get her answers soon enough, one way or the other.

"It's the Vong influence," she said curtly. "The trouble with peace is that you have to make concessions." She glanced at the surrounding foliage. "In this case, it means some truly hideous plant life."

"I suppose so," Callista's tone was soft. "So many things have changed."

"I take it you didn't know of my marriage to Luke, then?" Mara stared the woman down, delighting in the wince she saw at the mention of her husband's name.

Callista returned her gaze, but could not hold it. "I admit, I have been considerably... secluded for many years. And in my haste to return, I did not, perhaps, do the research I should have."

Mara snorted in a fashion she knew was unbecoming, but that had never bothered her. "Bet it was a shock," she said, smiling slightly.

Shifting uncomfortably, Callista gaze flittered around her. "It was not something... I was expecting," she finally said.

"The fact that Luke was married?" Mara pressed her advantage. "Or that he was married to me?" There was a warning in her voice.

"Perhaps both." Callista's gaze fixed on her. "I seem to recall you saying once that wanting to kill someone was not a great basis for a long term relationship."

"People change," Mara shot back, meeting her eyes defiantly.

"Perhaps."

Mara bristled at the words. "You don't know me, Callista. With any luck, you never will." She sighed harshly. "As for Luke, you expected him to wait for you? Pine away like some pathetic brush-mouse?"

"I thought, maybe... " Callista cleared her throat. Her voice became soft, as if speaking to herself. "Perhaps that was the reason I didn't try to find out anything about him, other than where he was. If I'd known... I might not have returned."

"Which brings us back to why exactly you _did_ return." Mara's patience was running thin.

"I... " Callista abruptly cut herself off. "Where is Luke?" she asked.

"Why?"

"I wish to see him."

Mara clenched her fists, forcing herself not to reach out and strike the woman. "That doesn't mean I will let you."

She saw Callista's cheek twitch in - what? A repressed anger? She was so difficult to read, without the Force. "I should not need your permission," she said in a barely contained voice.

"Why? Because you think you have some... lover's claim on him?" Mara spat out the words. They tasted so vile on her tongue. To think of Luke and Callista as lovers still hurt as much as it had all of those years ago. Except the pain was far more intense, now. Mara felt territorial, she felt... possessive. There was no way she was letting this woman near her husband. Her family.

Remarkably, Mara found the strength to calm herself, to reach that level on inner peace that Luke had shown her. She spoke again, this time in a soft and level, if no less dangerous voice.

"Luke and I are married, Callista," she began. "We're happy. Go crawl back under whatever rock you came from and leave us alone."

Defiance burned in Callista's eyes. "I shouldn't have expected anything more from you, Mara Jade," her lilting voice became coarse. "But I am not someone you can get rid of," her lips curved into a sardonic smile. "No matter how good you may have been at that in the past."

Although the impulse was to reach for her lightsaber, Mara fought the urge. She stood up and stared Callista down. "Stay away from my family," she hissed, before turning to leave.

Callista's hand darted out to catch her, fingers curling around her arm, biting into her skin. Her grip was strong, and she held fast though Mara tried to free herself. She began to call on the Force for a release when she heard Callista's desperate voice.

"Please... Mara!" she called anxiously.

Everything inside Mara was screaming to throw the leech off her, to grab Ben and leave. But there was - something - in Callista's eyes, in her frantic face that made her pause. Mara cared less for the woman than she cared for the Coruscant street grime that clung to her boots. But she felt her anger begin to ebb, and she wondered why.

Mara gently, but forcefully, pried Callista's fingers off her arm, and the woman collapsed onto her knees, dejected. Mara crossed her arms. It really was a pathetic sight, but strangely, she felt no joy seeing it.

"Well?" she asked coolly. Breathing heavily, Callista looked up questioningly. Mara rolled her eyes. "I'm listening. And you are going to tell me why you are here. I know you haven't found the Force again, I can feel it."

Callista drew herself into a standing position. The woman had some height on Mara, but that did not deter her. She knew height and build had very little to do with intimidation. She looked to Callista expectantly.

"No, I haven't found the Force, and I have managed to resist the Dark Side... " Callista appeared to be choosing her words carefully. "But what I have to say is for Luke alone."

"This is not a negotiation," Mara snapped. Her patience was ready to break, and she began to walk away, but again Callista grabbed her arm. Mara shook it off easily.

"Mara... " Callista called again, and Mara stopped. As much as she wanted to walk away, she was innately curious. "Mara," Callista was facing her again, and appeared to check herself. "I suppose... I should address you as Madame Skywalker," she managed to force out.

A sardonic thought crossed Mara's mind. "Actually," she began, as nonchalantly as she could. "I'm a Jedi Master now." She watched in glee as Callista's brow creased, and her lips twitch painfully.

"Master Skywalker, then," Callista managed not to choke on the words. "I know we were never exactly friendly with each other... or even civil," she admitted.

_Yes_ , Mara thought. _Because I saw you for trouble long before anyone else did_.

"But, please," Callista lowered her head slightly, in a sign of defeat. "I need to see Luke."

"He's off-planet at the moment," Mara admitted, watching as fury blazed in Callista's eyes.

"You... you," she spluttered out. "You let me... "

"Oh, shut up." If there was one thing Mara despised it was blubbering. "When he returns I'll tell him you're here," the words spilled out of Mara's mouth without her realising. She had been fully prepared the tell Callista to get off planet or she would personally see to it that she was never heard from again. Instead, she had all but promised an audience with Luke. Since when did she feel sympathy for Callista Ming, who didn't deserve to come within a system's length of her husband? Mara sighed. There was no going back now. "I'll tell him, and if he wants to see you, I'll allow it."

"Really?" Callista looked as surprised as she felt.

"Yes." Mara rubbed her brow in frustration. Being around Callista was taxing her. "Here's my comm frequency," she recited it. "Transfer the details on where you're staying."

Callista looked at her suspiciously. "How can I trust you?"

An irritability she couldn't ignore flushed over Mara. "I'm a Jedi. It's in the job description." She turned her irate gaze towards her. "Now get out of my sight."

Probably realising that it was as far as she was going to get, Callista nodded curtly. Glancing to where Ben was picking flower petals and throwing them into the air, she called to him. "Goodbye, Ben. It was nice talking to you."

The small boy bounded over to the two women. "You leaving, 'Lista?" he pouted.

Callista nodded, smiling broadly at the child. "Maybe I'll see you again, soon."

Mara raised her eyebrows. _Not if she could help it!_

Ben held out one of the brightly coloured blossoms, which Callista accepted gracefully. A look of wistfulness crossed her face as she smiled. "Thank you." She turned to Mara and gave a slight bow of respect. "Master Skywalker." She nodded in response, watching Callista closely until she was out of sight.

Mara felt her equilibrium return. She closed her eyes, feeling unexpectedly exhausted. It wasn't long, however, before she felt an impatient tugging on her leg. Mara reopened her eyes, to see Ben holding out the remaining flower in his hand.

"I picked the best one for you, Mama."

Sinking to her knees, Mara pulled Ben into a tight embrace. Suddenly, she was thankful for everything she had.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Jedi Praxeum, Yavin IV. 12 ABY._ **

She'd just stopped by to deliver a message. What Mara couldn't figure out - and what was beginning to annoy her greatly - was why everyone was looking at her so strangely. True enough, her own training was incomplete, but that was no reason for the Jedi and their trainees to treat her like some Force-pariah. She was not the one who had lost the ability to touch the Force, after all.

Which was one of the reasons she had regretted letting Skywalker talk her into staying longer at his Sith-forsaken academy. Although it had given her a small amount of satisfaction seeing Callista eating alone, detached from the other students. She did not lookmas though she belonged there.

Mara had met Callista - briefly - when she came to the rescue on the _Eye of Palpatine_ , but Mara had spent much of the trip back to Coruscant avoiding her - and Luke, for that matter.

Mara didn't know what had possessed her to sit beside the woman. She certainly didn't have any real desire to speak with her. Although she had come to see Skywalker as an... ally, she supposed, that feeling did not extend to whomever he chose to bed. It wasn't as if she had any particular interest in Skywalker's personal life, anyway.

Maybe it was simply that she preferred to suffer a few minutes with Callista than be stuck with the throng of Skywalker's starry-eyed acolytes. The lesser of two evils, she surmised. But there had been that small, niggling uncertainty around Callista's presence. Mara hated not knowing where she stood. It was unnecessary, perhaps, but she needed Callista to know her - even if only to know that she meant nothing to her.

_'So, you're Skywalker's new lady?'_

The delivery had been perfect - a balanced mix of scorn and apathy. As if Callista was simply the latest in a long line of Luke's lovers. Of course, Mara knew that not to be the truth, and chances were Callista did too. But the words had accomplished their purpose. Mara had her place, and now Callista knew it. That was until...

_'I've also heard hints you may have been interested in Luke yourself at one time.'_

It hadn't just been the stew that had caused the bitter, ugly feeling in Mara's mouth. It hurt even worse, now. To have Callista think that she was... interested... in Skywalker... it was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. Anger burned within Mara as she stalked resolutely toward her ship. The nerve that woman had, insinuating there may have been more between her and Luke than... well, mild distaste and resigned acceptance. He saw her as no more than a potential student. She saw him as... well, the truth was, Mara wasn't exactly sure how she saw him anymore. Perhaps that was what made Callista's words so much harder to shake off.

Skywalker was... Skywalker. The insufferable, self-righteous Farmboy turned Jedi Master. She certainly didn't count him among her friends. His ill-timed lectures on the Force and off-centre sense of humour irritated her more than anything else. But... he had helped her overcome the Emperor's zealous control over her mind. He'd shown her kindness and acceptance when she'd done nothing to deserve it. He had always been there when she'd needed him, even if it was just someone to... be with. Someone who didn't see her as the former-Emperor's Hand, or the successful trader. Skywalker always seemed to look past that. The feeling was comforting. And she couldn't deny that he'd taught her a great deal about the Force.

But then he said something, did something, that made her hate him all over again.

"Mara!"

She heard the call from the other side of the hanger, clear and crisp across the distance. Mara squared her shoulders and kept walking, a bit more briskly. But it only took a few seconds for him to cross the space and snag her elbow, causing her to stop. Mara snuck a look at him, but did not turn around. He must have run to reach her but, insufferably, he showed no signs of it. No sweat on his brow, no irregular breathing to indicate he'd just sprinted across the jungle.

Mara cleared her throat. "Skywalker."

Probably realising she wasn't about to face him head on, Luke twisted on his feet until he was standing in front of her. There was a small, accommodating smile on his face. "You promised me a few hours, Jade," he said, with a hint of a reprimand in his tone.

"Once again, Skywalker, you misappropriate my words." She looked at his confused, narrowing eyes and sighed dramatically. "I said I would grab a quick meal and then get out of here. I've done that."

"Yes, well... " Luke folded his arms defiantly. "I had hoped that meal would be eaten in my presence."

"Ah, but you didn't stipulate that in your demands." Mara felt the beginnings of a smile work their way onto her face.

Luke grinned in return. "I'll make sure to ask Leia to teach me some proper negotiation skills, then."

"That might help." Mara felt her resolve to leave fade away, her smile broadening at the mischievous look on his face. "I'll be expecting a better opponent next time."

"So there will be a next time?" Luke leaned in slightly towards her, a glint of hope in his eye. "You know it means a lot to me when you come here. I realise... that it's not your favourite place to be."

"Well, I told you Skywalker, there are times I do look forward to seeing you." Mara mirrored his action, leaning in close to him. "Don't do anything to dissuade my opinion and... in all probability, there may be a next time."

Luke's smile softened. "Good." His voice was almost a whisper. They were standing so close that Mara could feel his gentle breathe as he spoke, could feel the warmth radiate off his body. With anyone else, she may have pulled away, kept herself distant. But with Skywalker it almost felt right.

They stood that way for several moments, until Mara noticed the almost imperceptible darkening of his eyes. He blinked, as if waking from a dream, and coughed uncomfortably. Obviously he hadn't realised how close their bodies had been to one another, and he stepped back quickly, almost tripping in his haste to distance himself.

"I mean... uh... good." He stumbled over the words, eyes darting everywhere except her face. "It's good to see you continuing your training. And it gives you a chance to get to know Callista."

Mara felt the contented smile slip from her face. Carefully, she replaced it with impassiveness. _Callista_. The gravity of the situation she found herself in suddenly hit her. The hanger was empty, but if anyone had seen her and Skywalker, standing so close to one another... especially that weasel Kyp Durron, they would have delighted in running off to tell Callista about it. Probably adding in a few sordid details.

No one else would understand. What had passed between them in those few moments had nothing to do with attraction. For Sith's sake, Skywalker was the last person in the galaxy she would be interested in. It had been about comfort and acceptance. A silent understanding, for Mara, at least. And perhaps an unspoken promise of friendship, something more than the way they had been dancing around each other for the past few years.

But Luke had jumped away from her, as if they had been doing something wrong. Something unfaithful. That was what turned Mara's melancholy to anger. She glared at him. A chance to know Callista? She knew enough.

"What have you been telling her?" Mara demanded.

"What?" Luke seemed to have recovered from his shock and glared back at her, his hackles clearly raised by her sharp tone.

"Callista. What did you say to her about me?" Mara folded her arms protectively across her chest. "About you and me?"

Luke closed his eyes briefly, and Mara felt him probing at her through the Force. She brutally shoved him away from her mind.

"Mara, I don't know what you're talking about." He opened his eyes, and she saw genuine confusion in them.

"She seems to be under the impression that I am... interested in you," she growled out the words ruthlessly.

"Interested?" Luke furrowed his brow. "How, as a Jedi? She knows that you no longer wish to kill me."

_Don't be so sure about that_ , she mused. At any other time, she might find his naiveté amusing, but dark emotions burned within her. "Interested in the way you are _interested_ in her, Skywalker."

"Oh." Comprehension dawned on Luke's face, followed by panic, and finally, disbelief. "That's ridiculous, Mara."

" _I_ know that. Only a fool would be interested in you, Skywalker." She ignored the wince her comment brought to his already tense face. "What I want to know is how she came to that conclusion."

Luke's hand came up to scratch his neck in contemplation. He was calm, despite her harsh words and angered disposition.

"It couldn't have been anything I said to her, Mara. I've only told her that you are my friend, about your potential as a Jedi."

"And about the Emperor? I'm sure she was delighted to hear about that." Mara's tone broke slightly.

"No!" Luke looked horrified. "What you've told me in confidence, Mara, about your past life... I would never betray you like that." His eyes pleaded with her to believe him.

"Then, how... "

"Come on, Mara," he took a tentative step towards her. "You know those hologossipers. They've been rumours about us all over the press for years."

Mara felt the first wave of calm permeate her. What he was saying made sense. The holopress had started writing about them after Wayland, including her less than savory past. Whenever there was a lack of excitement in the galaxy, they seemed to recycle the story, complete with new and often doctored images of them together. She'd learnt to ignore it.

"Or maybe it was Han," Luke continued, stepping ever closer to her an touching her and touching her upper arm lightly. "You know how he likes to stir people up."

Mara nodded, once, signalling her acceptance. Her anger drained away as quickly as it had appeared, though some of the bitter resentment remained, sequestered in that hidden place of her heart.

"I don't care what people think of me, Skywalker," she told him, her tone noticeably softer. "I just... "

Luke smiled softly at her, and ran his hand up her arm to rest on her shoulder. "I know, Mara." He stared intently into her eyes and squeezed her shoulder lightly. "I know."

But their peace was short-lived, as Luke's gaze flittered to the mouth of the hanger, and his smile broadened. Mara turned to see the quickly approaching form of Callista, and she shirked away from Luke's gentle touch. She glanced towards her ship, but Skywalker's body effectively cut off her escape route. She would have to face the woman again.

Callista reached them quickly, and it pleased Mara to note that she was slightly out of breath. Without so much as a glance at her, Callista thrust herself into Luke's arms, a coquettish smile on her face.

"The students were wondering where the Master was," she said, her voice falsely playful.

"I'm sure he's around somewhere," Luke smiled, bringing an arm around her. It was enough to make Mara feel ill. She began to move, hoping to slip by them unnoticed, but Callista's sharp eyes halted her.

"Leaving so soon, Mara Jade?" she asked, moving closer to Luke's side. Staking her claim, Mara deduced.

"I have more important places to be," Mara said stiffly.

A twisted smile crossed Callista's face. "Like in the company of Lando Calrissian?" There was an undercurrent of a sneer to her voice.

"Callista," Luke warned softly. "Mara's private life is her own." But Mara noticed him flinch at the mention of Lando's name. She was intrigued by the obvious disproval of the rumours about her and Calrissian. Mara wondered why he hadn't asked her about them. Well, Mara wasn't going to do anything to dissuade his opinion, although she'd told Callista the truth.

"He's certainly more entertaining company than the lot you have here," she shot back, giving Luke the benefit of a long, distasteful look.

"I suppose it would be hard for someone like you to understand," Callista said with mock sympathy.

"Someone like me?" Mara raised an amused eyebrow.

"Your Imperial ties are hardly a secret in the New Republic," Callista added. "I suppose a place like this, so strong with the Force you seem to have abandoned - it would bother you to be here."

"Callista!" Luke admonished her again, before Mara could respond. He turned towards her, silently pleading with Mara not to snap back at his lover, to remind her of her own painful loss in the Force and the pain that's he was likely projection onto Mara.

Mara tried to make herself believe that she simply didn't care. She forced a smirk onto her face. "Well, I may have been wrong about _you_ being entertaining, Callista." She nodded to Luke. "Skywalker. I'm afraid that the next time we were talking about may be later rather than sooner." With that, she turned and stalked resolutely towards her ship, leaving the couple behind.

No, she wouldn't be coming to Yavin anytime soon, not while Callista was still around. She never wanted to be on the same planet as that woman again.

* * *

Luke watched sadly as the small ship disappeared into the atmosphere. Mara Jade's visits always seemed too brief. He lamented her reluctance to train fully as a Jedi with him, but a far more acute pain was brought by the loss of her presence itself. Once he was able to get past her durasteel mask, the core of Mara Jade was brilliance itself, pulsating with life, light and the Force. He just wished she would open herself up more to him, but occasions where she allowed her mask to slip were few and far between. But Luke promised himself that, eventually, he would make it past all of her barriers.

Callista wiggled slightly in his arms, seemingly bored with his silent contemplation. "I don't understand why you spend so much energy on her, Luke," she said finally, turning her cloudy grey eyes towards him.

Luke sighed. It was difficult for the outsider to understand his relationship with Mara. There was trust, loyalty and camaraderie. Yes, even friendship, but it was tempered with resistance, antagonism and perhaps even a little fear. Luke knew that she feared the power he could wield if he chose to, and what he could become. Maybe that was what caused her to pull away from him so violently, to reject the connection they could have. He wasn't quite sure of the connection they'd just experienced himself. He wasn't exactly sure what had made him pull away so forcefully. Or why she had become so angry.

Mara Jade was not an easy woman to understand, or care for. Callista, on the other hand, made it very easy. She allowed his affection and love, returning it openly. He pulled her close, and kissed her cropped hair. "It's hard to explain, Callista. Mara and I have been through a lot together." He turned his gaze back towards the sky.

"And we haven't?" Callista's tone was indignant.

Running his free hand through his hair, Luke sighed again. "It's just different with Mara."

"Because she served the Emperor?"

Luke whipped his gaze down towards his lover.

"People talk around this Academy, Luke," she answered his unspoken question. "I know all about her."

"Then you understand why it's so difficult for her," Luke hoped that she would begin to see things his way and accept Mara the way he had.

"It _should_ be difficult for her, Luke," Callista turned in his arm and brought both of her hands to cup his face. "You're good. You have the purest spirit I've ever known, full of kindness and compassion. It seems such a waste to spend it on her."

Reluctantly, Luke pulled back from Callista's firm hold. "I don't see any kind of compassion as a waste," he said firmly.

"She killed people, Luke," Callista insisted.

"So have I." Luke regarded her, his eyes softening. "Many more than I am comfortable with."

"That was different, Luke. You were on the right side," Callista took a step towards him, stretching her arms out again.

"And who decides what's right, Callista? The Jedi, the Sith?" He eyes her coolly. "Mara has been a friend to me for a long time. She's a good person. I know if you'd look past your prejudices, you'd see that." Luke gently stepped towards her, surprised to see sudden tears in her eyes. What was it exactly that had caused this friction between the two women? Mara had reacted to Callista just as violently.

"I'm sorry Luke," Callista finally spoke, turning a teary gaze towards him. "I forget how different you are from other people." She smiled softly at him. "I love you for that." Her hands wandered up his chest, coming to rest on his shoulders. "The important thing is to focus on me finding the Force again," she continued. "Nothing else matters."

Gently kissing her forehead, Luke pulled her into a loose embrace. She clung to him tightly, burrowing her head into the soft cloth of his cloak. Luke brought his arms to rest lightly on her back, suddenly troubled. Quietly holding her, Luke pondered the ramifications of this change between them, their altered sense of peace.

He loved Callista. Then why did he feel such uneasiness in his heart?


	6. Chapter 6

**_Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant 32 ABY._ **

 

The woman in the mirror stared back at her, judging, criticising. It was not the face that Mara Jade remembered. All of her significant features were still there, the red hair, the green eyes, the athletic build and strong face with high cheekbones and an angular jaw. But they all were slightly altered, slightly off-centre from the woman she had been. There were a few more grey strands among the red masses of her hair. Her eyes, too, had darkened slightly, and for the first time, she saw how much of her age she carried there. A few, small wrinkles creased her mouth when she smiled, marking the otherwise taut skin. Years of continued exercise and activity meant she had maintained her trim, fit figure, which kept her satisfied enough. But there was the small excess of skin around her belly, where it had stretched during her pregnancy to accommodate her son. No amount of lightsaber practice had seemed sufficient to get rid of that. Leia had told her with sympathy that she may never lose it. Not at her age.

It wasn't that Mara thought of herself as _old_ , in the same way she didn't think of Luke or Leia as old. Han perhaps. He had a few good years on the lot of them. True, Luke's hair had become streaked with distinguished veins of grey, and he always complained playfully that he was going to end up looking like Ben Kenobi in a few years, but he wasn't _old_. Not in the way he held himself, free from any slump or slouch that indicated deteriorating muscles or a defeated, resigned attitude. His cerulean eyes still burned with the youthful, reckless passion she had seen when they had first met. In Mara's heart and mind, they were both as young as they had ever been.

Which was different from maturity, she supposed. Mara wondered at the woman she had become, and knew that the changes she had undergone were much deeper than the physical. She wondered what had made her pause at the mirror, she wondered how it was possible that she had come this far, to be a wife, a mother, a Jedi Master. All the years had passed by in mere moments, to her mind.

Ben was in his room, quietly sitting by himself, thinking. He did that so much, and Mara couldn't deny that it unsettled her. He wasn't playing with his toys, or watching a holovid. He was just sitting. Luke had said it was nothing to worry about. He had spent much of his solitary childhood the same way, he had told her. Mara thought differently. As a boy, Luke didn't have a lot of other choices. He didn't have many toys, or other children to play with. Ben did. And he chose to sit in contemplation, unwilling to be disturbed or distracted. Then other times, he would be alive, bounding around with excess energy. His actions in Tionne's office had been a prime example - when they'd finally made it there.

_"Ben," Mara called wearily, "Put that down, it's fragile." Ben had only clutched the intricate figurine closer, studying the detailed carvings on the base._

_"That's alright, Mara," Tionne had cut in gently. "I'm sure he won't break it."_

_Mara snorted. "History disagrees with you." She had long ago learnt to keep anything breakable from Ben's reach. He had quick reflexes, but all too often he was distracted by something else and forgot about the treasure in his hands. And the particular one in Ben's hands happened to be an irreplaceable Rindaon artifact. Mara walked swiftly across the room and gently plucked the figurine from Ben's grasp, putting it on a shelf out of his reach. His lower lip quivered for a moment, and Mara could already see the tears forming in his eyes. She knew the warning signs for a full-blown tantrum, and quickly searched for something to occupy him with._

_From within the fold of her robe, Mara produced a small puzzle box that Luke had made before he'd left. The small wooden slabs slid around the base, and if pushed correctly, would form an image based on the intricate carvings. She'd meant to give it to Ben earlier, but it had slipped her mind. Grateful for its presence, Mara thrust it at the whimpering child. Immediately his eyes lit up and his previous mood was forgotten. Relief flooded through Mara as she showed Ben how to work it, and he plonked himself on the floor murmuring quietly to himself._

_Mara returned to her seat at Tionne's desk, and the Jedi smiled gently at her. "Thank the Force for small blessings?"_

_Mara nodded vigorously. "Now, what were you saying about the Academy?" She was eager to get the meeting over with before Ben figured out the puzzle box._

_Straightening in her chair, Tionne resumed her professional tone. "Chief of State Omas is pressuring us to train as many potential Jedi to Knighthood as we are able. Unfortunately, his ideas on possible and ours are somewhat different."_

_Mara nodded again. "He wants as many 'servants' of the government out there as there were during the days of the Old Republic."_

_"Precisely." Tionne picked up her datapad. "I have told him that is an impossible task. Studying the figures available to me, there are simply not enough fully trained Jedi or Masters among us who are willing or able to take on apprentices."_

_"I know that Jaina isn't exactly keen," Mara added. "And we have agreed that one on one training is essential."_

_"Something the Chief of State does not fully appreciate," Tionne grimaced._

_"I assume he wants some sort of pompous en masse promotion for all the apprentices, whether they're ready or not?" Mara felt a sense of foreboding fill her._

_"Something like that." The expression of Tionne's face was no more optimistic. "Unfortunately, I'm afraid he may only listen to Master Skywalker."_

_"Luke does seem to be the only one who can talk sense into him," Mara agreed._

_"Have you heard from him on Kuat?" Tionne inquired. "I have not received any communication on the status of his mission."_

_"We haven't either." Mara's mouth twitched. It was unlike Luke to go so long without contacting her. She knew if anything had happened to him, she would have felt it, but she worried more these days. She preferred to have her family all on the same planet. "I'm sure this can wait until he returns, though."_

_"I wanted to keep you informed, regardless." Tionne's sharp eyes roamed over her, and Mara could tell she had sensed the change in her mood. "Are you alright, Mara? You seem... unsettled."_

_Mara wanted to tell her - tell anyone about Callista's appearance, to unload her troubles and seek advice, but she decided against it. It wouldn't be fair to Luke._

_"I'm fine," she answered Tionne. "Just... fine."_

But she wasn't fine. Mara was agitated, cagey. The woman in the mirror stared back at her skeptically. The rational part of her mind to her it was ridiculous to be insecure, to be so anxious about Callista's reappearance. Even if she had come back hoping to rekindle a relationship with Luke, Mara shouldn't feel the need to worry about anything. If there was anything she could ever be sure of, it was Luke's love for her. But there was that small, niggling voice that refused to be silenced.

They hadn't really spoken about Callista after they'd been married. She'd never asked, and Luke certainly hadn't been forthcoming with information. For Mara she had never been an issue, she had been dead to both of them. However having her on Coruscant, very much alive and well, and asking to see Luke... it disturbed Mara more than she cared to admit.

The insistent beeping of her comm unit forced Mara out of her introspection. A faint tingling went up her spine...she knew it had to be Luke.

 

* * *

 

Callista walked blindly through the streets of Coruscant, pulling her cloak firmly around her shivering body. Night had fallen, but the never-ending stream of neon lights from the buildings lit her way. She ignored the world around her, rushing through the crowds and through the back streets to the apartment she had rented.

She couldn't deny it. While her reason for returning to Coruscant had more to do with the Jedi than Luke Skywalker, she had hoped that, after all these years... That he, perhaps, was as lonely as she was. That he could forgive her for leaving him so callously, so abruptly and, maybe... start again.

That seemed an impossible dream, now. Married, with a child. Callista couldn't help but lament over the fact that she was not the wife he cherished, who he had pledged to spend his life with. Callista had felt ice grip her heart when she'd seen Ben.

_"Scuse me."_

_Callista had been enjoying the peace of the gardens when a small boy, running too quickly for his own good, saved himself before he crashed into her leg. She smiled at his politeness, and he turned his gaze upwards, craning his neck to see her properly. She was shocked by the colour, the depth of his eyes, and more important the familiarity of them._

_The child's face creased as he grinned, which only strengthened her suspicions. She'd known only one other person who could smile so endearingly._

_"Hello," she greeted the child warmly. "Aren't you a little young to be here by yourself?" A quick scan of the surrounding area did not reveal any other presence._

_A small flash of guilt crossed the child's face briefly, before being smothered by a self-assured grin. "I know how to stay out of trouble."_

_"Oh?" Callista dropped carefully to her knees, so that she was eye-level with the boy._

_"Yep," Ben raised his chin defiantly. "I can tell things about people."_

_Callista felt her eyebrow raise. "How so?"_

_"I can feel things," he said simply, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world._

_"And how do I feel?" Callista asked him cautiously. She knew how her lack of the Force affected others, and she didn't want to frighten he child._

_The child narrowed his eyes at her, and scrunched up his lower lip, concentrating. "You feel funny," he admitted finally._

_"Like nothing?" Callista asked him sadly._

_"No." The boy's eyes peered into hers again. "You feel like a cloudy day. When the sun is hiding."_

_Callista felt something twinge in her heart, but it was not as painful as she had felt before. It was something she had not felt in a long time. Acceptance, perhaps. Human contact - understanding, rather than ignorance._

_"My name is Callista," she said, smiling sweetly at him._

_She received another broad grin. "I'm Ben Skywalker."_

So easily, he could have been her own child. With hair that glinted a golden malt rather than red in the sun. It hurt her deeply to remember that she had so flippantly thrown away that possibility. She and Luke had spoken of marriage, in those blissful days on Yavin IV. And children.

She'd been so naive then, so consumed by her own, ludicrous quest to find the Force again. It had not occurred to her that she may be missing out on something, that she was letting opportunity pass her by. She'd been obsessed, devoted to the one thing that she believed would bring her happiness again, but had only brought about her gradual decomposition. The destruction of her life.

For years she had followed the Force, but it had led her astray. That, or her own hopeless dreams. Her Master had once told her that one could not view life through the window of a cockpit, staring ahead into hyperspace. If she focussed too heavily on her eventual goal, her destination, she would pass by too many important things. She would not be able to see what was happening around her, behind her.

The advice came back to her, after another fruitless quest. She had followed some flimsy lead, a scrap of obtuse Jedi lore, and once again it had ended in failure. By then she knew she would not find the answers, but continued on. She knew that something would die inside of her if she gave up, if she accepted defeat. Callista wondered if that was what she was choking on now. Capitulation to that higher Force, that fate she had always claimed to serve.

It tasted so bitter.

Knowing that she could have had a child by Luke Skywalker, had a dozen children by him. She had been too selfish, then, too hungry for the Force, for the life of a Jedi, to marry the man she'd loved so deeply. To tell him that they could not risk having a child together, for fear of him being without the Force as she was. She'd been too blinded, too fixated out the cockpit window, to realise that he'd never cared about that. That love, not the Force, was paramount to him. It hurt Callista to live now, knowing she would never be that love to him again. Knowing that the role had been coveted and achieved by another.

She had never hated Mara Jade, although it might have appeared differently. She had envied her terribly. It seemed ludicrous, to be so insecure about the woman, when Luke had pledged his unconditional love to Callista. It was the connection between them, the bond in the Force that even a child could have realised, that hurt Callista the most. That a former Imperial assassin, the very people she had, in her other life, died fighting against, could have such a union with Luke. One that Callista herself could never have again.

Her pain had turned to jealously, twisted into some unnatural resentment. Something that had not lessened over the years. Callista would not allow herself to become angry - she could never permit such danger within herself - but the pain, the throbbing ache within her would always be there. The part that told her Mara Jade was simply not worthy of a man such as Luke, not good enough to bear his child. Not worthy for that child to look at her with such love, such adoration...

The chill in the air seeped into her skin as Callista reached her rented apartment, a dingy, dirty excuse for a living space. It didn't even have a window to view the stars from. She was alone, save for the vicious sounds of brawling from the neighbouring clubs. Of the smell of cleaning fluid that didn't actually seem to sterilise anything at all.

In the darkness, Callista Ming wept for her lost hope.

 

* * *

 

"Luke?" Mara drank in the holographic presence of her husband, eagerly tracing every line, every contour of his face and body the static image presented. He grinned at her adorably as her voice carried over the voice between them. Even though he was light-years away, too far to properly touch her with the Force without exertion, she still felt a glow fill her. A fortifying of the Luke-place in the back of her mind.

"Mara," he said, his smile fading into an apologetic crease. "I'm sorry I haven't contacted you sooner."

Mara grunted, her pleasure at seeing him twisting into a strange satisfaction at seeing him suffer, just a little. He'd left her hanging, so to speak. "More important things to do, Farmboy?" She asked with the appropriate amount of smarm in her tone.

Her husband's grin returned. "Well, Han did make a point to mention all of the good drinking spots in this system... "

"All high class establishments, I'm sure," Mara said curtly, the beginnings of a smile tugging at the side of her mouth.

"Jealous?" Luke said in an exaggerated drawl.

"Of you, Farmboy? Never." Mara smiled smugly at him as Luke chuckled amiably. It was these pleasant, playful moments that almost made Mara wish she wasn't married to the galaxy's most influential Jedi Master. That they spend these moments together, rather than through a tentative communications system. That she could feel his laugh, feel his breath against her ear, feel the movements in his chest as it constricted and relaxed. Pushing the thought aside, Mara's concentration refocused on Luke. Inter-stellar communications were not cheap.

"How goes the mission then?" A businesslike tone flooded her voice.

"Quite well," Luke answered placidly. "There are a surprising amount of Force-sensitives here, mostly around Ben's age or a bit younger."

"We can thank the end of the war for that," Mara added. "Not only is there the massive rise in the birth rate, people are more willing to admit to their potential in the Force."

"Or their children's." Luke nodded back at her. "We have found many promising students, and most with enthusiastic families."

Mara felt her smile become slightly sardonic. "And dare I ask how Master Durron is faring?"

"You know Kyp." Luke smiled. "Out to prove himself, as always. He's become quite a hero to some of the locals."

"He didn't pull that flashy, obnoxious, walking-on-fire trick, did he?" Mara smirked.

"Funny. He's actually shown quite a bit of promise in his teaching. I'll think he'll be prepared to take on another apprentice, soon."

"Speaking of which," Mara began, remembering her earlier conversation with Tionne. "Omas seems to have taken an interest in the way the new Academy will be run. Apparently, we won't be churning them out fast enough." Mara felt a twinge of acrimony run through her.

Luke sighed, running his hand wearily across his face in newfound frustration. "Just one of many problems awaiting me when I return?"

"Unless you're planning on retirement," Mara answered dryly.

"That doesn't seem too likely." Luke conceded. "Can I say hello to Ben?"

Mara cast a glance to the closed door of Ben's bedroom. "I don't think now's a good time," she said reluctantly. It would be disappointing for Luke not to be able to see his son. "He's in one of his 'thinking' moods."

"I understand," a wave of sadness passed over Luke's face. "I don't want to disturb him. I'll be home in a few days."

"Good," Mara said resolutely. Their separation had been long enough.

"Ah," a mischievous twinkle formed in Luke's eye. "Does Mara Jade actually admit to missing me? To perhaps, needing me?"

"Just hurry home, you nerf."

Luke smiled sweetly. "I love you."

The communication ended, and Mara couldn't help but feel slightly bereft. It then occurred to her that she'd not mentioned Callista to him at all.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Calrissian Apartment, Kessel Station. 12 ABY** _

 

The decor was pleasing, she had to admit. Kessel Station had originally been an Imperial facility, but surprisingly, Lando had managed to disguise that fact rather well. The style of the apartment was flashy and ostentatious and not at all to her particular tastes. But certainly to Lando's, and using a fairly objective eye, Mara rather approved of Calrissian's accommodations.

"I still find it hard to believe you're actually living here," Mara called out to him.

A resonating chuckle came from the other room. "Well, my dear, someone has to keep an eye on our little investment," Lando said as he appeared in the doorway, two half-full glasses in his hand. "Your dedication to the Smuggler's Alliance is admirable, but I fear one of us has to be on the front lines." He handed her one of the beverages which she quickly identified as Corellian whiskey.

"Why do our meetings always start off with you attempting to liquor me up?" Mara eyed the amber liquid skeptically.

Lando cocked a dark eyebrow and took a seat on the chaise opposite her. "You would impugn my honour in such a way, Jade?"

"Yes."

He laughed heartily and leaned back into his seat. "That's what I like about you, Jade. Sharp as a bantha tusk."

Mara ignored the comment, and threw back her whiskey, enjoying the way it burned her throat. She'd been feeling so numb, lately.

Lando gave her an amused look and took a tentative sip of his own. "So, here for business, Jade?" He cocked a smile at her. "Or pleasure?"

Mara scowled at him. "The only pleasure I could have with you, Calrissian, involves a blaster, a dark alley and no witnesses."

An insufferable cackling was her only answer. Mara imagined Lando had started drinking before she arrived. She sighed, and pressed her shoulders back against her high-backed chair. It was going to be one of those nights.

"Come'on, Jade," Lando drawled, raising his glass towards her. "I've been talking business all day."

"I'm not one for pleasantries, Calrissian, you know that," she said sharply.

"It was one of the first things I noticed about you, Mara." He sipped casually at his drink. "No preamble, just straight to the bare, naked truth," he tilted a suggestive eyebrow at her. "I like that in a woman."

Mara rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to get anything out of you tonight, am I?"

"Depends what you want."

Mara gave him a harsh look, and raised abruptly to her feet. There was a time when she would have left the apartment without a word. But as much as she riled against it, Mara found that she had grown used to Lando's affectionate innuendo. She tolerated it, because she knew he would never take it further than words, not if she didn't encourage it. A part of her actually enjoyed sharpening his wits against his playful insinuations.

Mara found herself heading towards Lando's kitchen, or more specifically, to the counter on which a mostly-full bottle of Corellian whiskey rested. She found herself pouring another healthy glass of the potent drink. After a moment's contemplation, she picked up the bottle itself, bringing it back into Lando's living room. Sexual overtones aside, she didn't intently dislike his company. And tonight, perhaps - she needed to be with someone who didn't expect anything from her.

As she re-entered the room, Mara almost smiled at the slightly shocked look to his face. But he quickly smothered it with a charming grin. She placed the whiskey on the glass table in front of him, but remained standing.

"Challenging me to a drinking competition, Jade?" Lando said teasingly.

"Hardly," she quipped. "As much as I'd like to see you cowering in defeat... " she added as an afterthought.

"My dear, a gentlemen never cowers," Lando puffed out his chest and raised his glass in a salute.

"So you wouldn't have a problem with it, then?" She smothered a smile and turned towards the room-length transparisteel window behind her. It certainly was the crowing jewel of the apartment. It added such ambience, the stars glistening over the smoky, mine-marred planet.

"If I didn't know better, Mara," Lando continued, and she could hear the comfortable teasing in his voice. "I would say all of this blatant hostility was masking an undeniable attraction on your part."

Mara merely grunted, taking another sip of the strong alcohol.

"So how _is_ Luke?"

Mara stiffened at the name, and the sudden change in topic. What had made him bring up Skywalker? Slowly, she turned back to face Lando.

"What?" she asked, deliberately keeping her emotions in check.

"Word is that you've seen him recently."

Mara folded her arms across her chest, gazing at him skeptically. "And whose word would that be?"

Lando said nothing, and smiled secretively into his drink.

"I see." She pursed her lips. "I suppose I can round down the list of suspects to that good-for-nothing Solo."

"I saw him on Coruscant last week, in fact." Lando swirled his drink nonchalantly.

"Then why didn't you ask _him_ how Skywalker is?" Mara wasn't sure if she liked where this conversation seemed to be headed.

"I did." Lando smiled smugly. "Han said he'd only just left, with a certain ravishing beauty in tow."

"If you dare say 'the blonde with the legs'... " Mara growled.

"Not to worry my dear," he looked up at her sweetly. "You know I only have eyes for you."

"I'm sure."

Lando leaned forward casually to refill his glass. "Han did happen to mention Luke saying you'd paid him a visit on Yavin."

"Hardly a newsworthy event," Mara commented.

"Yes, but from what I hear, things were not exactly... harmonious... between the two of you."

"Is nothing is sacred over Sabacc?" Mara shook her head in frustration. "Smugglers are the galaxy's worst gossip-mongers."

"Including yourself in that broad analysis, Jade?" Lando smirked at her.

Mara clenched her fists and turned away from him again. "What happens between me and Skywalker is none of your business," she said coolly.

"I think you're jealous."

Mara whirled around to face him again, emotions reeling from the accusation. "What?" A familiar anger started the bubble within her.

"Jealous, Jade," Lando sat passively, as if his words were not having the slightest effect on her.

"I've heard some ludicrous things come out of that mouth of yours, Calrissian," She kept her voice even. "But you've outdone yourself."

Lando kept grinning inanely at her. "Come'on, Mara. Everyone knows that you are partial to Luke's company."

"Perhaps everyone needs to pay a little bit more attention," Mara snapped. "And stop listening to holo-gossipers."

"I'm not saying you're in love with him, Jade," Lando shrugged his shoulders. "But I've seen the two of you together. In your own little world," he waved his hands for emphasis. "For years, now, Luke's been hanging off your every word, grateful for any scrap of attention you give him. I'm his friend too, Mara," he reminded her. "I know these things about him." He gave her a knowledgeable nod of his head.

"Then all of a sudden, Callista shows up... and he doesn't seem to have as much time for you anymore," Lando continued. "You feel slighted that he's not begging you for attention. After Leia, you were the most important woman in his life, and now you've been replaced." He smirked. "And you're jealous."

Slowly, the irritation inside Mara had been building to anger at Lando's words. It flared white-hot and bubbled over.

"I am _not_... jealous of that," she struggled to find the words "... ignorant, self-obsessed, Force-devoid... body snatcher!" She spat out the words like fire and they tasted acidic on her tongue.

But Lando simply leaned his head back, and a hearty laugh escaped his lips. Mara crossed her arms, embarrassment flooding her as Lando continued to chortle.

"Body snatcher," he chuckled to himself, shaking his head. "You're one of a kind, Jade."

Mara sighed, allowing herself to sink into the couch near, not quite beside Lando. "I'm glad I've provided you with an evening's entertainment," she muttered, reaching forward to pour herself another drink. She threw it back quickly, and coughed at the sensation it caused in her throat.

"But am I right?" Lando eyed her eagerly.

Mara ignored him, staring at the way the light reflected off the crystal glass as she moved it between her hands. There had been an undercurrent of truth to Lando's words that Mara just couldn't admit to herself. She wasn't jealous - jealously was such a disfigured word, and not nearly enough to describe how she felt. In fact, if Mara was honest with herself, she wasn't sure if she even could describe how she felt.

"Come on, Jade. Truth time," he continued to goad her.

"I find it hard to believe you've come up with this by yourself, Calrissian," she eventually managed to say, her voice cold. "This theory of yours has the distinct impression of Solo on it."

Lando shrugged his shoulders and grinned wickedly. "I confess, Han did start me thinking about it. He's always had this insane hunch about the two of you."

Mara clenched her fists. So it had been Han that had given Callista the impression about her and Luke. Briefly, she imagined what would be the quickest and easiest way to dispatch him.

"But I did some fine tweaking myself," Lando continued proudly. "Based on observation of your fair person."

Mara felt horribly exposed. She crossed her arms over herself protectively. She didn't know how to convince everyone of the truth, partly because she didn't know what the truth was.

"You have to admire Luke's taste," Lando continued to speak heedlessly. "Although, from what I hear, Callista does seem a little... blank".

"I thought you would have liked the simpering, silent type of woman," Mara found her voice, her tone grating, stumbling over the spiteful words.

"I'm a gambler, Mara," he reminded her. "I love a challenge."

Mara found herself turning her gaze towards the man next to her. She studied him, perhaps for the first time since they'd known each other. There was no denying that he was a handsome man. His thick crop of dark hair framed a clean-cut, rounded face, and his sensuous eyes had the ability to captivate most women. A winning smile blazed beneath his stylishly cropped moustache, perfectly straight teeth gleaming. He had the outward confidence and striking looks of a holo-star. He was attractive, that fact Mara had always known. It was just that she had never considered it relevant to anything before.

"Personally," Lando continued, unaware of her close examination. "I can't see how Luke could notice anyone but you. Cray was a looker, that's for sure, but my dear, you have something else." He patted her leg affectionately. Mara found that she had no desire to forcibly remove the appendage.

It would be so easy - just to press her lips to his, to forget about everything and everyone... especially Luke Skywalker. She'd done it more times than she could count in the past. When she'd been drifting from one job, one system to another in those unsure days before she's joined Karrde's organisation. Hopelessly empty from the loss of her Emperor, trying desperately to fill the void with anything she could. Men had bought her drinks willingly, and back then, she had let them. Consumed everything they had to offer - their companionship, mixed in with a haze of alcohol and self-loathing.

It had never been enough to fill her, to heal the holes in her heart. But it had often been pleasant, even if it was only for a few brief hours. She'd been able to free herself of the past, of her memories, of the drudgery of her life. It wouldn't be any different, now.

The treacherous thoughts within Mara had propelled her forward, closer to Lando, and she rested her hand gently on his, still on her leg. He'd stopped speaking by that point, the last compliment caught in his throat.

Mara looked into his eyes, and noticed just how dark they were. So unlike -

She banished the thought from her mind. That was the whole purpose of the exercise.

"Mara... " he said softly, warily, perhaps, as he caught her intention. She leaned in closer, saying nothing. In the past, it had never been about words. It had been about instinct, about need.

But she caught the look in his eyes, as other his hand came up to rest on her arm. His grip was firm. Halting. The suddenness of her regret flooded her, as she understood fully what she'd been about to do. Mara realised that she could never do that to herself, or to Lando. Despite appearances to the contrary, he was a good man. He had his honour, and his pride. He'd been a good friend to her, although she was loathe to admit it. She couldn't use him in this way, and he wasn't about to let her. Mara felt her insides curl around themselves and she withdrew, embarrassed.

When Lando finally spoke, his voice was soft, and more serious than she'd ever heard it. "Despite what you may think, Mara, not everything is sport to me." He didn't look at her, his face staring stoically at the starline through the window.

Turning away from him, Mara berated herself. She couldn't believe she had let herself slip like that. That person - she was in her past. Gone, or so Mara thought.

"Don't think that I don't want you, Mara." His voice was steady as she coiled away from him. "You'll never know how much I... " Lando sighed softly. "But I can't be a substitute for anyone."

She blocked his voice out, not wanting to hear his words. That made them real. Mara reached a shaking hand forward, to find comfort and inhibition in the whiskey bottle, forgotten on the table. Her slim fingers clutched the crystal neck forcefully, to halt the was only then that she realised the bottle was empty.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY** _

He had returned. Anticipation mingled with a slight anxiety as Mara felt her husband's presence approach. She would have gone to meet him at the spaceport, but Ben was sleeping soundly in his room and she didn't want to disturb him or leave him unattended. And there was a part of her that wasn't quite sure how she would react to seeing Luke again, and was positive that whatever happened, she didn't want a hanger of people watching.

To an outside observer, she would seem the epitome of calm. Sitting quietly on the couch, one leg crossed over the other, her hands resting demurely in her lap. But underneath the surface, Mara's emotions were tumultuous, spinning out of control within her. Anxiety ate at her; her heart beginning to beat erratically as she heard him key in his access code. Finality bore down on her as the door slid open, and Luke stepped through.

Mara stole a few seconds to absorb the vision of him. He was still dressed in flight fatigues, appropriately wrinkled and blemished by a few patches of grime. His lightsaber swung from his waist as it always did, gleaming in contrast to the rest of his attire. His short hair was dishevelled and untidy, unable to be smoothed down by the running through of his fingers. And finally, his face, creased with an adorable Skywalker grin, hiding the tiredness of his visage, his eyes radiating with pleasure at the sight of her.

She crossed the five paces across the room before he could speak, and pressed her lips to his hungrily. Mara claimed him harshly, her arms tightly wound around his neck, pressing him closer to her. The kiss was primeval, perhaps, possessive, certainly, but Mara didn't really care. All she was concerned about was his lips on hers, eagerly returning her overtures, about his hands working their way around her hips and up across her back. It was a frenzied, zealous embrace, but immensely satisfying.

"Wow," Luke murmured as she pulled away smugly. "So you did miss me."

Mara smiled, and leaned in to kiss him again. It was soft this time, loving. "You could say that," she murmured back, basking in his presence as he reached out to her through their bond.

"Maybe I should go away more often, if that's the homecoming I receive," he countered playfully, gently tickling her sides.

Mara knew the comment was teasing, but something inexplicable twisted in her heart. Her sudden good mood vanished, leaving her feeling cold. She disentangled herself from his embrace, both physically, and through the Force.

"Mara?" he asked her, clearly confused at her reaction.

She clamped her mouth shut, and turned away from him, crossing her arms defensively.

"Mara, what's wrong?" he asked again, taking a step towards her.

"Nothing," she replied, a little too quickly. "Just... something happened while you were away, and I need to talk to you about it."

"Alright," he said uncertainly. "Just let me say hello to Ben."

"He's sleeping."

"I'll just check in on him." He moved towards Ben's room.

"No, Luke, I... " Mara began, but found her resolve falter and disappear. "Nothing," she said, falling into her previous position on the couch.

Maybe it was something in her tone, or perhaps it was a change in the Force, but Luke halted, turning back around to face her. "Mara?"

"Luke?" She knew that it would be easier just to tell him - but she couldn't. She couldn't physically form the words.

"What did you have to tell me?" Luke advanced on her, his voice firm.

"It can wait." She avoided his eyes.

"No, Mara". He moved to sit beside her, reaching for her hand. She allowed his fingers to wind between hers, but resisted his probe through the Force. "You attack me the moment I walk through the door, and now you're shutting me out. Please tell me what's wrong."

Mara squeezed his fingers slightly, in reassurance. "It's really not that important," she lied. "I told you that something happened while you were gone. The truth is... someone happened."

Luke furrowed his brow. "Surely Omas hasn't been that much of an issue while I've been away."

"No, it's not him," Mara shook her head. She closed her eyes and mentally prepared herself. "It's... Callista."

When she heard nothing but silence, Mara opened her eyes. Luke looked stunned. She could see him trying to speak and having little success.

"I don't know why, Luke, but she's back on Coruscant," Mara explained. "And I don't think she really has any intention of leaving."

Luke blinked blankly at her, and he swallowed heavily. Suddenly, he dropped her hand and stood up, turning away from her. "Oh."

Shocked, Mara stared at her husband's back. She tried to reach out for him with the Force, but he felt... empty. Devoid. A sudden irritation filled her. She wasn't sure how she had expected him to react, but it certainly hadn't been like this.

"That's all you've got to say?" she snapped.

She heard him sigh, saw his shoulders rise and fall deeply. "How would you like me to respond, Mara?" he asked coolly.

"I don't know," Mara rose to her feet. "Anger, irritation, curiosity... happiness? There's a whole spectrum of emotions to choose from, Luke."

He turned around to face her again, a concerned expression on his face. "You didn't hurt her, did you Mara?"

"You think that I would?" Mara asked, disbelieving.

"I know your relationship with her has always been... well, volatile," Luke admitted.

"But to actually cause her bodily harm?" Mara was indignant.

Luke sighed. "It was just a question, Mara."

"An unreasonable one!" her voice raised several notches. She calmed herself and looked at him questioningly. "Is that what you think of me?"

"Come on, Mara. Don't tell me the thought didn't cross your mind," Luke persisted.

Mara faltered slightly. "That's not the point Luke. You're deflecting the issue."

"Which is?" Luke clasped his hands in front of him.

Mara threw him a venomous look. "The fact that you haven't given any indication of how you feel about Callista being back."

"Mara." Luke passed her and sank into an armchair. "I don't know what to feel. I never expected to see Callista again. I thought that in all likelihood, she was dead. I'm _happy_ that she's not. I'm _curious_ as to why she's returned. I'm _conflicted_ because there are unresolved issues between us. I'm _concerned_ that you are so upset by it." He glared at her defiantly. "Are those enough emotions for you?"

"You're still in love with her," Mara accused him.

"What?" Luke scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Why else would you react this way?"

"You're the one who is overreacting in this situation," he shot back.

"Overreacting to the fact that my husband's ex-lover has returned from the dead? Again?" She spat at him.

"Mara... "

"Or overreacting to the fact that he seems to feel that I should just accept it?" Mara's voice faltered. "Because I can't, Luke. I can't handle her being here, disrupting my life."

Luke stood and clenched his fists. "That's it, isn't it, Mara? It's your life, not mine, or ours." He shook his head, disbelievingly. "I thought we'd come further than that."

"I thought we had, too," she remarked spitefully. "But Callista shows up and we've reverted back twenty years. I'm cut off from you again, and all you can think about is her."

Luke gave her a long, probing look. "I never picked up on this insecurity of yours, Mara."

"That doesn't surprise me," she shot back at him. "It's not like you're here long enough to notice."

"Is that what this is about?" Luke questioned her, his brow furrowed.

"No, Skywalker." She advanced slowly on him, her voice loud and harsh. "This about the fact that after twelve years and all we've been through together I find out that you're still harbouring feelings for that... paramour."

"How can you believe that I don't love you?" he asked, his voice suddenly dangerously soft, tempered with a suppressed fury. "That I don't care for you more than anything, more than my own life?" his voice cracked with emotion. "I know we haven't had that much time with each other, lately... but I didn't think things had changed this much." There was desperation in his tone as he reached out a hand to her, a melancholy that Mara chose not to acknowledge.

"Well, they have," she retorted, ignoring his outstretched hand, turning briskly on her heel and enclosing herself in the bedroom.

As the door slid shut behind her, Mara leaned her head against the cool metal, wondering what in the Force's name had just happened.

 

* * *

 

With a heavy heart, Luke quietly made his way into his son's darkened room. He tried not to think about his argument with Mara. He didn't know what had caused her to react so violently, or him for that matter. They hadn't had an argument that bad since... well, Luke wasn't sure he couldn't remember.

A small glow of the night-light illuminated the bed, and Ben's still form. He appeared to be sleeping soundly, his small chest rising and falling rhythmically, his easy breaths the only sound in the room. Luke smiled, and turned back to the door. Ben, like his mother, tended to be a restless sleeper, and Luke preferred to let him get the rest.

Then, suddenly, Luke felt an almost imperceptible flicker in the Force. He turned back around, and honed in on the sensation. It heightened, revealing a slight panic originating from the child on the bed.

"Ben?" Luke asked softly. The flicker died down slightly, but Luke could feel the underlying effort behind the action. A slight sadness overcame him as Luke moved to sit on the unoccupied portion of the bed.

"Ben?" he asked again, placing his hand gently on Ben's forearm. By this time it was clear that the boy was awake, and had been trying to hide it. A pang of - something - struck Luke's heart. Why didn't his son want to see him? Ben had always been exuberant when Luke had returned from a trip offworld. What had changed?

Finally, Ben rolled over, his eyes fluttering open to reveal smoky grey depths. It was clear from the contrite look on his face that he was aware of being discovered. Luke almost moved his Force sense to envelop his son, but thought better of it. He didn't want to impose his presence if Ben was intent rejecting it.

Luke tried to make light of the situation, a false, easy smile forming on his face. "Not even a hello for me, Ben?" The tone was teasing, but Luke could not hide the distressed undertones.

Ben looked away, his eyes focussing on the opposite wall. "Hi, Dad" he said dully, without any feeling.

"What's wrong, Ben?" Luke's asked, concerned. The boy didn't answer, and continued to stare morosely at the wall.

Started to become worried, Luke reached out in the Force to his son, but was rebuffed by a solid wall. He reeled back, not daring to try and break through the firm barrier's his son had built around himself.

"Ben, please. Aren't you happy to see me?" It was an unfair question, but quite frankly, Luke was becoming quite scared by his son's behaviour. Mara hadn't said anything about it, but on the other hand, they hadn't really had a chance to say that many rational things to each other. But surely if Ben was acting so strangely, that would take precedent over the news of Callista. Wouldn't it?

Still staring at the wall, Ben sighed loudly. "You'll just go away again," he mumbled, and his shields slipped a little. Luke caught a glimpse of loneliness break through, and it made his heart ache. He reached out to draw Ben into an embrace, but the child escaped, leaping away until he was kneeling on the opposite side of the bed. "You always say you're going to be staying this time. But - but you always leave again." Frustration reeled off of him.

"Ben... " Luke ran a hand over his tired face. He was not in the best condition to be dealing with this. "Ben," he tried again. "I know you want me here, believe me, I want to be here too. But I have a responsibility to the Jedi - to the government." The words sounded trite even to his own ears. He could almost imagine what Mara would say. _You have a responsibility to your son, first._

"And Ben... you know I'll always come back," he said as an effort at appeasement.

But the statement only made Ben's lower lip quibble. "But what if you don't?" he said softly, fearfully.

This time Luke didn't hesitate. He stood and leaned over the bed, gathering Ben into his arms, holding him in a vice grip against his chest. "Nothing will ever, ever, keep me from you, Ben," he said firmly.

Ben sniffed quietly in his arms. "You promise?" he asked, his words partly muffed by Luke's tunic.

The words halted him for a second. There was no way he could actually promise him that. Anything could happen, with the Vong, with any new enemy of the government, with the Jedi. The galaxy may never be safe for them. It was dishonest, and unfair, to make such a vow to his already troubled son.

"I promise," he whispered assuredly, quashing the doubts in his mind and drawing his arms tighter around Ben.

They held each other for several minutes, and Luke was relieved to feel Ben opening his Force sense up to him slightly. The wall was still there, but it had become a little more transparent. Luke wondered whether he would ever be allowed to break through completely. He had succeeded with Mara in that respect. Although he couldn't help but think that Ben might turn out to be more stubborn that either of them. Luke wasn't sure whether to be comforted by that fact, or concerned.

"I'm sorry, Dad," Ben finally spoke up, as he disentangled himself from Luke's embrace. Luke furrowed his brow, and was tempted not to let Ben pull away, but worked against the impulse. He couldn't coddle him.

"What are you sorry for, Ben?" Luke asked gently, sitting down on the bed again.

"Bein' so sad," Ben said simply, crawling up the spread to sit beside his father.

Luke looked into the angelic, wide eyes of his son, noticing that they had cleared somewhat. "You shouldn't ever be sorry about how you feel," Luke told him firmly. "About who you are."

"I was okay, but... " Ben's voice halted hesitantly, and he looked down at his hands, clasped securely in his lap.

"But what?" Luke prompted. It would do him no good to keep his feelings inside, unspoken. Luke knew how difficult that was to keep up.

Shifting awkwardly in his position, Ben twisted his fingers around themselves. "I heard you fighting with Mom," he said uncertainly.

A twinge of regret worked its way into Luke's already troubled mind. His conversation with Mara was the last thing Luke had wanted his son to hear. Their angry words to one another must have pained him greatly.

"Your mother and I fight all of the time," Luke tried to reassure him. "You don't have to worry about that."

"But that's different," Ben tried to explain. "That feels kind of... tingly. Almost nice. But it hurts, now."

Luke's gut twisted at the words. He recalled the damning anger that must have been radiating both of them, that must have bled into Ben's Force awareness. Silently, he berated himself for not shielding the emotions properly. There was a time where it would have been second nature to him, to guard his defences like that. But in his years with Mara, and now with Ben, he had slackened in that regard. Had learnt to open himself up, to allow himself to flow into them. Now, that freedom had hurt the one thing he cared about the most.

"I'm sorry, Ben," he said finally. "Your mother and I... we, well... " He sighed heavily. How could he possibly explain to him why Mara had been so angry, make Ben understand what kind of trouble Callista had caused between them? "When two people don't agree on something, they have to talk about it," he began. "They have to reach a common ground, they have to understand what the other person is feeling. Your mother and I didn't mean to be angry with each other, but sometimes that's the easiest way to come to an agreement. Do you understand?"

Ben nodded, but it was tentative, and uncertain.

"It doesn't mean that we love each other any less," Luke finished, hoping that the explanation was sufficient. But Ben looked more troubled that ever, and refused to look up at him. Luke placed a hand on his small shoulder, and Ben mumbled something he couldn't quite hear.

"What, Ben?" he asked, gently.

The boy hung his head even lower, in - shame? "Was my fault," he muttered again.

"The fight?" Luke was surprised. That was the last thing he'd expected to hear. "No, Ben, no - "

"It was!" Ben shouted, turning a tear-filled gaze upwards. "It was about 'Lista... I heard!". A few, salty tears began to run down his cheeks as he sang out the pain within him. "Because ran away and met her... I thought she was nice, but... " his lip quivered. "It just made Mama sad. Because of me."

"No, Ben," Luke said resolutely, pulling Ben back into his lap. "No, it's not your fault, don't ever think that." He stroked the soft strawberry-blond hair that flew out in every direction, holding Ben closely to him. The tears began to seep into his tunic, but Luke only held him tighter. "There are things that happened in the past... that I can't tell you about." That really, Luke admitted, he didn't even want to think about. "But none of it has to do with you, or is because of you." Luke closed his eyes, willing back his own tears. "The only one who has made your mother sad is me," he said softly.

Luke held his son, enveloping him with his arms, and more importantly, with a comforting blanket of the Force. He allowed Ben to register his words, and calm himself down. Relief overwhelmed Luke when he felt a sense of understanding flicker inside of Ben.

"I love you," he murmured softly into his hair, gently fortifying Ben's Force sense.

He felt, rather than heard, a hushed "love you too," from his son, and felt a sense of equanimity return. He continued to hold Ben, gently rocking him in his arms, perhaps a little concerned about his sensitivity. It wasn't the first time he had erupted into tears like that, but it had certainly been the worst. Briefly, Luke wondered whether it was usual for a child his age, or whether Ben's extreme sensitivity to the Force made him more impressionable, more susceptible to distress.

"Did lots of bad things happen when I was little, Dad?" Ben's more composed, but still shaky voice refocused Luke's attention. A part of him wanted to remind Ben flippantly that he was still little, but the memories assaulted him. Luke thought of Anakin, of his life cut so short when Ben was still so young. About the billions of people who died, who were enslaved or tortured. About the lives and planets lost.

"Yes, Ben," he admitted. "A lot of bad things happened."

"I feel the bad things, sometimes," Ben's face contorted, almost as if he was in pain. "It feels all prickly, and it makes my head hurt." He brought his small hands up to cover his ears. "It's so loud, Dad." One more tear slipped down Ben's cheek and he hiccuped. "It hurts," he wailed again.

Luke felt his heart break as he tightened his hold. "I know it hurts, Ben," he whispered softly, knowing from experience that his words would bring no comfort. "I know."

 


	9. Chapter 9

**_Wild Karrde, Deep Space, 12 ABY_ **

 

"Jade here." Her voice was detached and professional as she answered the comm. Her cool collectiveness scattered slightly when the accompanying holographic image appeared before her.

Mara leaned forward, trying to hold together a semblance of dignity. Karrde gave her an amused look from his station across the bridge. Luckily, it was late into the night and there were few other staff likely to hear the transmission.

"Hello Mara," the woman said, a diplomatic smile on her lips.

Mara didn't return it. "Leia," she greeted her as respectfully as she could manage. She didn't know why exactly she was so surprised at the call, she'd been expecting it for days, actually. Ever since the news had been splattered across the holonet.

For a several moments the two women stared at each other, Leia, holding all the poise and bearing of her office, and Mara glaring stubbornly back at her.

"I suppose this isn't a social call?" Mara finally said, coldly. She liked Leia, admired her even. She just wasn't sure that they would ever be close to being friends.

"No," Leia finally answered, her tone slightly strained. "I assume you've heard the news about Luke?"

"There's scarce else on the holonet," Mara conceded. "I noticed that the danger to the Academy was relegated to an afterthought."

"Yes," Leia pursed her lips. "Obviously Callista made a much more interesting story," she said disdainfully.

"Obviously," Mara held herself in check. The truth was, she was just as indignant as Leia at the treatment of Luke's private life. Oh, she was pleased that Callista had left him, but she objected to having Luke's internal pain packaged and presented for mass galactic consumption.

Mara desperately wanted to ask how Luke was faring, but couldn't bring herself to give Leia the satisfaction.

"Luke has taken it fairly hard," Leia said, relieving Mara of her dilemma.

"I can imagine." She answered noncommittally, knowing where this was probably heading.

Leia visibly composed herself, clasped her hands on her lap and took a deep breathe. "He's locked himself away on Yavin. He's refusing to teach, refusing to see anyone. I was wondering if perhaps...you would consider going to him."

"He's your brother," Mara folded her arms defiantly. "You try and cheer him up."

"Mara, I've tried," Leia's voice cracked, ever so slightly. Mara squinted a little, examining the small image before her. Outwardly, Leia seemed the epitome of calm, but further scrutiny revealed telltale signs of stress, dark circles under her eyes, her hands clasped a bit too tightly in her lap.

Mara pretended not to notice. "Then what makes you think I'll fare any better?"

"Because no one else has been able to get through to him," Leia continued, faltering slightly over the words "At least try," she entreated.

"Sorry, Leia. I've got more important things to do than to go around chasing wayward farmboys." Her tone was indifferent.

"Please, Mara," Leia eyed her desperately. "I know you and my brother don't always agree, but I've never known you not to be there for him."

Mara shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She hated being guilted into things like this. Unfortunately, both of the Solos were extremely good at it. Several tense moments passed before she gave a sigh of resignation.

"Fine, but only for Skywalker's sake." Mara gave her a full look. "Not because you asked me to."

"Thank you, Mara." Leia's face showed genuine gratitude and thankfulness. Mara nodded curtly and cut the connection without another word. She settled back into her seat, contemplating.

Karrde threw her an amused look from across the datapad he'd been pretending to examine.

"Weren't you going to see Skywalker anyway?" he enquired. "I'm positive that's why I cleared you for leave."

"Yes." Mara countered, staring out the viewport. "But she didn't need to know that."

"So you let her sit there and practically beg you?"

Mara bristled at the words. "Look, Talon, this wasn't for my own personal enjoyment. If Organa Solo knew I was going to see Skywalker voluntarily... "

"She would what?" Karrde cut in. "Think you were his friend? Be grateful for your foresight and compassion? She wouldn't have thought any less of you Mara," he added gently. "In fact, I believe it would have had the opposite effect."

"I don't need her approval, Talon," Mara said brusquely. "Or yours."

"That's too bad, Mara." He walked over to the seat next to hers. "Because you've always had mine. And my respect."

Mara managed to give him a small smile. "I know, but-"

"You appreciate it, but you don't need it, is that what you were going to say?" Karrde grinned.

"Sith, you're almost as bad as Skywalker sometimes," Mara grumbled, her countenance falling rapidly again.

"And without a drop of the Force," he boasted inanely.

Mara grunted under her breath, then rose to her feet. "I leave at 1400," she informed Karrde, then made her way towards the door and away from the conversation.

"Give Skywalker my regards," he called after her.

 

* * *

 

_Yavin 4_

Resentment came to Mara swiftly and easily. She resented Callista for leaving her this mess to deal with. She resented Organa Solo and the Jedi here at the Academy for lacking the spine that was needed to confront a certain Jedi Master. She resented the humidity of the jungle, seeping into her clothes and skin, she resented the animals that screeched and called to one another making it impossible for her to think clearly. But most of all, she resented Luke Skywalker for coming into her life and complicating things so much for her. And the fact he didn't even have the decency to sulk indoors, where such depression belonged.

Instead, he had forced her to trudge through kilometres of jungle, chasing after the whisper of his Force sense, while the mud sullied her boots and her mood grew foul.

She eventually found him, leaning against the strong, ample trunk of a Massassi tree, its overgrown roots winding between his legs. His eyes were closed and his face was pained, highlighting the darkness underneath his eyes. A wave of sympathy passed over her, but she quickly repressed it. The last thing Skywalker needed at the moment was another person feeling sorry for him.

"Is this a public pity party?" she asked as she approached. "Or invitation only?"

Luke laughed bitterly. "Come to gloat, Jade?" He didn't open his eyes or move in any other way to acknowledge her presence.

"No," she moved closer still, until she stood right next to his seated form. "Gloating would imply that you've done something wrong, and I don't think that is the case."

"Always semantics with you," Luke opened his eyes to slits, but that was enough for her to see the pain within them. "What makes you so sure I haven't done something wrong? I mean I must have - she's gone."

In a rare display of indulgence and solidarity, Mara joined him on the ground, placing herself in a space between the tree's giant roots. She wasn't quite facing him - her shoulder close, but not quite touching his own.

"I don't suppose you've come to tell me how sorry you are," he said voice tired, strained.

"I wouldn't insult you like that, Skywalker," she answered calmly. Mara's dislike for his lost love had been obvious, even to Luke. To offer her condolences in such a contrived manner would be the highest hypocrisy. Besides, Mara knew expressions of sympathy were the last thing he wanted, or needed, to hear.

Luke didn't answer her, but she felt a slight recession of his pain, his sorrows held at bay by her presence. They sat in a silent companionship for several moments, and Luke closed his eyes again. Mara found herself opening up to the sounds of the jungle, of the nature that surrounded them. It had its own presence in the Force, she realised. It was in the air, the trees, the small ground-dwelling animals and the birds that flew above them. The Force swirled around them, bound together in their shared company. It was peaceful. Mara understood why Luke had sought his solitude out here.

"Did it bother you?" Mara asked, finally, quietly into the air.

Luke turned his head slightly towards her. "Did what bother me?"

Flushing slightly, Mara turned away. She wasn't sure why she'd said anything at all. "Callista... she... " Mara twisted back around to face him. "She would always call you _The Master_. Especially around the other Jedi."

"Did that bother you?" Luke was inquisitive.

"Only on your behalf," Mara defended herself. "I never thought you were comfortable with titles like that."

Luke turned his gaze back to the tress ahead of him. "I'm not," he whispered. "But Callista was a Jedi of the Old Order. They... held different beliefs."

"Did you ever wonder whether she was attracted to your status as a Jedi Master, rather than... "

"Rather than what?" Luke snapped, suddenly angry. "Is it so inconceivable for a woman to care for me, to love me..."

"That's not what I said," Mara retorted, his own outburst swiftly raising her defences.

"It's what you implied," came his sharp reply. "That Callista only loved me for by title, my abilities in the Force." He stood abruptly and moved a safe distance away from her.

"Well, it's not such a great stretch of logic," Mara rejoined, scrambling to her own feet.

Luke turned and glared at her angrily. "How dare you," his voice was low and dangerous. "You didn't know her at all. You couldn't possibly understand what happened between us."

"Look, Skywalker, I didn't come here looking for abuse from you," Mara put her hand on her hips defiantly.

"Although you're more than willing to deal it out," he shot back.

Mara huffed irritably. "All I'm saying is that maybe you misread her intentions. Love blinds you."

"And how would you know?" Luke took and ominous step towards her. "Have you ever been in love? Do you even know what it is?"

She expected a brutal anger to come at his words - an undeniable hurt to burn within her. But Mara simply felt cold as a numbing chill clutched her heart; an immediate and automatic deadening of her emotions. Before he could react to his own harsh words, Mara had turned on her heel and walked briskly away.

She heard his voice call after her, but she ignored it. Ignored the rain that began to fall, completing the task that the humidity had begun. Mara didn't care, walking deeper into the jungle, heedless of the danger of her actions.

Eventually she came to a stop, as the light rainfall became a howling wind and a bitter downpour. Her hair hung limply around her as she sat down harshly on a nearby rock. Mara took stock of her situation, it finally occurring to her that she was even further away from the Temple where her shuttle was docked. In her haste, she hadn't properly thought out her escape. She was sure that she could find her way back, it would simply take more time that she would have liked.

It was then that she felt Luke's presence reach out for hers anxiously. She withdrew hurriedly, but it was enough for him to discern her exact location, and he appeared within minutes, looking harried. The rain had plastered his fair hair to his face, his thick, dark clothes clinging to his skin tightly.

Luke approached her cautiously. "I'm sorry for what I said, Mara," he prodded gently. "It was completely insensitive of me. I never meant to hurt you." He took a tentative seat on a nearby rock, crossing his legs underneath him.

"It takes a lot more than words to hurt me, Skywalker," Mara answered tersely.

He shot her a mixed look. "Then why did you run?" His voice was soft.

Mara looked away. "I did not run, Skywalker," she informed him. "I _walked_ away because I came here to comfort you and you threw it back in my face."

For a moment he looked contrite and sorrowful, but it was soon placed with a wry exasperation. "Well, just for future reference, Jade, telling someone to get over a person by implying they were never really loved in the first place is a horrible form of comfort."

Mara saw the clarity of her actions, how much her words must have cut him. She could have traded an equally impressive barb with him, but chose to show some restraint. "Duly noted," she said.

Luke nodded, pleased, and a contemplative look crossed his face. "The thought did cross my mind," he said, after a long silence. "That Callista loved the Jedi Master, and not me."

"I didn't really mean that-"

"No Mara," Luke cut her off. "Don't apologise. You've never spared my feelings for the truth, and for that I've always trusted you. Don't start now."

Mara was startled by his words. Without realising it, she'd become like the rest of his friends and companions. Distorting and twisting the truth in order to comfort him, to benefit his self-worth. It was a travesty to her own character, and she's slipped into it so easily.

"Skywalker... " she began, before she realised that she wasn't sure what she wanted to say to him. "I -"

"Shhhh" came his hushed reply. His eyes were closed again, and he breathed deeply, seemingly oblivious to the rain that was falling hard around them, scarce prevented by the dense tree canopy above. "Please, Mara. Just sit with me."

She wasn't sure what he meant by the invitation. He didn't seem to be meditating, or to be in the first stages of a trance. She reached out to him, slightly, through the Force, and he grasped the tendril tightly, holding onto her, inviting her. Did he want her comfort, her to join him in a shared awareness of the Force? Or perhaps her mere presence was enough. Mara wasn't sure, but she closed her eyes, ignoring the rain that fell around her.

"Alright," she answered, her voice barely a whisper.

Night had fallen by the time they returned to the Massassi Temple, the moonlight silhouetting his features. He turned to her, smiling. "Thank you, Mara. I'm glad you came."

She nodded and turned to walk toward the hanger where her ship was berthed. Sitting out in the rain had seemed right at the time, but now Mara was cold, wet and a little dizzy. She was anxious to get on her ship and into hyperspace so she could have a hot sanisteam.

"Mara?" he called after her.

"Yes, Skywalker?" She turned and put one hand on her hip.

"My sister sent you didn't she?"

She couldn't quite discern his tone. Perhaps he wanted an expression of friendship, of loyalty. To hear that she'd come to him without the prodding and pleading of his sister. To know that she valued his happiness, his wellbeing. Mara wasn't sure she could give him that. So she lied.

"Yes," she answered dismissively.

He was visibly disappointed, but covered it with a warm smile. "Well thanks all the same."

Mara drew her jacket tighter around herself, although it was still soaked through and did not provide much protection against the cold. An involuntarily shiver ran through her and she blinked a few times to refocus her vision as she turned back to her ship.

But Luke had caught up with her, his firm hand grasping her shoulder and turning her back to face him again. "Mara, are you alright?" he asked, concern plain on his face.

"Fine." She tried to shrug off his hold, but he did not let her go.

"No you're not," he said, his eyes boring into hers and she blinked again. "You're flushed," he observed, resting the backs of his fingers on her cheek. "And you're shivering."

"It's cold," she defended herself, trying to keep the dizziness at bay.

"No it's not," Luke said. "You should stay here tonight, Mara. I'll get quarters prepared for you."

Mara shook her head, pulling weakly from his hold and stepping back. "No, I'm fine," she insisted – she didn't want to spend a second longer on Yavin 4. She had done her duty and pulled Skywalker up out of his funk, now she wanted to be gone, alone and at peace.

Luke rolled his eyes. "Mara," he said with obvious exasperation. "Don't be so stubborn."

"Stubborn, Skywalker?" Mara shot back at him. "Why don't you just…" But the words slipped away from her, and Mara put one hand to her temple, wondering why the ground was spinning. The last thing she felt was Luke's arms around her as everything went black.


	10. Chapter 10

 

_**Skywalker apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY** _

 

Luke entered their shared bedroom with apprehension, but it was soon replaced with concern when he realised Mara was not there. Indescribable fear struck him for a moment as he saw Mara's travel bag lying on the bed, obviously packed and ready to go. But rationality managed to work its way into Luke's mind just as swiftly. If the bag was still there, then so was Mara. A quick sweep of the Force located her barricaded presence on the balcony adjourning the main room of their apartment. Which, to Luke's relief, meant she wasn't going to be storming off into the night. Just yet, anyway.

His first instinct was to join her, but the harsh rebuttal of her Force presence when he had reached out to her convinced him otherwise. Perhaps it was best to give her a few more minutes of peace, hopefully to calm down. He needed a shower desperately, anyway.

It was close to an hour later when Luke finally made his way through the trasparisteel doors that led to their outdoor terrace. It was large, enough for outdoor entertaining and separate from their own, private balcony that adjourned their bedroom. Mara was seated in one of the durasteel chairs, one leg crossed over the other and her stony face looking out towards the horizon. The moonlight played across her pale features, and he could see the small bumps that pimpled the skin of her bare arms, firmly folded over her chest. She hadn't bothered to put on a jacket, despite the low temperature of the Coruscant night.

"Mara," he began softly, stepping cautiously towards her. "You're cold."

She didn't turn to face him, her gaze fixed to cascade of lights that littered the skyline. She tilted her chin and answered him in a chilled tone. "Physically or emotionally?"

Luke took a final step towards her, and placed a warm hand on her icy shoulder. "Mara... " he said again, an entreaty this time.

"Don't, Luke." She shied away from his touch, and he understood the message clearly. He would like nothing more than to take her into his arms and forget that they had ever argued, and if he pressed her, she would allow it. But they needed to talk.

Luke reluctantly withdrew his hand. "At least come inside." But Mara simply stared out at the city and said nothing. Her intentions were clear, though. She wasn't going to allow him to choose the battlefield or set the rules. The thought made him pause, as he slowly made his way to the other side of the terrace, to the furthest chair possible. When did he start think of them as opponents again? He settled back uncomfortably into the cold, durasteel chair, and waited for her first move.

It didn't come. Luke tried to reach out to her through the Force, but he met a solid, impenetrable wall. The block in their connection caused a slight ache within him. It had been years since she had rejected him in this manner. In fact, the last time she had closed in around herself like this was when she had been ill with the Vong disease. Luke had forgotten how bereft it made him feel.

"Mara." He tried again, but received no sign of acknowledgement from his wife. Irritability began to seep through him. "Why are you acting like this?" Luke honestly didn't understand why she had become so upset. Obviously Callista's return would unsettle her, but he would never have imagined to this extent. But he couldn't think of a way to remedy the situation, especially if she was shutting him out so effectively.

"I know you love me, Luke." Mara's soft, well-defined voice finally cut through the air.

"What?"

"I know you love me," she said again, her unwavering gaze fixed to the horizon. "Before... you asked how I could believe that you didn't."

"Oh." Luke couldn't deny that he'd had his moments of doubt. He'd been so angry at the way she'd reacted, almost as if he didn't trust what they shared together, didn't believe enough in his utter devotion her.

He was expecting her to continue, but she remained silent. Luke cleared his throat, but knew he had to broach the subject.

"I saw you packed a bag." He tried to say it gently, but it came out like an accusation. "Were you planning on going somewhere?"

Mara bowed and tilted her head slightly, hiding her expression in the curtain of her hair. "I thought about it," she admitted.

"But ultimately decided against it?" Luke pressed his advantage, hoping to get her to open up.

"I love your sister, Luke, but she asks far too many questions."

"I see." Luke pondered for a moment. "You could have slept on the _Shadow_."

Mara finally removed her gaze from the skyline, throwing him a wary look. "I suppose," she replied uncertainly.

"I'm just curious as to why you stayed, seeing as running away has always served you so well." The words had more bite than he'd intended, and he regretted them immediately.

She appeared wounded, and swallowed heavily. "I'm not like that anymore."

"I know." Luke ran a tired hand over his eyes, regretful. "I didn't mean-"

"Yes you did," Mara cut him off. "Or you wouldn't have said it."

"Mara... "

"You're right."

Luke stared at her incredulously. Mara certainly wasn't afraid to admit her failures when she was in the wrong, but that very rarely happened. She much preferred to improve her character flaws independently than to talk about them.

"I thought I had changed, Luke," she began, her gaze returning to the city. "Becoming your wife, being a mother to Ben, all taking me away from that woman I used to be. The one that secretly hated herself but wouldn't admit it." Mara's tone was decisive and calm, but Luke could sense the overwhelming emotions that she kept at bay, just beneath the surface. "But when I saw her, when I saw your reaction... all of it came rushing back. All of the insecurities about myself, all of the selfish pride, the need to be in control... the instinct to keep you at a distance."

Luke leaned forward in his chair, moved by her words.

"I never knew where I stood when you were with her, Luke," she continued, not daring to turn to face him. "But I felt like she was encroaching on my territory... Force, that sounds so ridiculous," Mara shook her head, her loose curls swinging in front of her face. She sighed and appeared to regather her thoughts.

"The truth is... " Mara looked skyward, a small, self-deprecating smile forming on her face. "I was jealous."

"What?" Luke was shocked - he'd never expected an admission like that from Mara. Had he been so blind during that time, to have not seen, or felt, her emotions?

"I didn't love you - not then," Mara was quick to reassure him. "I don't really know what I felt... except that I couldn't stand seeing her with you. It hurt me to know that you loved her, and... it still does."

That was the crux of it, Luke realised. Why she'd reacted so violently to his silence, hearing about Callista. It had brought old, untreated insecurities to the surface.

Mara drew up her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them protectively. "I just don't understand." He heard her unspoken words. _Because I've only ever loved you._

She would never express that aloud, Luke knew. But she couldn't hide the pain she felt, thinking about his past romantic entanglements. He wondered if his feelings would be the same if she had been deeply in love with any other man besides him. He couldn't deny that his possessive instincts would be just as fervent as hers. In fact, he remembered how annoyed he had been when he'd thought she was involved with Lando, not realizing at the time it was because Luke was in love with her himself. He also remembered his relief when she'd revealed the relationship had been a cover, even though he had no claim on her or any reason to judge her choice of partner. And that had been with one of Luke's closest friends, he couldn't imagine what it would be like knowing that Mara had truly loved another, let alone someone he disliked.

Luke was just thankful he would never have to be in such a situation.

But Mara was, and he finally understood that. And that base, primitive part of her needed reassurance from him. Finally gathering the courage, Luke stood and moved across the terrace. Before, it had seemed like a great expanse, but now he understood it was a very small distance to breach, if he had the courage to do so. He knelt beside her, and reached out to gather one of her hands in both of his.

"There will always be a part of me that loves her, Mara," he admitted, squeezing her hand gently as she flinched at his words. "I could never just... forget what I felt for her, how happy I was in our time together." He gently reached his fingers up to cup her chin, drawing her face round to him. Her expression was stony and cold, and there was no evidence of tears, but Luke could see the pain in her deep eyes.

"But what I felt for her... it can't compare," he smiled gently at her. "What I feel for you..." He trailed off, knowing he could never adequately express what he wanted to say. So he closed his eyes, and reached out for her with the Force. She opened up for him, ever so slightly, and he surged into her, burrowing through the recesses of her mind and heart and filling all of the cold, lonely spaces with himself. He searched for the hidden places of her, the havens of her insecurities, of her anger and hurt. It felt cool in his hands, and he wrapped himself around them, filling the holes, rebuilding the fragile conduits and passages of her doubts and fears. The free reign she gave him was exhilarating, and he explored every part of her, more deeply than ever before.

When he finally withdrew, they were both out of breath, and his arms were around her tightly. She was leaning over him, her face was pressed into his shoulder, her hand clutching the fabric of his tunic.

"I'm sorry," came her muffled cry as she held him tighter. "I love you."

Luke stroked her hair and soothed her, closing his eyes again as her vibrant presence washed over him. There was complete calm on the terrace for several minutes, as Mara composed herself and Luke tightened his arms around her body. He was pleased to find that her skin was warm again, and had returned to a healthy colour.

"Callista... she was a dream," Luke finally spoke into the darkness, clarity dawning upon him. "I just wanted someone to love so badly, I think that I just didn't care who it was." Luke felt Mara's head lift from his shoulder to look down at him, and he raised one hand to caress her cheek. "I don't think that I will ever regret our time together... she taught me how to love someone deeply, and I'm thankful for that."

Mara's hand moved to stroke his neck, and Luke relaxed into her touch. "And I'm sorry I didn't realise you felt this way about us, Mara. I should have seen it."

"No, Luke," Mara said firmly, her thumb running lightly up and down the side of his neck. "Don't try to take the blame away from me," she chastised him. "I didn't even know I felt like this... but it's my problem, I have to deal with it." She sat up slightly and placed her finger to his lips, stopping the words she knew were coming. "And of course, I'll let you help." She smiled and replaced her finger with her lips, kissing him tenderly.

"You know I'm always here for you, Mara." Luke said as she pulled away.

"I know." Mara smile faltered, and she extracted himself from his embrace, standing and moving to the edge of the terrace. She put both hands on the railing and looked out into the night. Luke stood as well, but held back, knowing that she had more to say and was not ready to be distracted yet.

"I just couldn't stop myself from thinking about the two of you..." Mara sighed and looked up at the sky. "About what might of happened if she'd never left." She tried again, and then grimaced. "Of how easily she could have been your wife... how we might have never... " She stopped, unable to even say the words aloud.

"Mara... " Luke began, but stopped himself to give the thought due consideration. It was only fair, to both of them, to consider his feelings on the matter, as opposed to dismissing them outright. Her fears were not unfounded. Luke could have very easily married Callista, could not have learnt to appreciate Mara in the way he had, or come to love her. But the more Luke thought about it, the more he knew what the truth was.

He moved to stand next to her by the railing, first placing his hands over hers and waiting until she shifted her fingers, allowing them to intertwine with his. Then he brought their joined hands to his chest, forcing her to turn and face him. Luke pressed her right hand against his heart and held it there with his left, while his right hand cupped the side of her face.

"No matter what could have happened in the past, with Callista, or with anyone else... " He tilted her head and looked deeply into her eyes. "It might have taken me astray, it might have placed obstacles in my path, but I believe that the Force would have always lead me to you."

He pressed his lips to hers and smothered her smile. It was a kiss of understanding, of promise, and she responded eagerly, both physically, and through their bond in the Force. It had seemed like an age since they had kissed and communicated in this way, and Luke was resolved to not let that much time pass again. He pulled her closer, arms tightening around her waist as he basked in the bliss she bestowed upon him. Mara's fingers wound around his neck, curling through his hair as she drew him closer, opening herself up to him again through the Force, taking everything he was pouring into her and responding in kind. It was in these moments that Luke truly felt alive, as if he was not whole until he was united with her in body and spirit.

It could have been hours, but was likely only a few minutes when she pulled away, as contended as he had ever seen her. A little breathless she asked him; "No more secrets, Luke?"

He shook his head, reaching to brush a wayward curl from in front of her eyes. "You either?"

She sighed happily, but then gave him a playful smile. "Well... I wasn't exactly telling you the whole truth, earlier," she admitted.

With her mind so receptive and open, he could easily sense her thoughts. "The real reason you didn't run off to Leia and Han's?"

"I know that they would have knocked some sense into me." Mara eyed him fondly. "And I'd much rather have you do that."

"As long as you're up for knocking me right back," his hand curved seductively down her bare arm.

Mara grinned at him in return. "Count on it, Farmboy." She leaned forward to kiss him again, but Luke was too quick for her, bending down and tipping her backwards, up and into his arms. Laughing, Mara allowed him to pick her up, holding him around the neck as he cradled her against his chest, one arm supporting her back and the other under her legs.

“Are you sure your knees are up to this, Master Skywalker?” she teased him as he carried her inside.

“This and much more,” he promised her, bouncing her slightly in his arms and flexing his knees to prove his point. “The day I can’t carry you to bed is the day I’ll willingly rejoin the Force.”

“I like your confidence,” she smiled. “But I should check on Ben.”

But Luke steered towards their bedroom door, the opposite side of the apartment to their son’s room. “He’s sleeping,” he assured her. “I checked on him before."

Because Luke’s arms were full of his wife, Mara obligingly reached out to palm the door sensor to their bedroom. The door slid open and closed automatically behind them as Luke stepped over the threshold. But rather than carrying Mara to the bed and depositing her on it, Luke kept a hold of her in his arms for a few moments. Mara smiled and stroked his cheek with the back of her hand, then leant in to kiss him gently.

“Make sure you put your shields back up,” he reminded her softly, so that they would not disturb Ben. He felt her barriers return, although they enveloped him so they did not lose the connection they had forged earlier. He replicated the walls, so that they were ensconced together within a mutual Force barricade and none of their shared emotions or feelings could seep out.

Luke set Mara down on the floor, but gently pushed her back against the closed door of their bedroom. Her arms remained around his neck and she looked up at him with a teasing grin. “Too much for you already?”

“My love, you are never too much for me,” he told her, pressing his lips to hers again. This time, her mouth parted under his and he deepened the kiss, his hands skimming down her bare arms and making her shiver against him. His body pressed intimately against hers, her back flush against the door. Mara wound her hands through his hair, tugging on the ends slightly as she pulled him even closer.

Love and desire passed easily between them through their bond and quickly threatened to overload Luke’s senses. He pulled his mouth from hers harshly, grasping the hem of her sleeveless tank and pulling it up. Mara raised her arms and allowed him to remove it, then he mirrored the action when she tugged on his tunic. Her bra went next, hastily discarded as her breasts were revealed to him. So many nights while he had been away he had thought of her, pictured her, but it was nothing compared to the real thing; creamy white orbs that fit perfectly into his hands, and dusky pink nipples firm and erect.

Luke kissed her again, desperately this time, drinking in the feel and taste of her after so long, pressing his arousal against her as Mara moaned into his mouth. He palmed her breast, rubbing his thumb over the peak in the way he knew she liked, and was rewarded by a flash of pleasure through their bond.  

He knew he should take his time to explore her, reacquaint himself with her, but his desire was quickly building, and he could feel Mara’s anticipation, as well. She didn’t want to wait. Luke unbuttoned her trousers, slipping his fingers inside her underwear and touching her where she wanted him most. Mara keened into him, whimpering as he stroked her, and Luke began to press wet kisses down her throat.

Mara gasped as Luke sucked on her neck, her nails digging into his back. “I missed you so much, Luke,” she said breathlessly as he slipped two fingers inside of her. “I love you.” She pulled him back up for another kiss, and Luke melted into it willingly. “I love you,” she said again against his lips. “I love you.”

“Mara,” he murmured into her mouth as he caressed her with questing fingers. “Mara, my love, it has been too long.”

“Luke…” It was a breathless plea, and so he withdrew from her, leaning down to remove Mara’s boots. She made quick work of her trousers and underwear, casting them aside, before drawing Luke back to her, kissing him fiercely. Her hands quickly travelled down to his trousers, unbuttoning him and taking his aching harness into her soft hand. He moaned with relief and excitement as she stroked him a few times. But Luke was more than ready.

He spread her legs, grasped her bottom and lifted her against the door. Mara wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, leaning back against the durasteel and allowing Luke to completely support her weight. This time, there was no crack about him being up to it, he could feel her complete trust in him, only eclipsed by her desire.

Luke was happy to oblige, pressing her back against the door and entering her fluidly. She cried out with pleasure, and Luke moaned as he sheathed himself fully inside of her. Her heels pressed into his back, urging him on and he called on the Force to steady her against the door.

“Luke,” she cried out again softly as he started to move, thrusting up and into her. Her head fell back against the door, exposing her neck to him, and Luke eagerly leaned forward to kiss the hollow of her throat. “Oh…”

He could feel the rumble of her voice against his lips, and surged into her harder, rewarded with a further moan. Mara clutched at his hair again, pulling him closer so that his chest was pressed to hers, her heaving breasts pushed up against him. Luke could feel that she was close and dug his fingers into the flesh of her buttocks, pulling himself deeper inside of her, his own peak not far away. He pressed his other hand to the door to ground himself, the steadier position allowing him to move deeper inside of her, her tight heat all around him causing a familiar and welcome tinging within.

“You feel so good, Mara,” he grunted against her skin, kissing his way back up her throat and claiming her lips again. “You’re the only one who can make me feel like this,” he muttered against her mouth in tandem with his thrusts. “Just you, Mara. Only you.”

“Oh, Luke,” she kissed him deeply. “Oh…” Mara pressed her lips to his neck and Luke felt her inner walls tighten around him. She bit down on the skin of his shoulder as she shook with the force of her climax, sending Luke over the edge as well. Fire raged through him, the tight coil in his lower belly unwinding and exploding with such a force he could barely keep hold of Mara. But she trusted him for good reason, for he would never let her fall, her body remaining suspended between him and the door.

When he came back to himself his head was buried in her neck, and she was stroking his hair softly. He raised his head and kissed her languidly. Mara smiled against his lips and sighed with contentment. Then she shifted her legs, still wrapped around his waist, but he wasn’t ready to let go of her yet. Still kissing her, he lifted her back fully into his arms and carried her to the bed.

Mara stretched out and sighed contentedly as Luke removed his trousers and boots. Then she pulled Luke back into her arms as he lay down beside her, drawing the covers over them both.

“I missed you too, Mara,” he whispered softly, brushing the hair back from her face. “In fact, far too much to stop now,” he added and placed a playful kiss on her nose.

Surprise and delight flooded through their bond. “You’re not…tired?” she asked with a quirked eyebrow.

“Yes,” Luke admitted. “But I had a long time away to think about everything I wanted to do to you when I got back,” he added, caressing her face gently. “So why not get started?”

“Why not indeed?” she replied sultrily, cupping his face in her hands and pulling him down for a long kiss. He spent time exploring her, starting with kisses that were long and deep and undemanding. He relished the feel of her mouth, the familiar warm taste of her enlivened by the spicy food she liked to eat, and tempered by her own unique tang which was earthy and bitter like dark chocolate.

Luke caressed her skin with his lips and tongue, sucking on her earlobe as he ran one hand through her hair. He loved her red, vibrant curls, her beauty undiminished by the few stands of grey. In fact, Luke believed it made her more beautiful; like lines of triumph and experience wound through a sea of youthful splendor. Her hair was soft and he loved to run his hands through it, separating the curls and winding them around his fingers. Mara often wore her hair tied up or in a tight braid, which was of course practical, but she would let it loose for him, a gesture so intimate and uniquely her own that he loved her all the more for it. She unbound her hair for him as she had unbound her heart, like it was a secret they both shared.

Kissing her neck, Luke sucked on her pulse point, feeling it quicken under his tongue. Mara ran her hands through his own hair, tugging slightly on the roots because she knew he liked it, a sensation of pleasure-pain which often spiked his desire. He thought that she probably liked the tactile sensation, as well, the intimacy of touching a lover the way no one else would.

Luke lingered on her breasts, drawing small circles over the mounds, not as high and firm as they had once been, but still perfect in Luke’s eyes. They were the breasts that had nursed his son through infancy, had given him the gift of life and health. They were the breasts that he had become intimately acquainted with over the years; that were his to touch and kiss and play with in the knowledge that she had never allowed another such extreme liberties. She’d had previous lovers, of course, but Luke was the only one whom she had loved, the only one she had been truly intimate with, and he cherished that thought while being truly humbled by it. And of course, they were the breasts that could give her such pleasure when touched and caressed, when kissed and licked and sucked on, as he did now. Mara’s heavy breathing and high-pitched gasps and small whimpers told him how much she liked it.

He paused only briefly at her stomach, dipping his tongue into her bellybutton and making her laugh. Luke kissed her stretch marks, white against her already pale skin, a reminder of the wonderful gift she had given him in their son. They were her only visible scars, for in her life as the Hand she had been too careful, too skilled to allow any weapon close enough to pierce her flesh. But her body had been marked by her choice to carry Ben, and the thought was so beautiful that Luke looked up to meet her eyes. They were bright even in the dim light, and no words needed to be spoken as he felt a rush of love through their bond. He kissed the small marks again, before dipping lower.

His hands traced a path through the soft curls at the apex of her thighs first, followed by his lips. Luke explored her folds with his fingers, lips and tongue with practiced ease, knowing exactly how she liked to be touched and explored. Her breath became hitched as he could feel her desire build, but she did not speak. Often, they would banter during sex, enjoying being playful or saucy with each other. He liked for her to call out his name, and vice versa. Sometimes, they would let their deepest emotions and secrets slip out, when inhibitions were low and their mental connection at its peak. But every now and then, there would be silence, their passions and desires communicated through their bond in the Force, and it was in those moments that they truly seemed as one.

Luke explored her slowly, drawing out her pleasure as he rubbed her nub with his thumb and slipped his tongue inside of her, tasting her. Then he ran his tongue through her folds and sucked gently as he pushed his fingers inside of her, rubbing her inner walls. Mara’s breathing became labored as she writhed under him, and Luke smiled against her, pulling away before she reached her peak.  He would allow her to calm down, and then repeat his actions, working her into a fever pitch and then a holding pattern until he was ready.

Eventually he became hard again, and chose to ignore the fact that it took longer for him to recover these days. He knew Mara didn’t care, since he would make it worth the wait. She brought him to her and opened her legs to accommodate him, sighing blissfully as he entered her. This time, Luke moved slowly inside of her, his eyes locked on hers as they reached out to each other through the Force.

Their earlier connection had been stronger than ever before, but now, with him physically inside of her, it deepened further as she reached out to him, pulling him into her mind as she shared herself back with him. Luke kissed her deeply as he moved inside of her, each stroke bringing them closer to each other as their minds and bodies merged and he saw himself reflected back in her eyes, knowing that Mara could see herself in his. She clutched at his back, her strong fingers pressing into his skin insistently as her warm tongue filled his mouth as he kissed her.

Mara drew her knees upwards towards her chest, and Luke hooked his arms under them, allowing himself to go deeper as his pubic bone rubbed against her apex. His own breathing was harsh now, in tandem with hers as every stroke brought him closer to completion. Suddenly, he felt Mara tense around him and she cried out in ecstasy, forcing his own simultaneous climax with thundering force.

Luke collapsed against her, his blood rushing and head pounding at the force of it, nestling his face in the sweet scent of her hair and hearing the gratifying sound of her soft labored breath in his ear. They were as one, in body and in the Force, the power of it terrifying and electrifying in its brilliance.  

Mara’s hands caressed his back, and they lay there together, neither wanting nor capable of movement.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Luke Skywalker's quarters, Yavin IV. 12 ABY.**

 

Luke cast an apprehensive look over the sleeping trader who tossed fitfully in his bed. She moaned, and Luke moved closer towards her, touching her bare arm gently. Mara wavered on the verge of consciousness for a few moments, and Luke waited for those eyes to flutter open and meet his. He wasn't sure how she would react, but it would relieve his heavy heart immensely if she showed any signs of waking. Her eyelids flittered and Mara let out another soft moan, but did not wake. She settled back into a deep, if not comforting sleep.

Luke sighed, and pressed his hand to her forehead. Her skin was clammy, and far too warm. Luke inspected her closely, looking for any sign of change. Mara's face was pallid and white - even the freckles that speckled her cheeks were not visible. Sweat glistened around her hairline and forehead, but Luke didn't dare lower the temperature of the room, nor remove the blankets that covered her. Not since she'd begun to shiver uncontrollably a few hours before. She'd been asleep for many hours, and the rest had not seemed to have improved her condition much.

Naturally, Luke blamed himself. He'd been the one who'd asked her to stay with him - sit with him, heedless of the heavy rain that poured down upon them. It had seemed so right and he had been so comfortable in her presence that he'd lost track of the time. In their shared meditation, hours passed by him in seconds and night had long fallen by the time they'd emerged.

And then she had collapsed in his arms outside her ship. It had been too late to wake Cilghil who had only just returned from Mon Calamari and retreated into a long resting trance. Since there was no one else close to a healer or medic on the moon, Luke had brought Mara back to his quarters, where he could keep an eye on her.

He'd been frantic as he'd lain her in his bed, concerned that her condition was something serious. His worry outstripped his embarrassment at removing her drenched clothes, though he had enough sense to respect her modesty by leaving her thin, sleeveless undershirt and shorts on. They were not as damp as the rest of her clothes, and Luke didn't want to risk her wrath if she awoke to find herself undressed fully. He didn't particularly think she'd react very favourably as it was. But Luke found that he would welcome any lashing from her, so long as she was lucid and healthy enough to do so.

A hurried inspection of her body revealed a small circle of bites around her left ankle, an indicator of Massassi bugs. How they'd gotten into her boots, he didn't know, but he was sure her trek through the jungle had been the cause. Usually, the bugs were harmless, but had been known to cause a fever in certain cases. It was most likely that Mara had suffered an allergic reaction to the bites. The stint in the rain had certainly not helped, and had more than likely aggravated the condition. It seemed that Mara's immune system was not as stubborn as her nature.

He'd spent the night awake, beside her, holding her hand and soothing her through fever-induced nightmares. He'd never suffered from the sickness himself, but a few of his students had, and told him of the horrible dreams they'd experienced under the effects. They'd spoken of the worst moments in their lives, replayed for them, twisted and horribly real. Luke shuddered to think what demons may be haunting Mara's fever-sleep. He knew that a Force trance was not going to help her any, in fact, it might prolong and sharpen the hallucinations.

It pained him greatly to hear her cry out, to toss fitfully, to fight him when he went to hold her, to comfort her. Eventually she'd quietened down, only letting out an occasional whimper or unintelligible murmur, and he'd finally taken her in his arms. It had felt so strange, to hold Mara in such a way - he'd certainly never allowed himself to be so close to her, but he felt circumstances warranted the act of comfort.

He'd lain next to her in the wide bed - on top of the covers, to be safe, his arms closed tight around her, sending restful thoughts to her through the Force.

Luke had called for Cilghil in the morning, who's confirmed his diagnosis of Massassi fever. It should clear up in a few days, she’d said, depending on Mara's strength and the amount of rest she received. Under no circumstances, was Mara to get out of bed, Cilghil had warned, or the symptoms would worsen. Luke readily agreed, but was concerned how he was actually going to implement the order once Mara awoke.

Cilghil had then inquired after his own health, and Luke had felt her hard scrutiny. He hadn't looked in the mirror for a while, but due to his lack of sleep and worry over Mara, he knew he probably was not looking at his peak. He'd quashed her concerns, effectively, he believed, with a promise to take better care of himself. As soon as Mara was healthy again, he'd added as a silent afterthought.

As Cilghil left, Luke asked for her silence in the matter, for Mara's sake, if not his own. Luke knew she would feel uncomfortable around the Jedi and students, if they knew that she'd been brought down by a small insect. And her visits to the temple were sporadic as it was, he didn't want to prolong her absences any further.

Luke then returned to Mara's bedside, smoothing out the sheets and blankets that had become tangled about her legs. He took her hand and willed her with all his strength to fight.

 

 

* * *

 

 

There was fire all around her. Scalding her skin, marking her, burning her with its unimaginable intensity. She walked for hours, but did not seem to advance anywhere. All she could see was the past - every kill she had made, played out for her in vivid colour and sound. She saw the look on her own face - cold, calculating. Merciless.

Her own, twisted soul, the eyes of her victims, their screams. And the fire - red like blood, yellow like the eyes of her Emperor. He heard his laugh, somewhere in the distance, and then inside her head.

He demanded her surrender, her pledge to the dark. It would save her, he promised. She would rise above pain, above death. He would give her freedom. His voice was taunting... and then seductive, urging her to surrender to the darkness.

Mara struggled against the void that threatened to envelop her; the black tar that clung to her body, tainting it, spreading across her skin uncontrollably.

She called out, but smoke filled her lungs, lining them with ash. She tried to breathe, but only succeeded in inhaling more of the thick dust. She wheezed in panic, falling to her knees, a position she swore she would never be in again.

Then - above her there was light - not very intense, or clear, but enough to penetrate her black surroundings. There were eyes, not looking down on her, but raising her up... a brilliant, vivid blue that she knew so well.

Luke?

* * *

 

"Luke?"

The feeble word fell out of Mara's mouth, and Luke clutched her hand tighter. He'd only left her side for a few minutes, to prepare some tea for when she awoke, when he'd heard her cry out from his bedroom, caught in another feverish nightmare. He was at her side again in an instant, and took her hand in one of his, as the other reached out to stroke her hair, willing her to calm down. She'd settled almost immediately, her panting, struggled breaths easing to a more normal pace, her frame relaxing back into the bed.

It was then that she'd spoken, a soft, almost questioning whisper of his name. Luke looked at her in shock, seeing her eyelids flutter, but remain closed. Was it possible she could sense his presence beside her? The thought heartened Luke's resolve. If she could sense him, then she must have some grip or perception beyond her fever.

"Mara," he probed gently into her psyche, careful not to push where she would not allow him to go. He could feel her though, rocking gently between sleep and awake, struggling to fight back to consciousness. Her eyes quivered again, but this time, opened to reveal slits of a dull green.

"Luke?" she called again, stronger this time. He tightened his hand around hers excitedly, but she flinched and her face twisted in pain. Realising he had squeezed too hard, Luke released his grip but did not let go. Mara opened her eyes a little more, and her dry lips parted as she rasped a troubled breath.

"Mara?" He studied her face intently as her eyes travelled around the room before they slowly came to rest on him. Strangely enough, she did not seem surprised by his presence, only by her surroundings.

Mara tried to speak, but a rough couch escaped her lips instead, and Luke rubbed her arm sympathetically. Mara closed her eyes, composing herself, her small hand reaching to cover her throbbing throat.

"Where am I?" she managed to whisper.

"In my quarters on Yavin," he answered, relieved that she at least could speak. She gave him an inquisitive look. "You collapsed last night," he added hurriedly. "From Massassi fever. It's not dangerous, so long as it's being treated." Luke attempted to give her a weak smile, and was not surprised when she did not return it. But then her gaze travelled down to where her hand was clutched in his, where their fingers were intertwined.

Suddenly embarrassed, Luke attempted to extract himself and pull away, sure that Mara was about to pull a hidden blaster on him. Not that she had any place to hide it, but the woman he knew was nothing if not resourceful. So it came as a great shock to him when Mara clasped his arm with a surprisingly strong grip, her eyes sallow and pleading. The action confused Luke greatly, knowing that in any other circumstance, Mara would have cut off his hand for daring to touch her when she was in such a state. But the woman who looked back at him was so different... she looked almost frightened.

"Don't leave me," she whispered almost inaudibly, and Luke felt something constrict inside of him. He reminded himself that Mara was still heavily under the effects of the virus, and not fully lucid or emotionally balanced. Luke remembered how she had called out in her sleep. How she must have felt so alone. Of all people, Luke knew what that felt like. Gently, he pried her fingers away from his forearm, careful to signify that it was not a rejection.

"Rest, Mara," he said softly, laying her arm down on the blankets and gently patting her hand. "I'll get you something to drink." Reluctantly, he left her side, hurrying to the kitchen to fetch the tea he had prepared earlier.

"From the bark of the Massassi trees," he explained as he returned, and helped her to sit up to an angle from which she could comfortably drink from. Mara wrinkled her nose slightly at the sight of the dark purplish drink and eyed him suspiciously. The familiar look made him smile as he placed a supportive hand at the small of her back. "It will bring down the fever," he encouraged her.

That seemed to satisfy her, but as she reached for the cup, her fingers shook and her body swayed, seemingly overcome from a bout of dizziness. Luke's hand moved from her back to her shoulder blade, helping Mara steady herself through the wave of vertigo. Gently, he brought the cup to her lips himself, relieved when they parted and allowed him to pour the liquid gently into her mouth. Mara tilted her head back slightly, closing her eyes as the soothing liquid flowed down her throat. Pleased at his progress, Luke continued until the she had drunk all of the tea, then helped her ease back into the bed

"It’s hot," she murmured as her head fell back into the pillows.

Luke smiled, and pulled back some of the blankets he had covered her with. "You were shivering earlier." Uncovering her body, he drew his eyes away from the bare skin he'd exposed, willing himself not to notice exactly how thin her undershirt was. "Tell me when you get cold again."

Mara's dusty gaze settled on him. "Why are you doing this?"

Taken aback by the question, Luke stared at her for a few moments, unsure of how to answer. "Because... you're my friend," he said eventually, wincing inwardly at how trite that sounded. "You're not well, of course I'm going to take care of you," he finished uncertainly.

"There's a medcenter in the complex." Mara eyed him strangely.

The words caught Luke off guard. She was right, of course. Why exactly had he brought her back to his rooms? "Well... I hate medcenters," he countered in a voice which contained more confidence than he felt. It was the truth, he’d spent more than his fair share in medcentres which were cold, impersonal and not conducive to healing. “You wouldn’t want to be stuck there.”

“Better to be stuck here you mean,” Mara murmured as she closed her eyes again, and Luke took her hand. Minutes passed as he watched her chest rise and fall as she took in shallow breaths. It was strange, this side of Mara he was seeing.

Logically, he knew that it had been there, buried deep beneath the bitter, tough exterior. But it was an entirely different matter to see it emerge and experience it. To hear her voice without that sharp baiting wit, to feel the weight of her hand in his, knowing that she would not pull away. More than anything else, Luke felt privileged. And confused.

He'd always cared about her, that much was clear to him. But when she'd collapsed in his arms, when he'd felt the weight of her against him, lifeless and unmoving... he had been scared. Terrified that he would lose her, that she would become yet another loss that he had to bear. At this time of his life, Luke didn't think he could handle any more grief.

No, he realised - it wasn't just now. Luke knew there would never be a time in his life where he would be able to bear the loss of Mara Jade. And that thought alone confused the hell out of him.

Dragging himself out of his ruminations, Luke risked as glace at Mara, still lying peacefully on the bed. She appeared to have drifted off to sleep again, so it came as somewhat of a surprise to Luke when she spoke softly.

"I thought I was dying." Her eyes remained closed, but there was no mistaking her words. Luke didn't answer, but tightened his grip on her hand lightly. "I couldn't breathe - couldn't see anything." Mara's eyes opened, revealing something Luke had never seen within them. Tears. "It was so dark." Her lip trembled and she looked away, towards the wall. "And all I could think was that I deserved it."

Luke shifted further up the bed, closer to her. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing". Mara took a ragged breath, and her eyes fluttered tentatively. Luke noticed her ashen face become a little paler. "It's so hot in here," she murmured, her breath quickening. Deftly, Luke reached to the side table by the bed and retrieved a bowl of cool water and a cloth. Carefully, he pressed the dampened material to her face and neck, alarmed at how heated it had become.

"It's alright, Mara," he soothed her, trying to remind her of his presence. Gradually, her breathing stabilised as her eyes focused on his. Keeping her gaze, Luke continued to whisper comfort to her as he continued to run the damp cloth over her skin, pleased when it began to cool down. Eventually, Mara lay still again, her dull eyes still locking on his like a lifeline.

"I was scared Luke," she said, so softly Luke strained to hear her. "That it was because of everything I'd done." She swallowed heavily but to her credit, her gaze did not waver. "All the people I've killed... I saw them. And he was there..." Luke didn't have to ask who she was talking about. "He... told me to give in to it... to let the darkness take me... and I wanted to..." Her pained eyes broke away from his, and Luke reached up to cup her cheek.

"But you didn't Mara," he told her, resolute. "You were strong and you fought it." His fingers gently caressed her jaw, and he smiled at her, urging her gaze back to his. "You're not that person anymore."

"How can you be so sure?" Her eyes were filled with such uncertainty, Luke was struck by how vulnerable she seemed, how much she craved his reassurance.

"Because despite what you may think, I do know you." He moved to take her hand as he noticed her eyelids beginning to become weighed down. "Now rest."

"Will you stay with me?" she asked, her words drifting into the air as she began to fall back into unconsciousness.

Softly, Luke smiled, and moved closer to her. "Of course, Mara." He shifted his body until he was laying beside her, their hands still gripped securely together. "I'll be here for you."

 

 

* * *

 

Three days after her initial infection, the fever had finally worn down, and Mara awoke to full lucidity and coherence. Unfortunately, her anger at him also returned. The moment she had awoken, her eyes were vibrant and full of malicious intent. In horror, she regarded his close position to her on the bed, and their joined hands. She immediately snatched her appendage away, glaring at him.

"What's going on, Skywalker?" she demanded.

"Mara, you've been sick, I'm taking care of you.” He pulled away from her and withdrew to a safe distance. “Don't you remember?" he asked, already exasperated.

"No."

Luke wondered if she was telling the truth or if she was simply embarrassed at how much she had opened up to him. It must have hurt her pride to know he'd seen her in such a vulnerable position. The look in Mara's eyes betrayed more of a discomfit and awkwardness than a genuine lack of understanding.

She glanced down at the undershirt and shorts she was wearing, quickly covered her body with the blankets and eyed him angrily. "Did you enjoy undressing me?" In anyone else, it might have been a playful taunt, but in Mara it was a severe accusation.

Luke sighed, knowing that the only thing he could rely on was damage control. "I didn't look."

"Sure." She attempted to stand, wrapping the blanket around to cover herself, but Luke was back beside the bed in an instant, holding her gently but firmly by the shoulders.

"No, Mara," he insisted. "There's too much danger of a relapse."

She struggled against him regardless. "Don't be ridiculous, Skywalker. I feel fine." She shrugged off his grip and he reluctantly let go of her. Awkwardly protecting her dignity with the sheets and blankets, Mara attempted to walk from the bed, only to sway dangerously and begin to fall. He was there to catch her, but she ruthlessly batted his hands away and fell back into the bed, unfortunately into the midst of a coughing fit.

The ugly, rasping sound filled the room as her chest shuddered with the intensity of it. Luke ignored her previous rejection and moved close. He placed one hand to her back the other to her sternum, supporting her slight frame through the exertion. He was intensely relieved when the coughing subsided, and tried to draw her into a comforting embrace, but a single glare stopped him.

Glowering, Mara cleared her throat. "So... " she managed to rasp. "How long am I going to be interned here?"

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Luke stepped back and took a seat in the chair beside the bed. "You aren't a prisoner of war, Mara," he said tiredly. He saw her open her mouth to dispute the fact, but he quickly cut her off. "Massassi fever is no common galactic cold. You have to rest until the virus is completely free from your system, or it will come back again - and worse."

She was silent for a few moments as his words sunk in. "Massassi fever?"

"It's quite interesting, really," Luke said, handing her another cup of tea that was waiting beside the bed. "The bugs that live in the Massassi trees cause the disease, and the bark itself helps to counteract the effects."

Mara reluctantly drank the tea, pondering his words. "But so many things are like that, aren't they," she said finally, as she looked away. "The power to give life... the power to take it away." Her eyes captured that look again - that mixture of grief and regret that Luke had come to recognise.

"I suppose." Luke hoped she would continue, to expand on what she had told him, but when Mara looked back, the scowl had returned.

"So, how long?"

"A few more days," he admitted reluctantly. "Maybe a week."

"A week?" Her tone was indignant. "I know most women would boast about spending a solid week in your bed, Skywalker, but I tell you now, one of us isn't going to survive it."

"Well if you leave the odds are against you, Mara," Luke felt his irritation rise. "And they're stacked pretty heavily." A mischievous and quite enjoyable thought came to him. "You can leave, and face almost certain death, or you can stay her with me." He looked at her sternly, hiding the small gratification the words gave him. It was not every day he was able to back Mara Jade into a corner. "Up to you."

She sat in silence for several minutes, her face betraying nothing. "Well?" he prompted eventually.

"I need to think about it."

Luke shook his head wearily and left the room, wondering if all the progress he'd made with her the past few days had been in vain. He'd finally thought he'd broken through to her, only to be yanked roughly back to the outer fringes of her tolerance.

But, he supposed, that's how it was with him and Mara. One step forward, three steps back.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY_ **

 

"Mara, what are you doing?" The sluggish, coarse voice of her husband cut through the darkness.

Mara looked up briefly from the floor to find him peering at her from his sprawled position on the bed. She returned her attention to the tunic in her hand, before discarding it back onto the floor. She picked up another from the scattered pile of clothes - hers this time.

"Trying to keep warm," she answered, pulling the shirt over her head and smoothing it down over her body.

He grinned foolishly at her. "I thought that was my job?"

A wave of playfulness crossed Mara, and she folded her arms in defiance. "Well, you're being lax."

"Come here."

Smiling, Mara moved back into his embrace, pillowing her head on his bare chest. She moved an arm to rest on his hip and held him tightly. "Luke?"

"Hmmm?" His eyes had drifted closed and he began to breathe evenly.

"I've been thinking."

"Hmmm? Me too," he murmured, automatically.

"Luke?" She slapped his chest lightly, jolting him back into awareness.

"What?" With a wince, he inclined his head slightly towards her.

Mara sat up slightly, resting her hand on his chest as she swivelled to face him. "Not tired, are you?" she asked mischievously.

"I'm sorry, my love, you appear to have... rather exhausted me". His eyes fluttered closed again.

"Luke!" She slapped him again, lightly this time.

"I'm not that young anymore, Mara," he reminded her, a grin forming on his lips.

Mara shifted up the bed slightly, bringing her face close to his. "That’s not what you were saying earlier." She placed a light kiss to his mouth.

"Hmmm," he muttered again, returning her kiss. Perhaps he was not as tired as he claimed, Mara thought wickedly, doubling her efforts.

"In fact," she murmured, between kisses, "Leia was telling me just the other day that Han... "

"Mara!" Luke pulled abruptly away from her, wide-eyed in horror. "There are certain things I'd prefer us not to talk about... especially when... " he gestured his hand between them.

"Especially when what?" Mara grinned, and leant in close to him again, her hand travelling sinuously down his chest. "Luke?" She kissed him soundly. "Especially when what?"

"When... Oh, never mind."

Mara ran her tongue over his bottom lip, and it dropped allowing her tongue entrance to his mouth. He always tasted sweet to her, like cloudberries at full ripeness, but his tongue was coarse like desert sand, and she liked the contrast. His body temperature always seemed a run a few degrees below normal, an adaptation from years living under twin suns, but his mouth was always searingly hot. Mara could never get enough of the taste of her husband, and she kissed him fiercely.

Her hand found his quickly forming hardness and she caressed him gently, to Luke’s great delight. He moaned, eyes fluttering closed and head falling back against the pillows. Mara shifted her body on top of his, trapping his member between them as she reached both hands up to cup his face. She watched as she rubbed her wet heat against him, his eyes tightly shut as a wave of pleasure passed over him. She could feel it through their bond, but it was the look on his face that gave her the most pleasure, the way his tongue darted out to lick his lips, the way his breathing became ragged, the way beads of sweat dotted his brow. The way her husband looked as she gave him pleasure, the passion that he never tried to conceal, that he would only ever show her, gratified her and made her desire rise in a way no one else had ever been able to manage.

Mara rubbed herself up and down the length of him, her breasts dragging against his chest which sent piques of desire through her body and core. She was still wearing her sleeveless shirt she had retrieved from the floor, and the material rubbed against her nipples pleasurably.

She was ready for him, but wanted to show him the attention he had given her earlier, and so traced the lines of his face with her fingers, following the long-healed scars from the wampa attack many years before. Then she followed the path with her lips, at the same time rotating her hips to brush her core against the hardness pressed against his belly.

“Mara,” he whispered hoarsely. “Force, that feels good.”

He had told her, earlier when he’d had her against the door, that no one could ever make him feel as good as she did. This time, she believed him, all of her doubts and previous fears forgotten and unimportant. She kissed the line of his jaw, pausing briefly to press her tongue into his ear in a way that always made him shiver with pleasure, before tracing a path down his neck.

Mara ran her hands over his broad, strong shoulders, tracing the contours of his tight muscles and pressed wet kisses to his collarbone, laving the skin with her tongue. Then she raised herself up slightly, so that she could see the scar on his chest from Shimrra’s amphistaff. Caressing the puckered skin lightly, Mara’s thoughts drifted briefly to that terrible day when she had almost lost him. Sensing the turn of her mind, Luke’s hand cradled her head, winding through her hair, reminding her that he was there, he was alive, and they were together. Mara pressed her lips against the scars, sucking on his skin slightly as if to draw any remaining poison out of him.

Luke’s hand tugged on her hair slightly, urging him back up to his face and kissing her soundly. He shifted under her, and Mara brought her mind back into the moment, desire flooding through her as Luke’s hands ran down her back sensuously, finding the edge of her top and pulling it up and over her head. After he’d thrown the offending garment away, one hand cupped a bare breast, rubbing her peak firmly and making Mara cry out.  

She put her hands on either side of his head, boxing him in against the bed and lifting herself up on her forearms. Her body cried out for him - she could not wait any longer, and the way he bit his lip told her he couldn’t either.

Mara rose to her knees, allowing his hardness to spring free from where it had been pressed against their bodies. His hands were on her hips, gently guiding her into position and Mara sank down on him thankfully. Luke groaned, and she turned her gaze back to his face, grinning wickedly.    

She began to rock against him, never feeling so alive as when he was inside of her, filling her, completing her. Mara let out a keening cry as he thrust up into her and they quickly found a rhythm together.

He reached out to her through the Force and she accepted him gratefully. He didn’t go as deeply as before, but that didn’t make their coupling any less gratifying. They could not always connect on such a deep level; it took too much energy and was to be saved for special occasions. Mara was happy, for now, to simply focus on the feelings he was creating inside of her, one of his hands on her breast, kneading it firmly, and the other on her hip, urging along her rocking movements.

Her pleasure built quickly and Mara threw her head back, riding him harder as she careened towards her peak. His fingers dug into her hip hard enough to bruise, but Mara was beyond caring as she rose up and then sheathed herself down the length of him again, and again.

“Luke,” she moaned, knowing that he loved it when she called his name, and unwilling to silence herself in any way. “Oh, Luke…”

“Mara,” he grunted hoarsely in return, and the sound of his low voice, the rough, passionate tone that he only reached with her, made the curl of pleasure in her lower belly tighten. “Yes, Mara, yes…” he moaned. “So good…”

She leaned down to kiss him, and the feel of his hot, wet mouth and coarse tongue sent her over the edge. Her cry was muffled by his mouth as stars burst behind her eyes and her body shuddered with the force of her climax. Luke’s hand tightened on her hip as he thrust up into her a few more times, and Mara rocked against him, carrying him through his own orgasm, their lips still pressed together in a deep kiss.

Then Mara collapsed back onto the bed next to him to catch her breath, before turning her face into the coolness of the pillow. Luke moved to spoon against her, his arms enfolding her into a comforting embrace. Mara finally allowed herself a sated sigh, and after a while her eyes began to drift closed.

"What were you thinking?" Luke's deep voice came from behind her.

"I'm sorry?" She turned a little on her side to face him.

"Before - you said you'd been thinking." He grinned inanely at her. "Or was it just a ploy to get my attention and ravish me?"

Mara gave him a derisive laugh. "You are attributing _me_ with ravishment?"

"I most certainly am," he grinned.

"Well shut up, or it'll never happen again."

He lapsed obediently into silence, but she felt a loving, playful caress through the Force. The minutes drifted by in silent companionship as his breathing evened and peace settled upon them. Mara waited until she could feel he was beginning to drift off again before speaking.

"I was thinking about us," she said softly. Luke remained silent, but she could feel his grip around her tighten slightly, and his unspoken urge to continue. "Ben was... very difficult when you were away." Mara was careful to keep her voice neutral.

"I guessed as much," Luke admitted with a grimace. "He was rather emotional when I saw him earlier."

"He misses you, Luke," Mara turned in his arms, moving around to face him. "We miss you." Her hand reached up to caress his cheek, tracing a soft pattern over his marked skin.

"I'm not gone that often," Luke defended himself, but his words were without substance, without the will to convince her.

Mara eyed him penetratingly. "It's enough, Luke" Her hand dropped back onto the sheets, and he quickly covered it with his palm. "Ben doesn't understand how much responsibility falls to you, how much you seem to be needed out there. He thinks that he's second best."

Luke closed his eyes, contemplating. Mara disliked being harsh with him, but it was the only way to get through to him sometimes. Those lofty ideals, while admirable, made a rather tough shell to penetrate.

"Kyp asked me when I was planning to take on a new apprentice," Luke said finally.

Mara stiffened slightly, turning her head towards the wall, away from him. "What did you say?"

"That I wasn't sure," he replied evenly. "Were you considering - "

"No," she cut him off harshly, retreating from his embrace.

Luke was visibly shocked by the dismissive, final nature of her tone. "You never even thought about it?"

"I do have a child to raise, Luke."

"We," he reminded her. " _We_ have a child to raise." His arm reached over her again, but she repelled him through the Force.

"Sometimes I wonder," Mara replied, almost inaudibly.

"What do you mean by that?" Luke raised himself up to an elbow, so that he could peer down at her. Mara's face was shadowed, her cheeks adorned by the moonlight that left her eyes shaded. He was careful to keep his voice neutral. They'd only just recovered from their last argument.

Mara sighed, and moved further down the bed. She sat up, and crossed her legs, eyeing him squarely. But there was no malice or anger in her face. But there was a strange longing, a sadness that he could discern in her expression. Carefully, he sat up to face her, and was pleased when she reached for his hand.

"You know that I've never been good at this, Luke," she began, her slim fingers caressing the skin of his palm. "Do you realise we've been married for over ten years?" Mara smiled indulgently. "And known each other ten years before that?" she added, shaking her head, almost in disbelief. "It should seem like a lifetime, but it doesn't." Her smile lessened slightly, a wave of melancholy crossing her face. "It still feels like we haven't had enough time to enjoy each other."

"I know what you mean." Luke felt as if the last twenty years of his life had gone past him in a flash, slipped through his fingers as easily as sand.

"There's always been war, or politics or some other crisis keeping us apart," Mara continued. "Or... our own stubbornness," she added as an afterthought.

Luke grinned at this. "Yours more than mine I think, Mara," he teased.

He received a glare and Luke forced a neutral expression onto his face. Mara had never been comfortable exposing herself like this, even to him. For her to be so serious was a clear sign that what she wanted to say was important. He urged her to continue.

"We finally have a time for ourselves, Luke." Mara continued heedlessly. "The time I'd always taken for granted before."

"Mara," Luke started to reach out for her, but she stopped him.

"Please, Luke," her eyes pleaded with him. "I have to say this." He nodded to her, giving her a small smile, squeezing her hand gently in reassurance.

"I realised the reason why I was so upset about Callista. It wasn't her - or you." She looked at him deeply. "It was me - it was the danger of losing you, even the slightest threat of it. Because I do need you." She gave him a weak smile. "I know I've never admitted to it before, but I'm saying it now - I need this family. You and Ben."

Luke felt overcome by the emotion of her words, and what it must have cost her pride to admit it to him. Even after all these years, those simple words brought such fulfilment to his heart. Oh, he'd always known she'd felt that way, but to hear her say the words was indescribable. Impulsively, he brought her hand to his lips, and placed a tender kiss to her fingers. He continued to clasp her hand in both of his

"You know that I'll always put this family first," he told her, his voice a gentle caress. "That the two of you are more important to me than anything." He saw her nod, and shift a bit closer to him, their knees almost touching. "I gave up responsibility on Ithor... And I think it's finally time to prove it."

Mara placed the warm skin of her free hand to his knee. "I'm not asking you to give up the Jedi. You couldn't, even if you wanted to."

"I know," Luke nodded. "But you need me to be a husband and father first."

Giving him a tentative smile, Mara's eyes met his tenderly. "I mean, look at us, Luke. We're a generation of orphans." She took a deep breath. "We grew up without guidance, without protection. We lived through war and sadness, and we did it alone. I want to give more to Ben. I want to try."

Luke took hold of Mara firmly, and drew her into a tight embrace. She allowed him to do so, her hands breaking free and twining around his neck, through his cropped hair.

"I do too," he whispered into the soft skin of her neck, overcome with sheer love for the woman in his arms, for the child who lay asleep on the other side of the apartment. Gently, he relaxed his muscles and moved gently back to lay on the bed, bringing Mara with him. Her hand darted out to clutch the nearby blankets and pull the coverings over the both of them.

They lay in silence for several minutes, as Luke gently stroked his wife's long red tresses absently. "Where would you like to go?" he asked finally, into the darkness.

"What?" She shifted slightly against him, confused.

"I've told you that this was never really a home for me. For either of us." He moved his thumb gently over her cheek in a soft caress. "We should find one."

"You'd leave Coruscant?" She asked, rested her head back onto his shoulder. "Leave the Jedi Temple?"

"You see, Jade, there's this ingenious invention called intergalactic space travel," he teased her. "It allows you to navigate between systems in short amounts of time". He was rewarded with a playful swat. Subduing his smile, Luke's tone became serious. "I wouldn't mind any planet in the galaxy, so long as you and Ben were with me."

"Well..." Mara closed her eyes and settled herself, her Force presence mingling with his gently and a contentedness washed over her. "I rather liked Ossus... "

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was there again. A tingling in the back of Ben's head, a slight varying of his perception. It had always been there, really. His father called it the Force. Ben didn't really understand how it worked, only that most of the time, it felt good. Colours became brighter to him, sounds clearer. Every sense became more acute, more real. He had learnt that if he concentrated, he could hear people walking in the hallway outside their apartment, or the speeders shoot by in the night, or his parents talking quietly in the living room. Mostly, he blocked out their voices, respecting their privacy. It was a skill he could probably have taken advantage of, but Ben believed his mother would become very angry with him if she found out he was listening to their conversations. Ben understood. He liked to be left alone sometimes, too.

He had enjoyed exploring these new sensations, and they had mostly been good experiences. But Ben found that the more he focused, the harder he tried to open himself up like that, the more bad emotions he was beginning to feel. It was always sudden. One moment he would be watching a bug crawl across the floor, listening to the quiet tapping of its legs against the ground, when he would hear a scream, or see someone fall, or feel that someone, somewhere near, was crying.

It hurt so much, and he couldn't make it stop. Ben tried to concentrate only on the good things, but he could not filter out the painful things. He knew about the war, about how many people had died and suffered. It had been so distant to him, though. History.

He couldn't help but feel it now. And he didn't understand, why the Force was so bad to him when it could make him feel so happy. Why he couldn't just ignore the pain - and feel only the colours and lights that filled him with such peace.

_That is the way of the Force, Ben. And life._

Ben almost jumped out of bed at the sound. He threw the covers off and slammed the light on, illuminating his small room. It was empty. But he had heard something, a voice... No, Ben told himself. There was nobody there.

_Trust yourself_

A part of Ben told him to call out for his parents, to run to them where he would be safe. But the strange thing was... he wasn't scared. The voice was there, now, he had heard it clearly. He could feel it as well. His body felt warm and protected, like when his father would envelop him into a firm hug. The part deep inside of him he had learnt to trust told him that there was nothing to fear.

"Hello?" he called out into the room softly.

It wasn't quite a figure that appeared before his eyes. But in Ben's vision, the space before him seemed to... shift slightly. He couldn't make out anything in particular, except - eyes, perhaps. Bright, familiar eyes. Blue like his own, like his father’s. And dark robes, he could see them now, though faintly. And a smile - a gentle, peaceful gaze on his face.

"You're him, aren't you?" He asked in wonder. Ben didn't just guess at who his visitor was - somehow, he just knew. "My... grandfather," Ben's lips closed around the unfamiliar word. "Your eyes are just like Dad's. Like mine".

The figure's smile widened as he nodded.

"Dad told me about you," he added when the figure didn't answer.

Finally, the image shifted, and reappeared next to Ben on the bed, much clearer now, a blue shimmering halo around him.

"What did he say?" His deep voice filled Ben's heart, rather than his ears.

Ben furrowed his brow. It was difficult to reconcile the image before him to the many stories his father had told.

"He said... that you were once a great Jedi Knight. And that... you did bad things," Ben spoke up finally. "That you hurt a lot of people."

The apparition nodded sadly. "All of that's true".

Biting his lip in concentration, Ben continued. "But he said that you were good in the end. That some part of you was always good. That you... saved him."

A wistful smile crossed the figure's face. "He saved me."

"So it is you," Ben declared. "What..." he faltered slightly, ashamed of his ignorance. "What should I call you?"

The figure’s features seemed to shift, becoming not quite sad, but regretful. "I'm sorry, Ben, that I robbed you of the chance to know your grandparents. I know what it was like to grow up like that, and I never wished it for you." He appeared to sigh, and to Ben it felt like the whole room was inverting towards him, breathing with him. "You may call me Anakin."

"Did you hear them arguing, Anakin?" Ben scowled, the sadness suddenly overcoming his curiosity.

"Your parents?" Anakin raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I did."

"Dad said they were just talking, but I don't believe him," Ben thrust out his bottom lip, pouting. "I felt it... they were so angry."

"Just be glad you didn't feel what they've been doing for the past few hours," Anakin smirked as he patted Ben playfully on the shoulder, giving him a wink.

Ben looked at him quizzically, but put the comment down to just another thing the adults wouldn't tell him about. Or promise to explain when he was older.

"Everyone treats me like such a kid," he whined. He expected Anakin to laugh and pat him on the shoulder again, or make a patronising comment about how he was a kid. Or to tell him knowingly that he didn't want to grow up too soon.

But Anakin seemed to muse on the complaint. "I was like that," he said finally. "I used to tell everyone that someday I would visit every star in the sky. No one took me seriously, of course." He smiled wistfully. "But I never forgot about it."

"I bet you visited heaps, though, didn't you Anakin?" Ben bounced up excitedly on the bed, his earlier emotions forgotten. "I wanna fly an X-wing like Dad," he informed him. "He said that it's so fun when all the stars are going past."

Anakin laughed warmly. "It is. As long as you're not flying away from something."

Ben felt his scrutinising gaze, but it didn't make him feel uncomfortable. It was warm - accepting. He hadn't felt like that in a while. Ben cast his eyes downward, his voice becoming soft.

"Dad's always flying away. And Mom - she gets upset and wants me to go away. She says I wouldn't understand."

"That is the way your mother is," Anakin explained gently. "I remember -" But he cut himself off and lapsed into silence.

"What?" Ben moaned, irritated. That happened to him a lot. Someone would begin to say something about his mother, but stop themselves at the last minute. Aunty Leia did it to him all the time. What weren't they telling him?

A grimace formed on Anakin's face. "That's not something you should hear from me." Ben wasn't ready to accept that, but Anakin quickly moved on. "I know it's hard, Ben. When I was growing up, I could feel it if someone was hurt, or sick. Or even the slightest bit upset." He sighed deeply. "I was never able to forget it - how it felt. But maybe you'll be able to benefit from my mistakes," he added, almost to himself.

Ben didn't quite know what to say - there was so much he didn't understand, so much he hadn't been told. But underneath the bewilderment and curiosity, there was a streak of exhilarating excitement. He was actually talking to his grandfather, the hero who he had heard so much of, who he had always wondered about and secretly admired. It was someone who didn't shy away from his questions, didn't dismiss him as too young to understand or felt the need to whisper around him. Who he could talk to...who would listen.

"So are you the Force now?" Ben asked, gazing up at his transparent image of his grandfather. "That's what Dad said."

"In a way," Anakin nodded acutely. "I am a part of it, a part of everything, now."

Ben lowered his head. "I don't understand it," he said, reluctantly. "The Force."

"I know Ben," Anakin reached out a ghostly hand and placed it on his shoulder. Ben immediately felt his skin warm and glow. "That's why I'm here."

"Dad doesn't know," Ben looked up again. "I tried to tell him but he doesn't get it. He doesn't hurt like I do."

"Your father has forgotten how strongly the Force manifests itself in the young," Anakin answered. "You are receptive fully of the Force in a way you never will be again. You must learn to control it."

"What if I can't?" Ben felt the oppressive weight in his heart again - the fear that the darkness, the pain, would overwhelm him and smother the light.

"I'll help you," Anakin said resolutely. His spectral hand drifted down from Ben's shoulder to tightly grasp his small hands. "There are dark times coming for the Jedi, Ben. You can't allow yourself to be caught up in it." Anakin's eyes darkened slightly. "There is so much I've learnt about the Force, Ben. So much I could teach you." He looked up, to a point behind Ben's shoulder - almost as if he was listening to something. Ben strained his ears. Perhaps he was imagining it... but he almost could hear voices. They were too soft for him to make out, whispers in the dead air. But Anakin seemed to hear them clearly.

"I never learnt restraint in my life," Anakin refocused his attention back on Ben. "But we must teach it to you." He grimaced slightly. "Even if it means distancing yourself from the Force."

Ben wriggled eagerly. "From the pain you mean, Anakin?"

"From all of it," he replied sorrowfully. "The good as well as the bad." Anakin took Ben by the shoulders gently. "It may feel empty, but we believe that it is for the best. If you trust me?"

Ben stared into the twin eyes of his grandfather. The man who had helped wipe out the Jedi so long before he was born. Who had saved his father, and turned back to the light. Who he had been told was strong, and without fear. Who could see inside of him in a way even his mother and father could not. Could, perhaps, understand the darkness he was feeling.

"I trust you, Anakin," he answered resolutely.

"I couldn't be there for your father, Ben," Anakin looked deeply back into his eyes. "But I will be there for you."


	13. Chapter 13

_**Luke Skywalker's quarters, Yavin 4. 12 ABY** _

"Lay still please, Mara." Cilghal's voice was soft, but her webbed hand was firm as she pressed down on Mara's shoulder to stop her squirming. Mara huffed but obediently stilled, lying her head back on the pillow and looking up at the ceiling. Almost a week she'd been trapped on Yavin 4 recovering from Massassi fever, and she was getting antsy.

Having checked her blood pressure, breathing and glands, Cilghal moved her examination onto the infected area on Mara's left leg. The skin around the bites was still inflamed, although the red infection which had once run up her entire calf was now confined to her ankle.

"You still need another few days rest to make sure the virus has completely left your system," Cilgahl informed her. "Although you are likely strong enough to move to the medcentre, if you like."

Mara considered it, but remembered the cold, stark white of the Praxeum medical complex, the lack of privacy and likely visits from concerned or nosy students. Luke annoyed her, but at least he didn't gawk.

"I'll stay here."

Cilghal smiled as much as a Mon Calamari could. "Master Skywalker makes an excellent nurse."

"I wouldn't go that far." Mara had spent the last week being fussed over by Skywalker - he prepared her meals, administered her medicine and tried to keep her amused. As someone needed to monitor her condition and she had taken up residence in his bed, he'd made himself up a cot and slept on the far side of the room. More than once she had awoken from her nightmares to find his hand in hers, his cool fingers brushing back the hair from her forehead soothingly. And when in the morning she pretended it had never happened, he willingly played along with the deception, never trying to use her weakness against her.

He had also known when to leave her alone, to vanish from his quarters for long periods of time so she could have her solitude. And yet when he was there they often fell into easy conversation. They had not spent so much time in one another's presence since Wayland, and Mara found that she didn't despise it.

"He cares about you, Mara," Cilghal said softly. "I hope you know how much."

Mara shifted uncomfortably on the bed - Skywalker's bed - and looked away. She knew he cared, but Mara had always dismissed it as the genuine and natural affection he felt for all beings, and not anything particular to her.

"I'll be back to check on you tomorrow," Cilghal said as she rose and gathered her instruments, perhaps sensing that Mara was not inclined to continue the conversation.

"Thank you, Cilghal," Mara managed to force out as the healer left, and the Mon Calamari responded only with a gracious smile and a slow blinking of her eyelids.

It was late afternoon when Luke returned from the day's classes, bearing two serves of chaka noodles from the commissary. He smiled warmly at her as he entered, and despite herself, Mara was pleased to see him. She did, however, dismiss the feeling as a side effect of her isolation - she would probably miss a gundark if he was the only company she'd had for a week. Luke had asked if she wanted visitors from the Academy, but Mara had firmly declined - the last thing she needed was slimy Kyp Durron bothering her.

"What did Cilghal say?" Luke asked as he removed his outer robe and flung it over a chair. Mara bristled at the action, for in the past week she'd learnt that Luke Skywalker lived in quarters that were haphazard and a tad cluttered. As Mara liked things ordered and precise, she had spent some of that day tidying the rooms up, which he had evidently not noticed. The fact rankled Mara slightly.

"Three more days until you get your bed back, Skywalker," Mara said as she rose from the couch and followed him to the kitchenette, and did not miss his smile. "You seem almost pleased," she accused him as she took a seat at the kitchen counter.

Luke looked slightly guilty, but his expression quickly folded into impassiveness. "I'm sorry you're recovery is taken longer than expected, Mara," he responded evenly as he prepared their meals. "But I have to admit, it has been nice to have company again."

Suddenly Mara felt as if she'd been drenched with ice-cold water, realising for the first time that not that long ago, Callista had been living in these same quarters with him. She had shared with Luke the same bed Mara was currently occupying, they had likely….

Mara felt slightly sick, and forced that image from her mind with disgust. She almost upbraided him, ready to inform him in no uncertain terms that she was not that kind of "company" and she didn't want in any way to be compared to Callista, but stopped herself. It didn't matter, Mara reasoned, she would be gone in a few days and everything would go back in its box. She and Skywalker would go back to indifferent acquaintances and she would forget his words, which had been off the cuff and devoid of meaning.

"And what culinary delights has the Academy chef to offer today?" she asked, changing the subject and wrinkling her nose at the proffered plate of noodles. The food from the Praxeum was objectively terrible.

Luke gave her a stern look. "He's trying, Mara."

Mara avoided making a "there is no try" joke - she'd heard enough of them. Instead she shrugged and began to eat, surprised when it wasn't as bad as she was expecting. Although that didn't mean it was good, either. She looked over at Luke, who was wolfing his portion down, and Mara shook her head slowly. Not for the first time, she wondered if all his tastebuds had been seared off as a child by some spicy Tatooine delicacy.

"No," Luke answered cheerfully between mouthfuls. "I'm just not as picky as you are."

"Stay out of my head, Skywalker," she told him, but there was not venom behind the words.

"Your shields are down, Mara," he told her with a grin. "I can't help it."

Mara gave him a look and mentally tightened her barriers, slightly concerned that she hadn't even noticed them slip. When she opened her eyes she saw that Luke had placed a jar of tomo-spice on the counter, and when Mara looked at him quizzically he avoided her gaze. She wondered whether he had somehow sensed that she'd wanted to add flavour to her meal, or if he'd learnt over the past week that she liked spicy food. Deciding it didn't matter, Mara added a generous amount of tomo-spice to her noodles and stirred it in. When she tasted the dish again she found it far more palatable.

Luke told her about the day's lessons at the Academy and the new student who had arrived, and at first Mara listened politely. But she soon found herself drawn into the conversation as Luke described the wonder and reverence the young Togruta had expressed at the Praxeum and Luke himself.

"You're a public figure, Luke," she told him. "And like it or not, most of your students - especially the young girls - are going to be in awe of you." She laughed and twirled noodles around her fork. "I don't get it personally," she teased him. "But then again, I actually know you."

"Ha, ha." But his amused smile quickly faded into melancholy. "I just hope I'm not a disappointment to them," he added somberly. "They've heard about all of these amazing things I've done, but the truth is I got lucky most of the time, and half of my successes only came after hideous failures. Jedi Masters are supposed to be infallible, and I, sadly, am not."

Mara put down her fork and regarded him seriously. "No one is, Luke," she told him. "Not even Obi-Wan and Yoda." He looked up at her, surprised that she had picked up on his errant thoughts. "It works both ways, Skywalker," she reminded him.

"I can't help but think I'll never be the Jedi they were," Luke said sadly.

"No, you won't," Mara told him firmly. "You'll be better."

Luke gave a self-deprecating laugh. "That fever knocked you about more than I thought."

"I mean it, Luke," she continued. Usually, she would be attempting to deflate his ego, but Mara was always honest, and she genuinely believed her words. "Yoda and Obi-Wan failed to prevent your father from turning to the dark side," she reminded him. "They lied to you and then tried to convince you to kill him. Hardly paragons of virtue."

Luke pursed his lips and cast his gaze downward. "I better clear up," he said, taking his plate and hers to the sink. It was the first time she'd ever seen him not finish a meal.

"Let me help," she offered as he emptied the leftovers into the trash and began to wash the dishes.

"No, it's only fair, " he said without turning around. "You cleaned today, don't think I didn't notice."

"Well, I can't stand mess," Mara told him as she casually wandered over to the couch and plopped herself down on it.

"I know," came Luke's reply in an indecipherable tone.

Mara began to flick aimlessly through the holonet, first checking the news and the daily stock and trade reports. There was nothing of interest, but even so Mara was anxious to get back to work. Karrde had commed a few days ago, ordering Luke to keep her on Yavin until she was completely recovered.

After a while Luke brought over a teapot and poured a purplish liquid into a cup for her. Mara sighed and wrinkled her nose as the scent of the tea filled the room. She was thoroughly sick of the stuff, but Cilghal insisted she continue to drink it until her infection was completely gone. Luke gave her a stern look, and Mara sighed, taking an obedient sip.

"If I never drink this stuff again it will be too soon," she grumbled.

Luke laughed softly and took a seat in the armchair opposite. "Stay away from Massassi bugs and you'll be fine."

"I'll stay away from this planet," Mara added, taking another sip of the tea. Luke didn't answer, retrieving a small hunting knife from the caf table beside him and a wooden carving he'd been working on. Mara had been surprised to learn that he was quite skilled in carving, and he had spent hours by her bedside immersed in the activity while she rested. Almost without thinking, Mara switched off the holonet and settled in to watch him work.

"Doing that again, Skywalker?" she asked.

Luke smiled as he whittled away. "I had to fell two Massassi trees to get the bark to make your tea," he teased her. "The least I could do was to make sure none of the wood went to waste."

"What are you making this time?"

Luke opened his palm and showed her his project which was beginning to take shape. "An X-Wing," he explained, and Mara could see the elongated x shape in the wood which would form the ship's wings.

"Where did you learn how to do that?" she asked, something which she'd been curious about ever since she'd first witness him doing it. "I can't imagine there's much wood on Tatooine."

"There's not," Luke agreed as his blade moved smoothly over the wood in his hand. "But there's more than enough sandstone, and the principle's the same."

Mara's gaze lingered on Luke's long fingers as he deftly carved shape into the wood. His hands were steady and sure of his path, every moment bringing to life the image he saw in his mind's eye. He was intensely focused on the project, occasionally leaning in close to blow shards of wood away from the craving, the shavings fluttering to the floor. In fact Luke was so zoned in to his work that he didn't even notice Mara was watching him, and it was only that fact which allowed Mara to do so.

"There," Luke showed her the finished product proudly, and Mara was impressed by the detail. He'd even carved in the exhaust ports and torpedo shafts. "Jaina will love it." He put the small figurine on the caf table next to the two he'd carved the previous night; a krayt dragon for Jacen and a replica R2-D2 for Anakin.

"It's very impressive, Skywalker," Mara conceded, feigning mild disinterest.

"Would you like me to make you something?" Luke asked.

Mara was surprised at the question. "It's not enough that I've commandeered your bed for the week and you have to make me endless cups of that vile tea, you want to give me a gift, too?" Surely there were some limits to his genial nature, although Mara clearly had yet to reach them.

Luke shrugged. "It's no trouble."

"No thank you," Mara said, trying to be gracious. "I can't think of anything I'd want."

"Someday I'll make something for you, Mara," Luke said. "I promise."

Mara looked down at her hands, suddenly feeling unusually hot under his intense gaze. He did not seem disturbed by her lack of response and instead pulled out his datapad and began going through the Academy accounts. Since she'd had nothing else to do, Mara had taken a run at them herself earlier that day, and had made several notes for him to consider.

And yet now her mind wandered away from the very safe topic of the running of the Academy. Over the past few days a seed of regret had taken root in the back of her mind, and she'd had plenty of time to nurture it with concern until it had bloomed into full guilt.

"I know I haven't been the most gracious guest," she said abruptly, crossing her legs under herself on the couch nervously. Luke looked up from his datapad inquisitively. "So in case I'm too proud to say it later, thank you."

"It's no problem, Mara," Luke smiled, closing down his datapad and stowing it away so he could give her his full attention. "I'm just glad you're well again."

"It's funny," Mara told him, unsurprised by his graciousness. "I came here to cheer you about the Callista situation, and instead you've been taking care of me."

"Well it's certainly distracted me from it," Luke's smile became forced. "You should count that as a success." He looked away, and Mara knew his thoughts were drawn back to the malt-haired woman who'd so captured his heart, and then broken it. Mara felt an overwhelming desire to comfort him, to give him the same support and compassion he had shown her this past week.

"I'm sorry for what I said the other day," Mara found herself saying. "About Callista not loving you - I'm sure she did."

"Really?" Luke smiled ruefully. "I'm not." He sighed and it was several long moments before he spoken again "At its core love is selfless," he explained. "But she chose the Force over me."

Mara looked down at her hands again, unsure of how to cheer him up. Was it better for him to believe that he'd been truly loved, and had only been abandoned for some higher purpose, or that the relationship had been doomed from the start?

"Maybe her actions were selfless, in a way," Mara suggested slowly, looking back up to gauge his reaction.

Luke's face was impassive, but she saw a twitch in his cheek. "How so?"

Mara considered the matter for a few moments. "Maybe...she knew that the two of you weren't going to be happy together, no matter how much you loved each other." This was unfamiliar territory for Mara but she forced the thought to its logical conclusion. "She left so you could be free to meet someone else - someone with whom love  _was_  enough."

"But who could there be for me, if not her?" Luke asked, his voice pained.  "Who else could love me so much, that it's all we would need?" He looked away, but Mara could see that his eyes were wet, and his grief still ran deep. There was a small, treacherous voice inside of her that was fighting to be heard, the voice that told her she knew the answer to that question. But Mara quashed it violently, and refused to listen.

"I don't have the answers for you Luke," Mara said quietly. "I don't know anything about love - you were right about that."

"I thought _I_  did," Luke mused softly. "I thought I knew everything, but I was a fool. I thought love would be enough for anyone - it was always enough for me."

That was the crux of it, Mara realised. Luke was fount of boundless love, a man for whom forgiveness and compassion came as easy as breathing. Callista had known that, would have understood that Luke would have always remained by her side, because in his eyes that was what you did when you loved someone. But perhaps in hers, Mara mused, when you loved someone you knew when to let them go. When you loved someone, you could see when you were bad for them, and removed yourself from the equation to prevent greater heartache later on. For the first time, Mara felt a twinge of sympathy and understanding for Callista.

They didn't speak again, but instead spent the rest of the evening in a companionable silence. When she went to bed that night, Mara pulled the blankets around herself tightly. Somehow, even though she'd changed the sheets that day, they still smelled of him, and it had become a sense memory associated with a healing calm. She lay awake for a long time, listening to his light breathing from across the room, and wondered.


	14. Chapter 14

**_Callista Ming's apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY._ **

Luke had been standing outside the battered door for close to an hour. The squalor of the district unsettled him. He knew Coruscant's underground was a hive of corruption and moral deficiency, but the abject poverty troubled him greatly. He felt almost ashamed of the small but nonetheless lavish apartment he shared with his family. To see people living in such squalor only reinforced his many regrets about the war, about the troubles that faced the fledging government.

But that was not the reason he was so unnerved. Mara understood why he had to come, why he had to see Callista. They had sorted any problems that issue had plagued them with, and now his wife only worried about what he would be confronted by. She'd offered to accompany him, but Luke knew this was something he had to face alone. Besides, he didn't imagine Callista would be exactly forthcoming with him if Mara was there.

He had his wife's blessing, and now all Luke had to do was overcome his uneasiness. He worried about what Callista had to tell him, from what Mara had said it had sounded fairly serious. Something she could only tell Luke. Mara had mentioned that she had not sensed any Force presence at all within her, but that didn't negate the danger of the Dark Side. Luke doubted that insinuation, however. The Callista that Luke had known would have died before turning to the Dark Side.

It couldn't have been personal, either. Not after seeing Mara and Ben. Despite what his wife thought, Callista was scrupulously moral. No, any relationship between them was firmly in the past, and that was where Luke preferred to keep it. Although, he couldn't deny that he was glad at the opportunity to see her again. Their parting at Nam Chorios had been melancholy and resigned. But, looking back, it had never been sufficient closure for him. Perhaps this was an opportunity for it.

Gathering his inner strength, and reminding himself that he was a Jedi Master who had survived all forms of tragedy, grief and trouble, Luke raised an apprehensive fist and knocked carefully.

She answered almost immediately, and Luke took in the image of his former love a few moments. She was still beautiful, but it was clear the years had not been easy for her. She almost looked haggard, missing the radiance he had come to associate with her presence on the Eye of Palpatine. But she smiled brilliantly when she recognised him.

"Luke... " the words slipped from her mouth in a reverent whisper.

He returned her smile gently as he stepped inside. "Hello, Callista."

She quickly closed the door and drew him into a firm embrace. He returned it, somewhat awkwardly. For a moment, the vanilla-scent of her hair washed over him, and it was as if he stepped back twenty years. Underneath the marked face and soft bitterness that he felt within her, was the same woman he had fallen in love with so easily. He was different, though, he realised as he gently pulled her back to arms length.

"I never thought I would see your face again." She touched his cheek with her cool fingers, smiling wistfully.

"It's good to see you too, Callie." He squeezed her forearm gently.

At his words, Callista closed her eyes, her smile widening. "It feels so good to hear you call me that." Her eyes reopened and her gaze settled on his face appraisingly. "You look good," she said approvingly.

Luke blushed slightly. "A few more wrinkles here, some grey there... I'm surprised you even recognise me," he laughed.

"My heart would know you anywhere." She moved her light fingers over the small streaks of grey at his temples. "I think you look distinguished."

Luke grinned like a schoolboy. "That's what Mara says."

Abruptly, Callista's smile faded, and she moved out of his loose hold. Luke immediately regretted his words - he had been going so well! A sense of unease descended upon them and Luke searched for something to say. He was not ashamed of his marriage to Mara, nor was he going to apologise for it. But Callista's pride might be wounded - however slightly - if he flaunted his happiness in her face. Especially since she appeared to be living hard.

Eventually Callista broke the silence and turned back to face him. "Your son is beautiful."

"Thank you." Luke wasn't sure what else to say, and he certainly wasn't going to dispute the fact.

"I always knew you would make a wonderful father." She attempted to smile, but it came out like a grimace. "Although, I had always thought... "

Luke tried not to be irritated by her expression. "I couldn't spend my life waiting for you, Callista," he replied, as gently as possible.

"I didn't expect you to." She folded her arms defiantly, a shred of displeasure entering her voice. "I suppose I just don't understand... her of all people," she said, her voice full of malice.

Luke felt a streak of anger lace through him. "I wouldn't advise you to finish that thought, Callista," he warned dangerously. He was tired of people judging Mara on her past, to hear it from someone who still held a dear place in his heart was almost unbearable.

Callista gave him a wounded look, but kept silent. Luke sighed, and ran a hand through his hair, calming himself. He gestured towards the small, battered chaise by the window. "Can I sit?"  
She nodded her consent, and followed to sit beside him. Luke was relieved to see that she was a respectable distance from him.

"I'm listening, Callista." He eyed her carefully, cutting straight to the point. "After 20 years, why come back now?"

Callista visibly braced herself. She reached for his hand, and Luke allowed her to take it, but did not return the squeeze she gave his fingers.

"I tried so hard to find the Force after I left you, Luke. Every lead I followed, every system I visited only disappointed me further." She smiled bitterly. "So I tried to live a normal life. I told myself that billions of people survive without the Force, and they are happy, so why not me? But I couldn't do that either. I was still only half of myself." Callista sighed, and gripped his hand tighter.

"During the war I worked with refugees, as a nurse. I knew enough about rudimentary medicine and working in the field taught me the rest. I was helping people, but it still wasn't enough. I realised that the Force, even though I could not access it, was still a part of me."

Callista's gaze met his own. "That's why I've come back, Luke. Running away from the Jedi didn't solve my problems, it only made them worse. I want to rejoin your Order - even if it's just as an administrator, or a representative. I need to be around the Jedi again, and then, maybe, I might find what I've been looking so hard for."

Luke let all of the information digest for a few moments.

"That's it?" He regarded her incredulously. "You came because you want to rejoin the Jedi, stop running away from your heritage?" He shook his head in disbelief. "I'm happy you want to do so... but you could have told all of this to Mara."

"I was afraid that if she knew... she wouldn't let me see you. I had to make it seem like it was something I could only tell you." Her gaze darted away, unable to meet his.

"I don't appreciate being manipulated," he replied coldly.

"I'm sorry Luke, I didn't mean... " She bit her lower lip and clutched his hand more tightly. "I wanted to see you," she admitted, her eyes meeting his. "I realised I made a mistake leaving you, Luke, if I had the choice again... "

Luke sighed and looked away. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid.

"I wanted so badly to find the Force... for us," Callista's voice rose in pitch and intensity. "I know you think I abandoned you - loved the Force more than you, but that's just not true. I've always loved you more than anything... I still love you."

He stiffened, and gently removed his hand awkwardly from her grip.

"Please, Luke. I just - I wanted us to be equal, I wanted to be worthy of you. It wouldn't be right for a Jedi Master to be with someone without the Force."

Luke turned to face her, a remembered sadness washing over him. "That never mattered to me, Callista." His voice became resigned. "Maybe if you understood me at all you'd have realised that."

"And Mara Jade understands you?" Her voice rose slightly and took on a hard edge. "She served Palpatine, Luke. Probably served him in every way," she exclaimed bitterly.

Luke was barely aware of anything other than his crushing anger. He stood abruptly, grabbing Callista's arm and dragging her up with him. The white-hot current ran through him, and he was barely aware that his grip was crushing her bicep until he heard her cry of pain.

He saw himself reflected in her eyes, the darkness that burned there. Luke released her and hurriedly turned away, waiting for it to ebb. He closed his eyes, reaching to find his centre. It bothered him that after all of these years, the darkness still lingered there beneath the surface. All it had taken was an insult to his wife... Of course, the Jedi now embraced a wider view of the Force itself, but Luke was still cautious of his anger, of the dark emotions that could be so easily provoked.

He heard Callista's frightened, shaky breathing behind him. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I did not mean that."

Luke reopened his eyes. "Callista," he began, his voice low and dangerous, but didn't turn to face her. "I forgave you long ago for leaving me. I even understood. I always felt guilty that you lost the Force because of me. You haven't found it again, your life might be less than perfect, and I feel sorry because of that." He turned to face her again. "But I do not have to explain my choices to you, and I will never allow you to say such things about Mara. She's my  _wife_."

Callista appeared to have regained her composure, tilting a defiant chin towards him. "And you love her?"

"Yes."

She walked towards him. "Can you honestly say that the love you share with her was greater than what we had together? We were connected Luke - more deeply than I've ever felt with anyone. I know it was the same for you."

Sufficiently calmed down, Luke shook his head, resting his hand on her arm, lightly caressing the skin where he had grabbed her earlier. "I'm sorry, Callista. At that time... maybe. But the connection Mara and I share is unparalleled."

His other hand came to cup her cheek affectionately. "I will always care deeply about you. And I don't regret loving you." Luke looked deeply into her grey eyes. "But my love is with Mara now -and I'm sorry, but it's stronger than what I felt for you."

A single tear made its way down Callista's cheek, and she inhaled sharply. "I was so sure," she whimpered. "So sure that you'd... settled for her. That she was a... "

"Replacement for you?" Luke shook his head, remembering the words he'd spoken to Mara. "No, Callie. My path was always leading towards her."

Callista's slim hand came to cover her mouth, but it didn't smother the sobs that escaped her. Luke's conscience ached, but he knew it had to be this way. Callista needed to know the truth, he couldn't give her a false impression of his marriage, or their relationship.

"Don't you remember, Luke?" She looked up, her voice desperate. "That there's a lot of time in the universe?"

Luke recalled her last words to him, her promise that, in time, they would be with one another again. "I'm sorry, Callie. But we had our time together." He stepped away from her and turned to leave. "I will try to accomodate you within the Order, if I can." He was almost at the door when he heard her plaintive voice hold him back.

"Aren't you even going to kiss me goodbye?" Her voice cracked with sadness, and he turned back to see her tear-streaked face.

"Callie... "

"Please, Luke. For old time's sake." Her eyes pleaded with him, as she moved to stand before him.

Resigned, he leaned in close to her, and Callista parted her lips slightly, hopefully. But Luke turned his head, placing a light, warm kiss on her cheek. It was affectionate, but utterly chaste - the kind of kiss he would give his sister. He pulled away after an appropriate amount of time, catching the disappointment that laced her expression. But there was nothing he could do about that. Luke had accepted long ago that although he wanted to, he couldn't be responsible for shielding everyone from grief. Not at the expense of his own happiness, his own family.

So Luke whispered a soft goodbye, gave her a smile, and left.

* * *

 

_Skywalker apartment_

 

Absently toying with the beads the wound around her neck, Mara almost didn't notice the suspicious smell of burning meat that began to waft through the air.

"Mama!" came Ben's eager shout from the table, and then his inane laughter.

Swearing under her breath, Mara swiftly pulled the dish off the heat, waving away the smoke to reveal the almost completely burnt nerf steak.

Mara regarded the charred dish resentfully. She really wasn't as bad a cook as everyone seemed to believe, it was just in certain situations, her anxiety seemed to manifest into whatever she was preparing at the time. When she was completely focussed, her cooking was... passable.

And really, the dish wasn't utterly ruined - if she scraped off the black sections, and covered it in sauce. Mara had certainly eaten a lot worse. She looked hopefully towards her son, who, realising her intention, shook his head vehemently.

"Nuh uh!" he cried forcefully. "Uncle Han says I don't have to eat anything I don't wanna. 'Specially if you've cooked it."

Mara scowled, but really couldn't blame him, despite Han's apparent sabotage. Tonight's effort did rate as one of her worst forays in the culinary arts. But hope was not lost, Mara considered, as she gave Ben a wry smile.

"Your father will eat it," she concluded.

Shifting her attention to the vegetables which, pleasingly, were cooking perfectly, Mara tried to sound nonchalant. "Who were you talking to earlier, Ben?" She didn't turn around, but Mara felt a soft spike in her son's Force sense.

"When?" Ben sounded dismissive.

Mara risked a glance at him, seemingly preoccupied with his toy X-wing. "I walked by your room earlier," she began, turning to face him fully. "I heard you talking to someone." Mara forced her voice to sound calm, and not accusatory.

Ben didn't look up from the trajectory his ship was taking, and shrugged. "My friend."

"Ah." Mara tried to reach out to Ben through the Force, but found it difficult. Strangely, his aura in the Force seemed... hazy. Less pronounced than it had been before. It was only a slight change, not enough of a shift to be worried about. But Mara was concerned about Ben's 'conversation' she had overheard.

"Can I meet your friend?" she asked plaintively.

Finally Ben looked up from his toy, and scrutinised her, scrunching up his face in thought. "I'm the only one who can see him."

"Oh." He had an imaginary friend, Mara concluded. Nothing to be concerned about, she knew many children invented playmates to keep them company. And since Ben did not know many people his own age, it made sense that he would create someone to spend time with him.

Before she could question her son further, she felt the comforting wave of Luke's Force sense brushing lightly over hers, signalling his return. The apartment door chimed, and Ben immediately jumped out of his seat and ran out of the room. Mara followed him, and was pleased to find Ben had flung himself into Luke's arms, and was clinging to him tightly around the neck.

Mara went to them. "Let your father breathe," she cautioned Ben softly, a soft smile forming on her mouth as she placed a hand on Luke's arm.

Ben pulled back, contrite, and Luke gave him a grin. "It's alright." He turned to Mara and gave her a light kiss on the lips. "Good evening, my love."

Mara gently brushed a smudge of grime off of Luke's tunic. "Did you get everything you went for?" she asked softly, although Ben was too preoccupied adjusting himself in Luke's arms to care what they were saying.

"Yes. I believe I did." Luke shifted Ben higher and gave her a smile.

"Good," she returned it, relieved. Mara didn't really need to know the particulars - she trusted him. "Dinner's almost ready." Her tone became lighter, and she patted him on the shoulder affectionately.

"Mmm." He took a deep breath and admirably covered the immediate cough caused by still-lingering burning sensation in the air. "Smells wonderful."

Mara wasn't fooled, but loved him for the effort. She ushered them out of the doorway, leading them back into the kitchen.

"Does your... friend want to eat with us, Ben?" She ignored the inquisitive face of her husband.  _'I'll explain later'_  she sent through the Force.

"No thanks," Ben smiled, laying his small head on Luke's shoulder. "I don't want to make him sick."

Luke let out a soft chuckle, and even Mara smiled quietly to herself. For the first time in weeks, she felt that equanimity had been restored to their home and their small little family.


	15. Chapter 15

**_Luke Skywalker's apartment, Coruscant. 13 ABY._ **

 

Mara Jade did not appreciate being kept waiting. She stood impatiently at Skywalker's door for him to answer her precise knock, but was answered only by silence. It was troublesome enough that she had, in effect, been summoned to his apartment, to keep her standing outside his door infuriated her. He was home, she was sure of that. She could feel his Force-presence within, although it seemed to be somewhat - shifty.

She'd noticed the change in his aura the moment she'd landed, not an hour beforehand. She had no business to run for Karrde for a few days, and Coruscant was a good a place as any to spend her time off. She'd never imagined that Luke would be here. She hadn't seen him since she'd left Yavin, close to nine months previous. Mara had been embarrassed at her sickness, at his care of her, and hadn't the volition or the nerve to face him again. As least, till time had passed.

She'd heard rumours that he'd gone on a quest to find Callista - scouring the galaxy for his lost lover. Mara had been disappointed to hear it. She'd thought, maybe, that her company had in some way persuaded him to move on with his life, to forget about that harpy. Obviously not.

But perhaps her words about Callista loving him but leaving to free him, meant to comfort, had instead spurned him to find her again. She should have known that if Luke felt there was still hope for anyone he loved, he would fight until the bitter end. Mara told herself that she should just stay away from him before she did any more damage.

And yet, here she was at his apartment door, seeking entrance. As soon as she'd touched down, his presence called to her. He spoke no words to her through the Force, but she could feel the pull of him nonetheless. That, coupled with the difference she felt in him, was enough for her to answer. She wasn't worried about him, she tried to tell herself. She didn't care at all. But if she didn't come, he would be pestering her non-stop all night, and she had enough trouble sleeping as it was.

Mara let out an irritated sigh. She knocked again, more forcefully this time. She would give him three seconds, and then she would leave.

There was a small crash within, and Mara strained her ears. She could have sworn Luke had just muttered; "Kriffing tables," in an obnoxious tone. Folding her arms across her chest, Mara waited while more sounds came from within, until the door finally activated.

She had been prepared to launch into a tirade about his presumption, to call her here and then keep her waiting. To assume that she had nothing better to do than to listen to him whine, but was halted by his haggard appearance. The first thing she noticed was the dark circles under his eyes, his sunken cheeks and matted hair - he'd obviously hadn't had much sleep. His dark, usually immaculate clothes were rumpled and well-worn, and his usually clear blue eyes had shifted to a hazy grey.

Mara catalogued this, assessing him. "Skywalker," she greeted him, raising a thin eyebrow.

"Mara... what're you doing here?"

Mara deduced from his slurred tones and the assaulting smell of alcohol that he was far past drunk. At least that explained his vagueness in the Force.

Sighing inwardly, Mara eyed him. "You called me here. Or don't you remember?"

Luke's brow creased and he appeared to be thinking. "I remember... " his eyes narrowed. "Feeling you... but I don't... "

Having heard enough, Mara turned to leave, but his hand darted out and caught her arm.

"Don't go." Luke released her, but Mara didn't miss the fact that his hand was shaking slightly. "Please."

She should leave. To let him wallow in the mess he'd created for himself. So he was hurting? Mara didn't care. But his speech, the shake of his hand, and his pleading eyes stopped her. She couldn't deny that on some small, miniscule level that his friendship meant something to her.

Decisively, Mara stalked past Luke and into the apartment. She immediately appraised it, as Mara realised she'd never actually been inside. He'd invited her numerous times, and so while she knew where it was, she'd never actually stepped across the threshold. It was sparsely decorated, with a small entertaining area of only a few couches and a holonet access terminal. Mara didn't fail to notice the largely empty bottle of Corellian brandy sitting atop a small table, nor the empty bottles on the floor next to it.

"Not one for aesthetics, are you Skywalker?" Mara walked towards the nearest couch and sat down.

Following her, Luke looked somewhat sheepish. "I really don't come here that much." He surprised her by taking a seat on the floor, at her feet, his back leaning against the base of the lounge. "Leia makes me keep it."

"I see." Mara's eyes followed Luke's movement as he reached out to grab the half-empty alcohol. "How much of that have you had?"

"Not much," he slurred. That, coupled with the numerous empty bottles littering the floor made Mara believe otherwise. She'd never before seen Skywalker drunk, although she had seen him drink, usually when he was around his Rogue Squadron friends or bad influences Han and Lando. Those men, she had seen slobbering drunk, but Luke seemed to hold his alcohol well, surprisingly. Perhaps it was the Force giving him an advantage, speeding up his metabolism faster than a normal humans, his body readily processing even large amount of alcohol without much ill effect. Mara looked at the empty bottles on the floor and guessed that's what it took to make him drunk.

She just hoped that the evening wouldn't end with her dragging him down to the nearest medcentre with alcohol poisoning. She briefly considered taking the bottle from him, but decided against it. She knew how difficult it was to pry the precious liquid from a drunk man's hands. She'd rather not have that memory about Luke.

"I saw her."

That caught Mara's attention. "Who?"

Luke sighed, and made a brave mood by tilting his head, resting it on Mara's knee. "You know who."

Callista. The name filled her with malice. She almost moved away, to prevent Luke from making a pillow of her knee, but she stopped herself. This was not the time for accusations or rejection.

"What did she say?"

"Didn't speak to her," Luke grimaced, and he pulled his head off her lap. "Said goodbye, though. Kinda." His voice became a soft whisper. "I thought once I found her, made her see... then she'd stay with me. But I didn't even try." He sniffed, and took a large gulp of the brandy. "I should have tried."

Making a decision, Mara slowly eased off the couch, and onto the floor next to him, crossing her legs. "Luke... " she began tenderly, ignoring his shocked expression at her use of his first name. "I know I can't understand what you're going through right now. But I know that this," she placed a hand over his, clutching the neck to the brandy. "Isn't going to help."

"I just don't want to hurt anymore," he mumbled, and Mara felt the acute ache of his pain through the Force.

A wave of understanding passed over her. He reminded her of herself - after the Emperor's death. Feeling so devoid of the Force, of his presence, she'd enjoyed the numbing effects of alcohol, and other things. But she also knew how little it had truly helped her. She'd only denied herself the chance to fully deal with her pain, and she couldn't allow Luke to do that.

"Please, Luke," she said softly, her fingers moving over his. Relieved, she felt his grip slacken around the bottle, and Mara gently pried it from his fingers, placing it on the floor to the other side of her.

They sat in silence for several minutes, until Luke's voice cut through the thick air. "Do you think you'll get married, Mara?"

The question unsettled her, but she answered with a quick and resolute, "No."

"Why not?"

Mara tilted her head towards him. "Because unlike you, Skywalker, I don't need to fill my life with another person to be happy. I'm perfectly content as it is."

"Not the same thing," Luke's eyes met hers.

"What?"

"Happiness," Luke explained, his nodding somewhat exaggerated. "And contentment."

Mara rolled her eyes and looked away, not deigning to give him a response.

"I don't think I'll get married, either." Luke's voice was filled with a melancholy she couldn't quite describe. "I thought I had a chance, but... " he trailed off.

They lapsed into silence again, until this time, Mara spoke up.

"Do you think you'll love again, Luke?" She surprised herself with the question. But Luke didn't seem perturbed, and eyed her keenly.

"Yeah... can't help it," he gave a self-deprecating smile. "But marriage... I don't think it's in my... path."

"Mine either," Mara admitted, suddenly feeling very close, very connected with the man seated beside her.

"I know," his gaze settled on her again. "We're the same". He smiled sadly at her, his eyes piercing her with his gaze for longer than was appropriate.

Mara exhaled heavily, a prickly, heated discomfort making itself known to her. "Gods, Skywalker, what level do you have the heat on?" The room was much warmer than she was comfortable with.

"Reminds me of home," came his simple reply. Mara wondered whether he meant Tatooine or Yavin, but didn't bother to ask. She shrugged off her jacket and flung it across the room, revealing a plain sleeveless tunic underneath.

She regretted the action when Luke began to examine her bare arms a little too closely. She grew uncomfortable under his silent scrutiny, but didn't move away from her position next to him.

"Where'd you get those scars?"

She followed his gaze down to the white marks that veined across the skin just below her shoulder. A harsh reminder of the only time she could remember the Emperor being truly cruel to her. Although she hadn't seen it that way at the time. She'd seen it as her deserved punishment for failing him. She'd been young, but she'd understood enough not to disappoint her master again.

Of course, she wasn't about to tell Luke that - she simply shrugged. "I don't remember."

He scrutinised her, narrowing his diluted eyes. "Sure."

Mara folded her arms over her chest and didn't reply. Briefly, she wondered if he had similar scars courtesy of the Emperor. What a pair they were, she thought ruefully, and gave him a small smile.

But Luke's gaze was still fixed on her, unwavering, until eventually it began to slide across her slight frame. She followed the movement, unsettled by it. His eyes drifted down over her arms, to her crossed legs and the boots she wore. He halted slightly at the blaster she wore on her hip, but he eventually moved back up to her neck and face. Mara noticed that his eyes had become even cloudier than before.

"Skywalker?"

"Hmm?" His eyes never left her features.

"What are you doing?" She tried to imbue some intimidation in her voice but it came out tinny - afraid.

"Looking," Luke replied casually. Under normal circumstances, she would have slugged a man who was "looking" at her in such a way, but something stopped her. It was Skywalker, for Sith's sake. He didn't ogle woman, at least not that Mara had ever seen. The googy-lovey eyes he'd given Callista didn't count. But she couldn't deny the look in Luke's eyes - a look she found all too familiar and unnerving.

"Luke... " This was a path she didn't want to go down.

"You have beautiful hair, Mara." He scooted closer to her, reaching a shaky hand to reverently touch the red locks that fell about her shoulders. "Please don't ever cut it."

Mara should have reminded him that she was free to do whatever she wished, that he had no say in any matter but she found herself unable to move or speak. Luke had always been openly affectionate with her, but this was different. He'd never looked at her in such a way.

Luke raised his other hand, moving it intently to her face, but lost his balance and Mara grabbed him firmly by the shoulders in order to prevent him crashing into her. She held him for a few moments, allowing him to gain his bearings. But soon Mara became all too aware of his hot breath on her throat, of his shaking hand that had come to rest on her thigh.

Moments passed in what seemed like hours, but he finally pulled away slightly. His face was very close to hers, and Mara knew she should pull away, but couldn't find the strength to do so. He continued to study her, his gaze confusing in its intensity.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" He removed his hand from her leg, reaching it up again to touch her hair, threading his fingers through the loose curls.

She shook her head, stunned. In fact, he was one of the only men who  _hadn't_  told her so on one occasion or another. She'd always appreciated that.

"I'm a fool, then." His eyes flickered over her face. "'Cause I... " His voice trailed off, then, and a precise tongue escaped his mouth, moistening his lips as he leaned in close towards her.

Mara didn't react when he gently pulled her face towards his. She didn't move when his lips brushed hers ever so briefly, before connecting with them fully. She lost all coherent thought as he kissed her soundly, as his hand wound through her hair, drawing her tightly against him. Mara couldn't do anything but respond, all logic and emotion vanishing, except for the incredible feel of his mouth and his intimate kiss.

But as soon as his lips released hers, she came to her senses, and pushed him away violently, a precise hand coming to slam against his cheek. Breathing heavily, she scrambled up off the floor, backing away from him. What had just happened? It was beyond all conceivable comprehension that Luke Skywalker had just kissed her. Mara touched her swollen lips in shock, and then anger. How _dare_  he. She'd come to him to offer comfort and support, and he'd assaulted her. True, he was drunk to the nine Corellian hells, and definitely not in possession of his full faculties, but still. That was no excuse.

To treat her as some kind of – distraction - to help him forget. Mara felt betrayed. That after all these years, after all they'd been through together, she was nothing to him but a warm body to play out his sorrows to. That fact hurt Mara more than she ever thought it would.

She regarded his form, still sprawled out on the floor where she'd pushed him. Mara took a deep breath, restraining the urge to beat him senseless. "I'm going to do you a favour, Skywalker," she said coldly. "And pretend that never happened."

Ignoring his desperate, sorrowful call after her, Mara swept out of the apartment. It wasn't until she was outside, in the cold air, that she realised her face was wet with tears.

 

* * *

 

Luke felt the pain of his throbbing cheek deeply. He touched the tender flesh, a reminder of just how far he'd stepped over the line. But what had he really done wrong? All he'd wanted to do was show Mara how grateful he was for her, how much he cared for her. To his addled senses, it had seemed like the right move. In her presence, he'd felt better, more alive than he had in months.

Luke looked to the bottle of brandy, still sitting safely on the floor. It was a wonder Mara had not knocked it over in her rush. Thankful for small blessings, Luke's fingers closed around the cool glass, the comforting amber liquid sloshing about within. He closed his eyes and took a long, deep gulp, willing his soul's pain to go away.

 

* * *

 

Mara returned to her apartment the next morning, after a night-long argument with Karrde about her duties in his organisation. She'd firmly said that she was ready for any assignment he wanted to give her - that she needed to keep busy. He hadn't asked why, but perhaps he'd read something in her face, sensed a level on unease to her, and refused. She needed the rest, the break from work, he'd insisted. A chance to relax, spend some time on herself.

She hadn't given in easily, and spent the night trying to convince him otherwise, but to no success. Of course, simply because Karrde hadn't given her an assignment didn't mean Mara was stuck on Coruscant. She planned to leave as soon as possible, where, she wasn't quite sure. But it was a start.

The first thing she noticed upon entering her apartment was her comm flashing. Checking the small viewscreen, Mara's mood darkened when she saw that Luke Skywalker had left her a recorded message. Against her better judgement, Mara flicked the activation switch.

The small, unkempt image of the Jedi Master appeared before her. He looked horrible, for which Mara was glad. She hoped he felt even worse. Mara checked the time-code - the image had been recorded only a few hours earlier. Leaning back into her chair, Mara waited.

"Hi, Mara." The translucent Luke looked unsettled, and he ran his hands though his hair self consciously. "Uh... this may seem a bit of a strange question to be asking, but were you at my apartment last night? I only ask because I found a jacket on the floor this morning, and I know it's not Leia's. It seemed to be about your size, and I know you like the slim-cut style of those function jackets, what with all the hidden pockets and everything... "

He cleared his throat nervously. "I suppose I... overdid it a bit last night and I can't really remember much about what happened. I remember sensing you landing on Coruscant and I thought it was only logical... "

A little self-conscious laugh escaped Luke's lips. "Well, if it is your jacket, you can come pick it up, if you like. Or I can bring it to you before you leave". He paused a moment. "I - hope we didn't get into another... discussion last night. I was feeling pretty low, and the last thing I want is to have taken it out on you. So for anything I said or did - I'm sorry."

Luke took a deep breath. "So... that was really all. I suppose... I'll... see you soon." He cleared his throat again. "I hope."

Mara touched her lips lightly as the image faded away. So he'd forgotten her even being there? She was almost relieved - except for the fact that she'd left her jacket. How could she have been so careless? The last thing she wanted was incriminating evidence of her presence there. What if she went to collect her jacket and it triggered his memory of what he'd done? Mara couldn't imagine the humiliation - the awkwardness of it all.

No, she could forfeit the item, if it meant staying away from Skywalker. He'd forgotten? She'd make sure it stayed that way. She'd as good as forgotten about it herself.


	16. Chapter 16

_Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY_

She wasn't exactly sure why she'd come. Perhaps some of that latent courage, the woman inside of her that had defiantly faced death on the  _Eye of Palpatine_ , who had remained strong and true during those terrible years that followed. There was something left in her perhaps, that couldn't rest until she had followed through - until she had found peace again. The Callista she used to be would never have said such sordid things about another woman as she had said to Luke. Would never have tried to entice him away from his wife. It had been despicable behaviour - for which she had deserved his anger and rejection.

It truly had not been her intention, for Callista had never thought of herself as that kind of woman. When she'd heard of Luke's marriage, she had been resolved to accept it, but when she had seen Luke after so many years, all of her old feelings had rushed back to her. She remembered the way Luke had once held her, and kissed her malt hair, and sworn that he would love her forever. Callista had let those feelings, made more intense by her longing and loneliness, overwhelm her. But that was no excuse for how she had behaved – they were not the actions of a Jedi, even one without the Force.

Perhaps that was the reason she was seated across from Mara Jade, whose cold green eyes bore into her soul. Maybe she needed the chance for amends - if she was truly to join the Jedi. Callista winced under the scrutiny, but was sure Luke had not told Mara of her most unsavoury actions, since she was not lying in a lightsaber-defiled heap on the floor. For that, she supposed she should be thankful.

Callista shifted uneasily in her seat, her mouth dry and unable to form the words she wanted. Mara folded her arms and huffed angrily in response.

"I don't know when Luke will be back." There was venom in her tone.

Callista cleared her throat, apprehensively. She'd noticed that the moment she'd arrived. She was sure that if Luke had been at the apartment, she would have been herded away but as it was, Mara appeared to be feeling generous.

"Actually," Callista began, "I came to see you."

A red-gold eyebrow tilted sceptically as Mara looked her up and down. "What could we possibly have to say to one another?"

"Look, Mara," she took a chance with using her given name. "I didn't come here to provoke you."

Surprisingly, Mara let out a resigned sigh, her expression softening. "Fine." She gestured for Callista to continue.

Callista searched inside of herself for the right words. "I suppose Luke told you what I spoke to him about?"

A smirk appeared on Mara's face, and Callista regretted bringing it up. Still, if they were going to see each other, even in passing, it was best to find some sort of common ground.

"Luke did mention you wanting to rejoin the Jedi." Mara's bright eyes flicked. "I pointed out that the Temple kitchen needs a new Nerf Chef," she continued, her smug expression set. Callista balked at the insult, her mouth opening in horror, but that only seemed to fuel Mara even more. "And of course, there's always room on the groundskeeping staff. And the refresher facilities don't clean themselves." Mara smiled at her, raising a challenging eyebrow.

Callista wanted to run, to rush away from the indignity, but reminded herself that there was a higher purpose to her being here. And, hadn't she said much worse, much more damaging things about Mara to Luke? At least the other woman had the courage to say what she felt to Callista's face. Although the shame burned into her, Callista knew she had to bear it. Mara wanted to make her angry, see her suffer, and she wouldn't give the other woman the satisfaction.

"Mara, please." Callista eyed her defiantly. "I came here to talk, not trade insults with you like a couple of padawan schoolchildren."

This seemed to sober Mara as the smile was replaced by a more recognisable scowl. "Fine." She gestured again. "So talk."

* * *

"Dad?"

Luke peered around the hull of his X-wing, and struggled not to laugh at the sight of his son. Ben had found his flight helmet and it was currently balancing precariously on his head. The small boy held it steady, peering through the too-large flight goggles. Luke covered his expression in a mask of seriousness.

"I think it's a bit big for you, Ben."

Ben clucked his tongue and gave him a sceptical look. "Of course it's too big, Dad. It's  _yours_."

"Oh," Luke nodded seriously. "Of course." He received a brilliant smile in return, and Ben bounded up to him, examining the hull that Luke was working on. "Look alright?" Luke asked, crouching down to his knees behind his son.

Ben squinted examining the alterations on the panel carefully. He then turned back to his father and nodded approvingly. Luke smiled, patting Ben gently on the back, before handing him a multitool. He showed Ben the exposed wiring, explaining where exactly to apply pressure and fix the problem. Mara would have his head if she knew Luke was allowing Ben to be so hands-on with machinery, so close to open wiring and possible danger. But Ben was a fast learner, and Luke had discovered his son had a great aptitude in the area. He was more than happy to show him the basics and allow him to help. Luke would never allow Ben to be hurt, and what Mara didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

The time passed easily between the two of them, Luke supportive and encouraging, Ben so eager to learn, in awe as Luke told him stories from his piloting days. He listened adoringly, asking questions and simply happy to be with him. It was these moments, Luke realised, this simple time with his son is what he had missed most from the past few years. A time when he was just a father with his small son, without the worries of the world pressing down on both of them.

Luke was loathe to ruin it, but he could no longer ignore what Mara had discussed with him a few nights previous - Ben's diminished sense in the Force. He could feel it now, since his presence was harder to pinpoint, and lacking in clarity. It troubled Luke, to feel such uneasiness. He and Mara had tried not to thrust the Force upon their son, allowing him to form his own identity other than that of a Jedi. But Luke had always tried to encourage the use of the Force, since Ben had always shown such immense potential.

But rather than work himself up over the development, Luke thought it was best to confront the issue with his son.

"Ben?" He tried to make his tone as neutral as possible.

"Yeah?" Ben didn't turn his head away from his work. Luke gently reached out a hand to cover his son's, guiding him into the right position against the panelling.

"Was there anything you wanted to talk to me about?" He kept a steady hand on Ben's, careful not to let the tool slip from the boy's fingers.

"Like when you're gonna teach me to fly?" He tweaked the multitool and twisted a wire free.

"Not exactly." Luke sighed, leaning back to examine Ben's adjustments. "I mean about how you are feeling. If everything is okay."

Ben halted slightly, but readjusted his grip on the tool and continued to work. "I'm fine, Dad."

"Okay." Luke shifted. "What about the conversation we had the other night? Are you... alright with everything we talked about?"

"That was a whole week ago." Ben rolled his eyes. "You and Mama made up."

Luke pulled down a new panel and began to examine it. "So you're not... " He struggled to find the words. "Hurting any more?"

Shifting closer to Luke, Ben turned his attention to the newly exposed machinery. "It feels better," he admitted. "It doesn't hurt... so much".

Luke placed a reassuring hand on Ben's shoulder, turning the boy to face him fully. Carefully, he pulled the helmet off his head and looked deeply into his eyes. "Because you're shutting out the Force?"

If Luke had any doubts that Ben's actions were deliberate they would have been confirmed by Ben's sorrowful expression. Ben leaned back on his haunches, close to the ship, dropping his multitool.

Ben's face flushed as his head bowed. "I thought it would be okay."

Luke gently put his hand beneath Ben's chin, lifting the boy's downcast face, his eyes already filling with tears.

"I'm sorry, Dad." His face crinkled as he tried to hold the tears in. "I wanna be like you... but it's so hard."

Impulsively, Luke swept his son into his arms and held him tightly. Although diminished, he could still feel Ben's pain through the Force. His desire to please him, to become the Jedi Luke wanted him to be. The inadequacy he felt at what he felt was his failure - it almost broke Luke's heart. He pulled back slightly, looking at his son's tear-streaked face. Gently he pushed Ben's strawberry-blonde hair out of his eyes and gave him a reassuring smile.

"I love you, Ben," he began softly. "Nothing you ever do will disappoint me - or your mother. I want you to follow your own path, not mine." His thumb came to bush away Ben's tears. "You have such a strength in the Force, but if you chose not to use it, I will support you."

Ben didn't look convinced. "Mama would say it was giving up."

"No." Luke shook his head, trying to impress to words as strongly as he could. "There is a difference between giving up and... knowing when to step back. Your mother would never want you to suffer in that way." Not in the way she has, Luke thought silently. "Ben, no matter what you choose, we will be here for you."

Ben finally raised his gaze to Luke's and a broad smile broke out on his face. "Promise?"

Luke again drew his son into a tight embrace. "Of course."

* * *

Callista steeled herself, taking a deep breath before meeting Mara's gaze. "I've always envied you, Mara."

This seemed to take the other woman by surprise, and she shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She had probably never expected Callista to admit her resentment so freely. But she knew this was the only way, if she was going to survive here.

"Even when I was with Luke, you had this - hold on him," she continued. "The two of you had a connection in the Force that I'd lost. And then when I came back, I hated you for being happy." Callista's gut twisted and bearing her feelings so openly to the woman she'd always considered an enemy. "That you have the life I should have had. All I could think was that you'd stolen it from me."

"You walked away from him freely, Callista." Mara's words were harsh, but there was a softness to her tone, the lack of acidity she'd displayed before.

"I know," Callista admitted. "But it still hurt. I'd always thought, hoped even, that Luke would have never gotten over me, and the love we shared."

"Rather selfish of you."

Callista glanced away. "Sometimes love is selfish," she said softly. Her gaze returned to the woman opposite. "I heard about your disease." The words seemed to unsettle Mara, and her eyes darkened slightly. Obviously it was a time in her life that Mara did not wish to be reminded of. "He wanted to help you so much, didn't he? Not understanding that his attention, his care, his very love was stifling you. That it was something you needed to deal with on your own."

Mara shifted uncomfortably, taking in a shaky breath. Callista knew she'd hit close to home.

"I never would have left him," Mara's voice wavered ever so slightly. "Not ever."

"But you thought about it," Callista pressed on, knowing she was right. "You felt guilt that he was devoting all of his time and energy to you, when he should have been leading the Jedi, fighting a war?" She smiled sadly. "We're more alike than you think, Mara."

Callista expected a retort, a defiant insult or another outburst, but Mara was surprisingly calm. She wouldn't meet Callista's gaze, and she knew that perhaps, she'd struck of chord with the woman. She was grateful for the breakthrough. While they would never be friends, or perhaps even amiable acquaintances, Callista knew at least they shared one thing - a love for Luke. They could learn to accept one another.

When Mara spoke, her voice was softer and more exposed that Callista had ever heard it.

"Ben seemed to like you," she said, her smooth gaze rising to meet her eyes once more. "And Luke loved you, once. He still cares about you." Mara took a deep breath. "Perhaps I should trust their judgment?"

Callista spoke just as softly. "I would appreciate that."

For the first time since she'd arrived, Mara gave her a somewhat genuine smile. It was small and almost imperceptible, but Callista appreciated the effort. Somehow she believed that a true smile from Mara Jade, even a small one, meant the world.

"I wouldn't give up on love, Callista," Mara said, uncharacteristically tenderly. Her eyes glossed over in her musings, and her smile widened. "I never imagined that the Force would lead me to this, but I'm so grateful for it."

For once, Callista did not feel jealously when she looked at the woman before her - she saw the love in her gaze, and understood Luke's words to her. She saw the bond between them, and accepted it.

"If I'm honest, I don't think I will love again," Callista shared with her one-time adversary.

"Oh?" Looking intrigued, Mara leaned forward slightly.

"No, I don't think it's in my path," Callista smiled softly. "I've always given my life to love first. First Geith, then Luke. I lived for them rather than myself. Even when I left, I still thought of them, and I think it blocked my way." She felt a sense of peace overcome her, the knowledge that she was speaking the truth, and following the right instincts. "I am a Jedi of Old, Mara, and I never acted like one. I must dedicate my life to the Force if I am ever to find it again."

Mara nodded, but was quickly distracted by something Callista couldn't hear or sense. It took a moment for her to realise that Mara was looking towards the entrance, and a few moments more before she realised there was someone there. She looked at Mara, expecting for her to stand and go towards the door, but she turned back to Callista and gave her a mischievous smile.

She heard the sound of the door activating and within moments Luke entered the room, Ben perched on his shoulders, ducking to avoid hitting the ceiling. He halted immediately as his gaze settled on the two women. He cleared his throat nervously, but Ben chuckled, and began to climb down off his father's shoulders. He ran towards his mother, climbing up on the couch beside her.

"Hi 'Lista," he smiled, either unaware or ignoring the apparent discomfort of his father.

Callista smiled in return. "Hello Ben," she turned towards the man still frozen in the doorway. "Luke."

"Callista." Luke nodded in return, glancing surreptiously at Mara.

Perhaps, one day, the three of them would be able to be in a room together without the discomfort and tension filling the space between them, but Callista knew it would take more time. Mara clearly wasn't planning on reducing Luke's uneasiness any, so Callista thought it best to take her leave. She nodded to Mara with newfound understanding and she hoped, solidarity.

"Thank you for the talk, Mara." Callista stood, straightening her worn clothing, trying to sum up as much dignity as she could to walk towards Luke. She knew what she had said in her apartment to him had been unforgivable, and yet she knew that for Luke, compassion was never an impossibility. She finally reaslied, looking at him with Mara, with his son, that she'd never been what he needed, and could never have made him as happy as he was with his small family. All she'd been chasing was a dream, one that would always fade in the light of dawn.

"Callista," Mara's voice stopped her. "I... I hope you find your path."

She nodded gratefully in return, before walking to meet Luke at the entrance. He followed her into the front alcove, out of the view of the living room, smiling warmly.

"I talked to Tionne today," he said, clasping her gently on the arm. "She needs help with administration work, if you are willing. Especially in further research of Jedi history, which I think you would be suited for." He squeezed her arm affectionately. "You can see her at any time for the details."

"Thank you, Luke," Callista smiled but did not return his warm caress. "For doing this for me."

"I want the best for you, Callista," he said softly. "I want you to be happy."

"Lista, wait!" Ben skidded across the floor towards them, breathless. He swallowed heavily. "I told my friend about you."

"Oh?" Callista looked questioning at Luke, but he gave her a shake of his head and a  _don't ask_  gesture.

"Yep." Ben continued, nodding vigorously. "He said that sometimes when we're ready, what we want will find us." He looked curiously up at her. "Do you know what that means? He wouldn't tell me."

Callista almost didn't know what to say. She remembered Ben's appraisal of her sense in the Force when they'd first met.  _Like a cloudy day, when the sun is hiding._

"Yes," she whispered softly. "Yes, I know what it means."

"Good." Ben grinned. "Will I see you again?"

Glancing at Luke, Callista was unsure of how to answer.

"I'm sure you will," Luke said resolutely, patting his son lightly on the back. "Now go tell your mother about how you didn't help me with the X-wing today."

Ben gave his father a conspiratorial wink. "I only watched, right?" He chuckled lightly. "Bye, 'Lista!" he yelled, running back towards the living room.

"Goodbye Ben," she called softly. Smiling, she turned back to the man before her. "You have a wonderful family, Luke." Slowly, she leaned in towards him, giving him a light, chaste kiss on the cheek. "I'm so glad you're happy."

She pulled back and took one final look at her former love, and knew this was the last time she would think of him in that way. "Goodbye, Luke," she whispered, so softly she barely heard it herself. And without so much as another look back, she walked out of his life.

* * *

Luke flopped down onto the couch next to her, and Mara swung her legs up over his lap.

"You survived?" He smiled at her mindlessly and rubbed her shins affectionately.

"Hmmm," she regarded his apparent good mood. "It would seem so."

"So, thoughts, ruminations, musings?" he asked, still grinning. "Anything more to share with me?"

Mara smiled and leaned back against the cushions. "I think I've done enough soul-baring in the past few weeks."

"Fair enough." He took stock of the room. "Ben?"

Mara smiled. "Gone to examine his toy X-wing. Apparently he's been inspired to make some 'modifications' on it."

"Oh." Luke smiled again. "Wonder where he got that idea?"

"Hmmmm." Mara let it pass. They sat in silence for a few moments, as she studied the face of her husband. He looked more relaxed than he had in weeks. Months, even. Mara knew she would look the same. The final visit from Callista had lifted the huge bearing weight from her shoulders. It was true, she might see her occasionally around the Temple, but Mara no longer bore her any ill will. Every malicious, jealous and resentful thought had been purged from her mind. It felt like such freedom.

"I was thinking about Ben's 'friend' today." Luke interrupted her quiet contemplation.

"Oh?" Mara was inquisitive. "Get to the bottom of it, then?"

"I just think he's lonely, Mara." Luke reached for her hand. "He went through so much during the war - more than we understood - he's still feeling the pain from it. That's why he's shutting out the Force, why he created this friend, to help him through it."

" _We_  should be helping him through it," Mara cut in shortly. She didn't like to think that her son couldn't confide in her.

Luke rubbed her leg reassuringly. "And we will. But he's afraid of disappointing us. You remember what that is like."

Mara grimaced. She remembered all too well what that kind pressure was like. "He wants a confident - someone on his own level," she added, understanding. Force knows she could have used that growing up.

Luke nodded. "He needs someone to talk to... and I know I haven't been here enough for him. But I intend to be."

Mara sat up, shifting onto Luke's lap, leaning her head against his shoulder. "You know how I feel, Luke. But are you sure you want to move away from Coruscant?"

Nodding resolutely, putting his arms around her tightly. "I'll talk to Omas tomorrow." He took an apprehensive breath. "And I also think... " He hesitated.

"What?" Mara ran her fingers over his chest encouragingly.

"That, no matter what, we should keep Ben with us." He looked at her expectantly.

"On missions, you mean?"

He nodded again. "I don't want to miss out on one more second of our son's life."

Mara looked up at him. "Even if it puts him in danger?"

"I think," Luke gently reached to cup her cheek with soft fingers. "It would cause him more damage if we keep leaving him behind. He might see it as a rejection." He reached to kiss her softly. "Don't worry, my love. We'll be okay."

Mara embraced him tightly. "Even if Ben never finds the Force again?" She wanted the best for her son, but she knew the pain of denying the pull of the Force for far too long.

Luke held onto her tightly, his cheek brushing against hers softly. "Yes. Believe me, Mara that nothing will ever come between the three of us."

In the warmth of his embrace and hearing the soft, resolute sounds of his voice, she did believe him. Never again would she be forced away from her family, have to survive without them, without the close comfort of their unconditional love.

No threat - past or future, would ever come between the three of them again.


	17. Epilogue

_Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY._

The mid-afternoon breeze drifted in from the open balcony, bringing the sallow, fading sounds of Coruscant winding down. The soft afternoon sun highlighted the gold in her hair, and played across her skin, tinting it a deep bronze colour. For a moment, Luke almost forgot why he'd come as he stood mutely in the doorway of the bedroom. He watched his wife, lightly dozing on the bed, her boots still securely fastened to her feet and her Jedi robe flung carelessly over a repulsor-chair.

Luke started towards her carefully, very aware of the precious gift he carried on the tray in his arms. He set in gently down on the side-table and sat next to his wife on the bed. He wouldn't wake her just yet. No, Luke Skywalker enjoyed these silent moments of contemplation, watching the curve of her eyelashes, the arc of her neck as it met her perfect shoulder. The light fluttering of her eyelids and the slight, silent words that her dreams formed on her mouth. He had seen the image more times than he could count, but he never ceased to be fascinated by it. Or to remind himself how lucky he was.

It wasn't long before his thoughts began to bleed into her consciousness, because he could see the slight movement to her lips in the beginnings of a smile. He leaned over and placed a soft kiss to the upturned corner of her mouth. When he pulled back, he was rewarded by the fluttering of her eyelids, revealing the smoky jade depths beneath them. Mara's smile became wider as she focused on his face, bestowing him with an adorning gaze.

"What were you dreaming?" Luke asked gently, reaching for her hand.

Her smile became secretive, her eyes drifting closed again for a few moments. When she opened them again, they were completely clear, twinkling mischievously.

"It doesn't matter," she whispered, holding his hand in both of hers. "Being awake is so much more enjoyable." She tugged his hand slightly, and he obligingly lay down beside her, his forehead pressed against hers.

"It's not like you to sleep during the day," Luke said softly, his hand moving slowly down her waist to rest on her hip.

A small crease formed between Mara's eyes as she glanced at the wall chrono. "No." If Luke didn't know better, he was sure she seemed embarrassed. "I suppose running around after Ben today finally caught up with me." She gave him a reassuring smile and moved more tightly into his embrace. "He has your stamina, Skywalker," she added teasingly.

Luke was just about to snap a witty retort back to her when he remembered the tray beside the bed, and reluctantly untangled himself from his wife.

"I have something for you," he whispered, kissing her softly as he rose.

Looking inquisitive, Mara sat up, stretching the cramped muscles in her neck and eyeing him eagerly. The look faded to scepticism when Luke handed her a small teacup. Luke smiled and nodded encouragingly as Mara regarded the beverage he'd prepared for her. He watched as she catalogued the slight purplish colour to the tea, the strong aroma that wafted from the cup, and waited for her to make the connection. After a few moments, a wide smile appeared on her face.

"Massassi tea." She took a small sip and did not blanche at the bitter taste. "But I don't have a fever," she eyed him teasingly.

"Oh, I don't know," Luke shifted closer, very pleased with himself. "It is rather hot in here." He placed a soft kiss to the juncture between her neck and shoulder.

"You're just trying to keep me in your bed, Skywalker." Mara smiled, taking another sip, trying her best to ignore his ministrations.

"You read me like a datapad, Jade." Luke moved up to the spot just below her ear. He was pleased when Mara didn't answer, and he reached out to take the cup from her fingers, placing it out of danger. He shifted closer to her and was surprised when Mara's hand came to rest on his chest, gently stopping him from progressing with what he had in mind. The smile on her face had disappeared; instead she wore a serious, intent expression.

"I never thanked you for that." Mara's eyes deepened as she spoke, an almost imperceptible clouding of her mind.

Luke gave her a gentle smile and placed his hand over hers where it rested against his chest, entwining their fingers. They'd never spoken of that time spent in his quarters on Yavin - he'd never really thought it necessary to bring it up.

Mara tugged on his hand, pulling him towards her and into a crushing embrace. "Thank you," she whispered hoarsely, her voice thick with emotion. His arms wound around her in return, and he smiled into her hair. Gently, he pushed Mara back down onto the bedspread, covering her body with his own.

She sighed, and accepted the movement, her previous anxiety forgotten and he gently pressed a sweet kiss to her lips. She accepted him, and Luke hands slipped down to her waist, resting on the trim of her tunic.

Mara broke the kiss and smiled teasingly up at him. "So, what occasion warrants this gift, Luke? I know the Massassi extract couldn't have been easy to find."

It hadn't, but to Luke that was of little consequence. The smile on her face when she'd drunk the tea had been worth it, at it had arrived just in time.

"I'm surprised you don't remember, Mara." His fingers gently brushed over the swell of her lips. "The anniversary of our first kiss." He bestowed another on her, as a reminder.

"Hmmmm. Almost drowning on an outer-rim world trying to prevent the rise of a new Empire is certainly a reason to celebrate," she pestered him, albeit breathlessly.

Not to be dissuaded by her teasing, Luke began to place small, sucking kisses down the arch of her neck.

"Well, I've always thought so." He nuzzled her collarbone mischievously. He was rewarded with a slight giggle, and he knew he'd found one of her most ticklish spots.

"I hate to tell you this, Luke," she forced out, between gasps and slight laughter. "But that wasn't our first kiss."

He stopped his attentions immediately, his head whipping up to regard her curiously. "I'm sorry?"

"The time after you proposed wasn't the first kiss we shared," Mara clarified.

Luke was beyond confused and he sat up to regard her. "I'm sure I kissed you a few times on the cheek, but I hardly think... "

Mara laughed disbelievingly and sat up as well. "I can't believe that after all this time, you still don't remember." She crossed her arms over her chest, her face the picture of amusement.

"Remember what?" Luke said, exasperated. There were very few times when his wife could truly confuse and irritate him, but her cryptic answers were beginning to get the better of his patience. Probably sensing his annoyance, Mara simply shrugged, a smug smile gracing her face.

"Never mind." She lay back down on the bed, inviting him to continue their previous activities.

But Luke would not be placated nor distracted - the curiosity and confusion driving him mad. He shut his eyes, using the Force to probe his mind, searching for any hidden or suppressed memories regarding him and Mara before their encounter at Nirauan.

Eventually he stumbled across a hazy, clouded image, locked within the recesses of his psyche. He saw his wife, much younger, but no less vibrant or beautiful. He saw himself seated next to her, dishevelled and bleary-eyed. He heard his own slurred voice, the ghostly reverberations of his words echoing around his mind. Saw himself brushing his fingers across her neck and face, winding through her hair, and - oh stars - reaching in determinately to kiss her.

Luke drew himself out of his trance, giving Mara a shamefaced expression of regret. She was smiling slightly at him, but he could tell it was false. He'd hurt her deeply that night. Luke cautiously lay back down beside her, pulling her gently into his embrace. Suddenly, he saw all too acutely exactly why Mara had reacted to Callista's reappearance so fiercely. It was in part the remembered pain of his advances on her, so soon after he had been abandoned. Luke felt the warm colour rise to his cheeks. She must have seen herself as a replacement,that he had sought her out to ease his grief and nothing more.

"I'm so sorry, Mara," he whispered in her ear. If only he had remembered - had been able to apologise to her. If only he'd had the sense to recognise his feeling for what they were, made her understand why he had kissed her, made himself...

She must have picked up on his thoughts, because Mara turned around in his arms.

"No, Luke," she shook her head softly. "I wouldn't have been ready... _you_ wouldn't have been ready." Her deft fingers caressed his cheek. "We needed the time apart."

He nodded. "I just wish... " he trailed off, unsure of what he wanted to say.

Mara placed a soft kiss to his lips. "I don't consider those wasted years, Luke. Not at all." She played absently with the small beads that hung around her neck, the ones that he had carved for her from the bark of the Massassi trees. During her convalescence on Yavin after she'd been struck down by Massassi fever she'd watched him whittle small carvings for his niece and nephews. She'd refused his offer of a gift as well but he'd promised that one day he would make something for her. It wasn't until years later, during the Vong war, that he'd fulfilled that vow.

"I said I couldn't think of anything I'd want," she said quietly, picking up on his thoughts and twirling the beads between her fingers.

Luke smiled self-consciously. "I doubt that you ever wanted those, but you still wear them." It had been an odd gift, Luke could admit that to himself, but it had been the only thing he could think of to make from the bark at the time.

"Of course," Mara said earnestly. "Because I can think of something I want now. You."

It was an uncharacteristically simple declaration of affection, the kind it had taken Mara many years to learn how to make. But that only made the love in Luke's heart blossom as his arms tightened against her. She was right that they needed to find themselves before they found each other, but now that they had he wasn't ever going to let go. She lay her head against his chest and sighed happily as he kissed her hair.

"I love you, Mara," he whispered into her red-gold curls, seeing the smile on her lips, feeling the smile in her heart.

"I'll never doubt it," she answered, her voice muffled slightly by his tunic. But he felt the emotion of her words, the weight of them filling the empty spaces of his soul. He stroked her hair gently, rhythmically, easing her back into a gentle sleep, feeling the pull of his own eyes willing to close. Luke yawned and settled deeper into the bed, closer to his wife, for once untroubled by his fear for the Jedi, for his family. Contentment flowed through him easily, freely, and he marveled at the sensation.

It was that he heard soft footsteps in the hall, at the entrance to the room. Luke peered over his wife's shoulder, smiling at the small strawberry-blonde crop of hair that had appeared in the doorway. Without words, Luke gestured for his son to join them, and Ben bounced happily and perhaps a little too excitedly onto the bed. Luke pressed a stern finger to his lips and looked pointedly at Mara, who was already deeply asleep.

Ben looked sheepish, and crawled very slowly and quietly into the space between his father and mother. Luke lifted his arm to accept him into the fold of their embrace, and Ben snuggled down into the warm, loving cocoon. Luke smiled again, a true, unfettered smile at the two people he loved most, safe in his arms, before finally allowing his eyes to drift closed in contentment.

They fell asleep like that, Mara pressed close to her husband's side, Ben nestled in tightly with his head pillowed against his mother's waist, and Luke with his arms around the both of them.


End file.
